Wedding Day

Today is a vreally* special day. I will marry my best friend, my son and I will welcome our favorite person into the family and our new life will start to take shape, a shape that resembles a heart, if you look closely.

The morning started with an Encouragement Feast between the three of us as we lay in bed together. An Encouragement Feast is when we share what it is we love most about each other. We laughed and hugged and my heart just about burst.  I’m saving my tears for the ceremony tonight.

An Encouragement Feast is something we will do on a regular basis, when someone requests it, on birthdays or special occasions and of course, when one of us needs a little cheering up. It’s something my son and I have done for quite some time and it does wonders for everyone involved.

This evening, the three of us (four if you count the baby) will stand together inside the Circle of Trust where we will share our wedding wishes, exchange rings and begin our future together.

It’s a vreally special day.

*Vreally (adj). My son made up this word which is a combination between very and really.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Rules of Engagement

Most people who know me realize that I don’t do things in the traditional way. Not that I’m against tradition or feel the need to rebel all the time, but my way of doing things is simply, different.

When it comes to my relationship with Mr. Right, there’s really no right or wrong way to make our relationship work. It just does.

A few months ago, he decided to move here to San Diego. About a month later, we found out that we had a baby on the way. And just last month, we started to make plans to get married and make everything official.

Of course, because he’s still living in another state, it makes things a bit tricky, but for obvious reasons, we were both so excited to move forward with our lives and make plans to start our future together that we decided to get married now. As in this week. Less than a few days from the time I type this.

My son is very excited, too. He’ll be the ring bearer and wants to take pictures as well so we’re making it happen. We want this day to be just as memorable for him as it will be for us so the ceremony will be on the beach and the three of us will enjoy ice cream afterwards (his favorite treat).

And even though Mr. Right will have to hop on a plane and return home the very next day, we still couldn’t think of a better way to begin our new life together. It will be perfect.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Dining Details Challenges You to Start a Food Revolution in your Kitchen

Change is good. Change is necessary. Change is not easy.

Last week, several San Diego bloggers whom I call friends, gathered around Theresa‘s kitchen table and watched as Chef Mom Julie Frans of Dining Details cooked five amazing meals for us and explained how certain ingredients should be cut from our diets in order to improve our overall health. She provided us with a great deal of information that I am still trying to digest.

While I enjoyed everything she created in the kitchen and loved the tastes and smells of the foods on my plate, I still left that night feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I don’t call myself a cook and since my ‘healthy meals’ usually take place at restaurants or consist of prepared foods from Trader Joe’s that I can heat up and enjoy, there is definitely a lot more for me to learn.

From Julie’s suggestions, I added Almond Milk, lentils and Sea Salt to my shopping cart this week, along with the organic chicken and fruits & veggies that I normally pick up.

I definitely want to learn more about what Julie mentioned about creating a diet that is the perfect pH balance. Switching from table salt (that contains bleach and other chemicals) to sea salt was an easy step to make and knowing which foods to avoid is always a great reminder (corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, processed foods, MSG, artificial sweeteners, colors & flavors, margarine/butter substitutes).

Baby steps. I’ve made some small changes this week and I’m studying the recipes found on the Dining Details website to determine which menu I’ll prepare for Mr. Right next time he’s here. He’s a foodie and a great cook so perhaps I’ll have him select a recipe to cook for with me. These recipes are sounding pretty amazing right about now (and I’m not even hungry):

• Eggplant and Kalamata Risotto
• Stuffed Poblano Peppers
• Lemon Asparagus Risotto with Truffle Oil
• Fig and Goat Cheese Crostini
• Butternut Squash Leek Soup

I could always use Dining Details to prepare a Romantic Dinner for Two if I end up being too intimidated by the idea of cooking a gourmet meal on my own.

For those of you who are not in San Diego and still want to enjoy the amazing foods Julie and her staff create, I highly recommend the recipe section of the Dining Details website. The categories in the recipe section include Kid-Friendly Cooking, Something Sweet, Sauces/Dressings/Salsas, Soups/Salads, Hors D Hoerves, and Gluten Free recipes.

In addition to the wonderful resources they provide, Dining Details also provides personal chef services and caters small, intimate dinners for couples or for weddings and corporate events. They also host cooking demonstrations, in their kitchen or your own.

Chickpeas, their school lunch program, provides family dinners, baby food and educates parents and caregivers on healthy cooking.

If you have seen commercials for Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution (premiering this Friday on ABC), you’ll understand the need to start teaching your children, from a young age, the importance of healthy eating, nutritional choices that will help extend their life and why these subtle changes need to take place. Now.

Dining Details is owned by a local couple here in San Diego. They will be welcoming their second child later this year. Become a Fan of Dining Details Facebook, or follow Julie or Robbie on Twitter.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Not Marriage Material

I got an email from my boyfriend this morning which has led me to think about my past relationships all day. His best friend from high school got married last night and this is what he had to say about the wedding:

“I wish I could have gone to this wedding with you. A lot of my friends were here with their wives and it’s funny because they all seem to act the same. The husband drinks too much, their wives play the role of caretaker and roll their eyes when their husband tries to be funny. I like that when I’m out with you it’s not like that. We are partners in crime and have each others’ back.”

At first I was flattered. I thought it was sweet that he had wished I were there with him. But then, being the analytical person I tend to be, I read into it a bit deeper and started thinking about the stereotypical relationships that he’s referring to. Am I not considered marriage material because I don’t fit into that role?

Ever since I can remember, I have always been more like the opposite sex than not. This has never been more apparent than when I was married. Many of the arguments we had revolved around the division of household responsibilities and his comparing me to the housewife I never could be. He wanted me to quit drinking and partying altogether and I wished he could remember what it was like to have fun.

I hadn’t even thought about getting married when he proposed but I was young and in love and thought it was the next logical step in our relationship, or in any relationship. I wasn’t thinking that either of us would change once we got married but apparently, he did.

I am still the same person I’ve always been. I never thought that getting married meant that it was time to stop having fun. But I realize, now, that I’m not exactly the type of woman who men want to take home to their parents.

While I have no idea how others truly see me, I do know this -  I am happy in my current situation, satisfied with being a single mom with a best friend (with benefits) who I adore and who equally adores me.

Marriage is very definitive and I don’t think I’m the type of person who can easily be defined.

Am I opposed to marriage? Not at all, but my intention is that when, or if, I do get married again, I’ll marry the man who I am proud to stand next to, who makes me smile without ever having to say a word and who holds my hand when I cry. Why can’t it just be that simple?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Why Same-Sex Marriage Would Be the Best Thing for our Economy

Imagine for a minute you’re planning a wedding. It doesn’t have to be your wedding, or the wedding of a sibling or best friend. Let’s say you’re a wedding planner. Your job is to create the best, most beautiful, elaborate, memorable and amazing wedding for the happy couple-to-be.

The people that are getting married are career-oriented, ambitious individuals who want to have a say in the plans, but who want someone else to carry them out. They’re smart because they’ve heard of the “Bridezillas” who become obsessed with spending disgusting amounts of money on what’s supposed to be a special day and who turn into evil Bitches who will fight for the best, brightest and most expensive wedding ever, despite who they hurt (or how much debt they incur) in the process.

Your job is easy. After all, there are hundreds of vendors in the wedding industry just waiting to help you out. The couple-to-be is relying on you to guide them and help them invest in the special day that will launch their future together as husband and husband, or wife and wife.

Regardless of how you feel about same-sex marriage, this is your job. You are going to be making a nice-size fee for arranging all of the details for their big event. Now, where do you go? Who do you turn to?

In the U.S., the average couple spends around $30,000 on a wedding. That does not include the cost of the honeymoon or engagement ring! This doesn’t even consider the cost that is spent by the bridal party themselves or the gifts that the guests purchase for the couple. Imagine what same-sex marriage could do to boost our economy when you consider the following costs:

• Bride/Groom Accessories $125 – $400
• Groom Suit / Tux $175 – $300
• Wedding Dress $1000 – $1650
• Hair / Makeup $125 – $215
• Headpiece / Veil $225 – $375
• Ceremony Accessories $140 – $235
• Ceremony Decorations $420 – $700
• Ceremony Location $490 – $825
• Officiate/Pastor/Priest $175 – $300
• Rehearsal Dinner $955 – $1595
• Ceremony/Reception DJ $550 – $900
• Boutonnieres/Corsages $135 – $225
• Bride Bouquet $115 – $190
• Bridesmaid Bouquets $180 – $300
• Ceremony Flowers $325 – $545
• Flower Girl Flowers $35 – $60
• Reception Flowers $735 – $1225
• Gifts for Attendants $355 – $595
• Gifts for Each Other $285 – $480
• Gifts for Parents $125 – $210
• Shower Invitations $75 – $125
• Guestbook $35 – $60
• Wedding Invitation & Reply Cards $325 – $535
• Personal Stationery $100 – $170
• Save the Date Cards $125 – $200
• Thank You Cards $65 – $110
• Rings for Couple $500 – $1200 (each)
• Bridal Consultant/Bridal Planner $1000 – $1650
• Photographer $1500 – $2550
• Videographer $1100 – $1850
• Reception Beverages/Bartender $1660 – $2780
• Hotel Room for Couple $200 – $350
• Cake/Cake Knife Set/Cake Topper $460 – $775
• Reception Decorations $800 – $1350
• Favors $270 – $450
• Reception Food Service $5680 – $9500
• Reception Location $1850 – $3000
• Reception Rentals $825 – $1380
• Car Rental $225 – $380
• Limo Rental $500 – $835

The above costs are estimates, based on rates found in Southern California. I didn’t spend nearly half this amount on my wedding (although it was approximate to the cost of my divorce).

Weddings can be put together with a much smaller – or grander budget – but the point here is that there are vendors (that are usually locally-owned businesses) that could benefit from making same-sex marriages legal.

I have never attended a same-sex wedding or commitment ceremony but I know of many couples who would be honored to stand before their friends and family and validate their relationship just as heterosexual couples have been allowed to do for generations.

Just a little something to think about.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

A New Chapter

1. Where did you begin 2008?
I honestly don’t remember. Home with my son?

2. What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
In a relationship with a long-distance love.

3. Were you in school (anytime this year)?
I teach…does that count?

4. Did you have to go to the hospital?
I had to take a co-worker on an out-of-state business trip (what an story that was)!

5. Did you have any encounters with the police?
Yep. I was pulled over for speeding on my way to work one morning.

6. Where did you go on vacation?

I went snowboarding with my man at Keystone in early 2008, met him in Vegas for a weekend rendezvous. (Gosh, when was that?)

7. What did you purchase that was over $500?
Many items that added up (or exceeded) that amount but not any one thing.

8. Did you know anybody who got married?
Yep! I attended two weddings this year and another dear friend just got married in Mexico!

9. Did you know anybody who passed away?
Yes. My grandma died just before Christmas.

10. Did you move anywhere?
Nope.

11. What sporting events did you attend?
None.

12. What concerts/shows did you go to?

I had a date who took me to hear live music and I also took my son to see The Grinch at the Old Globe Theatre.

13. Where do you live now?
San Diego

14. What’s the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2008?
Have to start looking for another job.

15. What has/have been your favorite moment(s)?
Laughing with my son, attending my friend’s weddings, working with amazing families and spending time with loved ones.

16. What’s something you learned about yourself?

I’m stronger than I knew, happier than I thought I could be, and I’m a damn good mom.

17. Any new additions to your family?
Yes, my nephew was born in late June.

18. What was your best month?

The last two months since I didn’t have to travel or be away from my son for an extended period of time.

19. What music will you remember 2008 by?
That silly Madagascar song that my son sings while shaking his booty.

20. Made new friends?

Yes, there are a lot of great parents and people that work at my son’s school that I’m glad to know, along with many great online contacts I’ve made – all of whom continue to inspire me and help me grow.

21. Favorite Night[s] out?

I dressed up for Halloween for the first time in my adult life. That was fun and I hope to do it again!

22. Any regrets?
No.

23. What do you want to change in 2009?
To take my son on a real vacation and get my butt back in shape!

24. Overall, how would you rate this year on a scale of 1-10?
I’d have to say 9…2009 will be a definite 10!

25. What would you change about 2008?
Not a thing.

26. Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
On an airplane, hotel room, or in my car!

26. Have any life changes in 2008?
Nothing drastic in my life, although the Presidential campaign rocked my world and moved me in ways that I never expected.

27. Change your hairstyle?
No, but I’m thinking I need to!

28. Get a new job?
No, but am starting to look.

29. Do you have a New Year’s resolution?
To get in shape and take my son on a real vacation.

30. Did anything embarrassing?
No…it takes a lot for me to get embarrassed.

31. Buy anything new from eBay?
No, I don’t shop on eBay.

32. What was/were your favorite purchase?
My new jeans.

33. Get married or divorced?
No.

34. Get arrested?
Riiiight.

35. Be honest – did you watch American Idol?
Never seen it!

36. Did you get sick this year?
I had a 24-hour flu but nothing major (knocking on wood).

37. Start a new hobby?
No, but I’m training for a new certification.

38. Been snowboarding?
Earlier in the year, not since this last snowfall.

39. Are you happy to see 2008 go?
No.

40. Drank Starbucks in 2008?
Who didn’t?

I hope everyone has a Happy Healthy Hip New Year!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Catching the Bouquet

Before I was married, I used to dread that part of the wedding reception when the single women would be called up to try to catch the bride’s bouquet. I’d hesitate before standing up and slowly make my way to the back of the line.

Suddenly, now that I’m single (again) and older, I’m ready. I want it to be known that I’m single and ready to find Mr. Right.

I’ve been to two weddings in the last few weeks and made a point of being one of the first women to make her way up to the dance floor. I’ve even pushed my way to the front and reminded the brides to throw it my way.

Apparently, being open to catching a bouquet is not enough. I bawled my eyes out at the last wedding I attended. My best friend from high school got married and it was so amazing to see her up there among friends and family that I’ve known through her.

I met my best friend during our Freshman year of high school. She was shy. I was assigned to work with her on a class project and we’ve been friends ever since. Knowing her for over half of our lives allowed us both the privilege of being there to witness each other’s ups and downs and in on each other’s secrets and details of our past relationships.

During one of my (many) states of depression, she came to San Diego to spend the week with me. We did nothing but lay on the beach, party and sleep. It was amazing and it just proved to me that my friend would be there for me, whenever I needed her.

But where was she this past weekend? I don’t think she understood the psychological elements involved in my desire to catch the bouquet. It was devastating enough that I was a “party of one” for both weddings and I now, I have nothing to show for it, no souvenirs to prove that I made it through yet another wedding without someone asking me when it’d be my turn.

Since I don’t have any other weddings to look forward to, I need to think of what else I can do to ensure my luck in love and relationships. Perhaps I should go and have my palm read, or do a seance that will clear my home of any negative energy that might be left behind from my ex-husband.

Yes, many people are astonished by the fact that I still live in the same home that I shared with my husband. In fact, our house is still in his name (and mine). Perhaps it’s time for a little emotional cleansing…and a change of paint color.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

The Hard Questions

My best friend of over fourteen years – whom I’ve known for over half my life – is getting married this fall. It’s her birthday today so I want to dedicate this post to her and her future hubby (who I haven’t had the opportunity to meet yet).

A few weeks back I picked up a copy of The Hard Questions by Susan Piver. Ever since my marriage ended, I’ve been very interested in books dealing with relationships and marriage.

This book contains 100 Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do” and I hope that those who are thinking about getting married, planning the wedding or wondering if their current partner is “the one,” will take the time to read this and answer these questions along with their significant other.

Here are just a few questions that can be found in the book:

• How much will we spend on furnishings? Who will make these decisions? What factors are important in making these decisions (price, quality, style)? Do we want to be free to decorate as our tastes change, or do we expect to invest in quality that will last a lifetime?
• What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend? Now? In one year? Five years? Ten years?
• Outside of the office, how much of our work time are we willing to put into work? What place does the other’s job have in our home life? Do we have an office at home? Do we bring work home? How much time is spent working at home?
• Are we satisfied with the frequency of lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched?
  
• Is each of us happy with the other’s approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?
• What place does the other’s family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often? For what length of time?
• Who will take care of our child if we both work? How does each partner feel about daycare?
• Which of us is responsible for creating community? Is one partner more outgoing than the other? Does one partner have a greater need for outside friendships and groups?
• What place do spiritual / religious beliefs play in our home and home life?

These are just a few questions from the list of 100 to really think about your own thoughts, beliefs and expectations in aspects that affect your marriage, as well as your partner’s. Some of the answers might come to you easily. Some might be questions you have never thought about. All are essential to ask (and answer) before saying, “I do.”

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

MatchMaker

I don’t claim to be a matchmaker but I do enjoy seeing people I know find someone to spend their time with – and possibly the rest of their life.

Several of my girly-friends are getting married this year. I can’t wait to celebrate – and witness their union.

And to those that are in search of that special someone – please read the warnings first – there are several online dating services to handle just about anyone’s requirements.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

All You Need is Love

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve discovered that three of my friends from high school and college are getting married this year. Babies and weddings. I’ve got a lot to look forward to in 2008 so I’m on the look out for ways to help spread the joy. Here are just a few resources for companies who produce beautiful announcements and invitations.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home