At the beginning of this pregnancy, I was not relaxed. My husband was living two thousand miles away and although the doctor I originally found came highly recommended, he specializes in high-risk pregnancy and treated me like a high-risk patient from day one. Even though there is nothing high risk about this pregnancy, I convinced myself that he’d be the best doctor to have by my side in case something should go wrong.
The doctor has his standard routine for the moms he works with and I followed along willingly, at first, until I got past the first trimester and my emotional imbalance was no longer a concern. After that, I started feeling better, more confident and sure of the fact that I wanted to have a VBAC. This was not something this doctor could provide so, somewhere early in my second trimester, I started to panic.
Having a C-section with my son 7 years ago was not something I look back on fondly. Just thinking about it brings back some PTSD-type symptoms with my thoughts leading me back to that feeling of having no control over what was happening to my body and not being able to hold my son after he was born.
I cried like a baby when I first found out I would “have to” have a C-section, but as my doctor explained, my son was in breech position AND the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Still, I mourned the loss of the natural birth I had always pictured myself having and longed for the experience of pushing him out into the world, welcoming him into my arms and having him with me the entire time following his arrival.
It was my first child, I had no idea what I was doing or what other options there were, but the doctor I was working with then also specialized in high-risk pregnancies. Since my miscarriage still haunted me, I felt safe with her. I resigned myself to
think believe this was the only option and went along with it, ignoring the gut instinct that tried to convince me otherwise.
The C-section wasn’t horrific, but the entire experience was less than ideal. After my son was pulled from me, he was taken away for over an hour; the longest hour of my entire life. His dad went with him, which meant I had to lay there, alone, the entire time, wondering what was going on, already missing the child I had barely met.
This baby will be my husband’s first child. No doubt he’s nervous and anxious about how the labor and delivery will go, but he knows how important it is for me to have the birth that I want and has been 100% supportive of whatever decision I make in regards to this pregnancy.
Finding a doctor who will perform a VBAC was the major challenge in all of this. After sending a panicked email to The Feminist Breeder, reaching out to my local Mommy Blogger friends and even sharing my anxiety and asking questions to those on Facebook and Twitter who had been through this decision-making process before, my plan to go this route has been confirmed. I’m grateful for the many moms who have encouraged me to do whatever it takes to have this baby the way I want to!
I realize there are no guarantees, but with a smooth pregnancy, a supportive doctor, a hypnobirth specialist and my amazing husband behind me, I’m pretty sure this labor & delivery will be closer to the experience that I have always pictured when thinking about bringing a child into the world.
No one knows when the baby will actually make his appearance, but I do know that he will not be taken away from me after he’s born, my husband will be at my side, and I will be able to hold the baby in my arms as we welcome him into this crazy
Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home