No One Wins in a Custody Battle

Just when I think things are going smoothly and issues with my ex-husband are a thing of the past, he has to remind me why we’re no longer together by doing something as selfish as planning his vacation with our son over a weekend that my son was to be with me.

Not only that, but our son will be missing a day of school instead of planning his trip over Spring Break (our son has off from school for over a week) so that, instead,  he can get back at me for some past hurt he’s obviously still feeling.

I read headlines from time to time that say something like, “Father Wins Custody Battle,” which is a complete oxymoron in my book. No one wins in these situations and those that lose the most are the children involved.

We modified our custody arrangement earlier this year and for some reason, I doubted my initial reaction to the wording his lawyer added which allow us both (equally) to have an additional two weeks of vacation throughout each calendar year (a total of 14 days) where we can take our son anywhere, at anytime, so long as we give the other parent a 30-day notice.

According to the vacation plans that my ex has put in place, our son will be with him 4 weekends in a row. All I have to say is that I would never even think about planning a trip over his weekend, nor would I take our son somewhere over his father’s birthday or have him miss school due to a personal vacation. But that’s just me.

Rational thought get thrown out the window when my ex-husband sends me immature text messages (which I  responded to in equal fashion), justifying his actions because years ago (when he had the right to prevent us from going) gave us permission to visit my family out of state over Father’s Day weekend.

Yes, I see how that might upset him and yet, I prefer to leave the past where it belongs. I’m not revengeful, nor do I keep track. I can honestly say that I forgive and forget. He, on the other hand, has vowed to keep track and apparently, he’s using our son to get his revenge.

Just this morning, my son mentioned to me that he misses me when he’s with his dad for “too long,” and vice versa. I get it. I miss him too when he’s with his dad for four days and I know he misses his dad when he’s with me over the long weekend.

Could I be cruel and plan our next trip together over a weekend he’s to be with his dad? Sure. It’s only fair, right?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Queen of Georgia

I know Georgia is a Southern State known for its peaches and a great </sarcasm> TV show is named after some ladies that live in the capital city, but I had no idea that Georgia is also home to Saint Simons Island, where the King and Prince Beach & Golf Resort is located.

This Georgia Resort is one beautiful place (as I can see from the pictures online) and I think someday, if all goes as planned, I’ll be walking along the sand outside this resort, hand in hand with Mr. Right.

One can only dream, right?

Register online now to win a Complimentary 2-night stay. You can also follow them on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook. Don’t forget to check out their blog, where they share details and more photos of the gorgeous resort, ideal for a King, Prince, or Queen.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

For Closeness: TRAVEL

You’ve probably heard the saying, “You don’t really know someone until you travel with them,” or something of that nature. Well, since I am in a long-distance relationship, every time we’re together it feels like we’re on vacation. We spend a long weekend together, not really having a moment to ourselves, so this is a true test of whether the relationship can survive, in my opinion.

Steve Goodier, who writes over at Life Support System, has this to say about travel and getting close to someone:

If you want a deeper connection with someone your care about, if you want relationships that are more intimate, more meaningful and longer-lasting, then try this simple technique:  Just remember the word “TRAVEL.”

T is for TRUST.  If we’re seeking a glue to cement us to another, then trust is that bond.  A relationship will go nowhere without it.

R is for RESPECT.  Some people talk about how much they have always respected their cherished friends and family at a funeral.  But why wait?  People want to know that we hold them in high regard.  It’s about valuing others and letting them know you respect them.

A is for AFFECTION.  Sometimes affection means love.  Sometimes it means a touch.  Or a hug.  Always it means kindness.

V is for VULNERABILITY.  Though we may feel afraid to let another too close, no relationship will go anywhere without taking a risk.  Like entrepreneur Jim Rohn says, “The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.” And the love.

E is for EMOTIONAL INTIMACY.  It about learning to be open.  Learning to communicate freely.  The quality of relationships we make are largely determined by how openly we communicate.

L is for LAUGHTER.  Victor Borge got it right when he said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”  It’s also the most enjoyable.

So for a relationship that can really go somewhere, just remember the word “TRAVEL.”  Then enjoy the trip.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

2009 Awards for Excellence

The following hotels, resorts and spas were selected as this year’s winners in the Condé Nast 2009 Awards for Excellence:

ATLANTIC, CARIBBEAN AND PACIFIC ISLANDS

Most Excellent Resort

Carlisle Bay - Antigua

Most Excellent Hotel

Hôtel Le Toiny - Saint Barthélemy

Most Excellent Romantic Hideaway

Horned Dorset Primavera - Puerto Rico

Most Excellent Spa Hotel

CuisinArt Resort & Spa - Anguilla

SOUTH AMERICA

Most Excellent Beach Resort

Kiaroa Eco- Luxury Resort - Brazil

Most Excellent Hotel

Hotel Unique - Brazil

Most Excellent Small Hotel

Pousada Maravilha - Brazil

Most Excellent Romantic Hideaway

Ponta dos Ganchos - Brazil

Most Excellent Spa Hotel

Kurotel - Brazil

Most Excellent Lodge

Hotel Las Balsas - Argentina

MEXICO & CENTRAL AMERICA

Most Excellent Resort

Grand Velas All Suites and Spa Resort - Mexico

Most Excellent Spa Hotel

Las Ventanas al Paraíso, A Rosewood Resort - Mexico

Most Excellent Hotel

Hacienda Xcanatún – Casa de Piedra - Mexico

Most Excellent Romantic Hideaway

Hotel Punta Islita - Costa Rica and Las Alamandas Resort – Mexico

Most Excellent Beach Hotel

Victoria House - Belize

UNITED STATES AND CANADA

Most Excellent Hotel

The Hay-Adams - Washington, DC and The Setai – Florida

Most Excellent Ranch

Sorrel River Ranch Resort & Spa - Utah

Most Excellent Inn

The Baker House 1650 - New York

Most Excellent Small Hotel

Casa Tua - Florida

Most Excellent Romantic Hideaway

Post Ranch Inn - California

Most Excellent Lodge

Sun Mountain Lodge - Washington

Most Excellent Country House Hotel

Blantyre - Massachusetts

Most Excellent Spa Hotel

Wedgewood Hotel and Spa - British Columbia

Most Excellent Golf Resort

The Sanctuary at Kiawah Island Golf Resort - South Carolina

Most Excellent Resort

Meadowood Napa Valley - California

Spring Break is coming up! Where will you spend your vacation?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Putting Myself First

My son got sick early this morning and is sleeping off whatever it is that made him ill. He doesn’t get sick often so it’s hard to see him so miserable. He woke up asking for more water and didn’t have much energy to even lift his head.

Today was going to be a special day for him at school. It’s the last day of school before Winter Break and also the day they share Valentine’s Day cards with one another. He spent a long time filling out the Valentine’s Day cards and was looking forward to the celebration.

I was looking forward to heading over to a spa in the area for an hour-long session on Putting Yourself First with a friend and life coach who put together the event. Sadly, I will not be able to be there now since I’m here at home while my son sleeps.

It’s ironic that today, putting myself first is not an option. I work with parents who I encourage to set aside time for themselves and with their partner but realistically, it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Life gets in the way and responsibilities shift depending on the circumstances and so it is that I am meant to be here, still able to put myself first in some ways since my son isn’t needing my attention right now. I keep going in his room to check on him and although I love watching him sleep, it’s never fun to see him sick.

He’s not himself today and I don’t know when he’ll be back to normal but for the time being, I am getting some things done (coffee, laundry and writing) while I wait for his energy to revitalize him and get him back on his feet.

I promised him that I’d bring his cards to his friends this afternoon and pick up his box of Valentine’s cards that will be set aside for him. He’s leaving for a mini-vacation next week with his dad so I promised myself that I’ll use that time to put myself first. No excuses.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Missing My Ex-Husband

No, this post is not about me missing my ex-husband, it’s about my son missing his father and how difficult it is to be a single parent – for at least these last 9 days when dad’s been away.

My ex-husband and I travel throughout the year – separately – for each of our businesses. I travel quite a bit more than he does, usually for five days at a time once a month (from February – July) and then on occasion the rest of the year. Dad takes two trips a year, although his are considerably longer – usually 10 – 14 days each.

My son has a hard time when either one of us are away since he’s used to the routine of seeing Mom and Dad on a 2-3-2 custody schedule. The routine is great for all of us. Mom and Dad get their adult and alone time when our son is with the other parent, and we each have the opportunity to bond with our son and devote our time to him when it’s “our time” with him.

You might say we’re each a bit spoiled, and it’s never more apparent then when one of us is left “in charge” for more than 72 hours at a time. Yesterday, my ex-husband was supposed to return from Central America but due to bad weather, his flight was postponed until today which means he won’t be able to pick up our son from school as originally planned, and as I had been explaining to my son all week.

My son has had a rough time at bedtime, in particular, during these times. Just this week, he’s tried to talk me into becoming nocturnal and refuses to wake up “at daytime” and also wants to go back to being a baby. Luckily, this usually only lasts a l-o-n-g thirty minutes which, to me, feels like an eternity.

Our morning routines are not much better. He’s been refusing to get dressed, brush his teeth or get in the car to head to school unless I promise him that his dad will be picking him up. Of course, I never make a promise I can’t keep (he’ll hold me to it) so it’s been especially challenging for me to “convince him” to cooperate and help me out.

I’ve been late this week a record number of times. His teachers probably wouldn’t even recognize me if I showed up before school officially started. As odd as it may sound, I’m looking forward to seeing my ex-husband tonight.

But that’s because my son truly misses him and will explode with emotion when he finally gets to see his dad. It makes me melt to see how happy he is with his father and I love the fact that he’s the exact same way when he sees me after one of my trips.

I’m leaving on a trip next week, actually. It’s hard to be away, but as most parents will agree, it’s difficult to be a good parent when you don’t get a chance to breathe, have adult-only interactions and get a good night’s rest. I encourage all parents to take a night off for themselves. Have a sleepover at a friend’s home or hotel down the street and get away. Your children will thank you for it.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

America’s Most Attractive Cities

San Diego sits at #2 on the list of America’s Most Attractive Cities put out by Travel & Leisure. I have to agree that the majority of the men and women here are quite attractive.

Is it the amazing weather here that just makes everyone less stressed and more at ease? Is there something in the water? If so, I’m going to be sure to start drinking it more often.

Where does your city fall on the list?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

While in Vegas

I’m in Las Vegas and will be here for five days for the 2008 ABC Kids Expo – an annual event for the juvenile product industry. While I’ll be focused on the new products for babies and families with children during the day, I’ll be taking advantage of the night life found in Vegas. Perhaps you’ll see me at one of these venues sipping on a cocktail:

Red Room Saloon (3101 West Sahara Ave, 702-257-9663)
Puff (1030 E. Flamingo Road, 702-221-PUFF)
Sugarcane Lounge (3327 Las Vegas Blvd., 702-607-0700)

Christian Audigier, The Nightclub (3300 S. Las Vegas Blvd., 702-466-9720)

Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant & Bar (3600 Las Vegas Blvd. S., 702-693-7223)
Rok Vegas (3790 Las Vegas Blvd. S., 702-740-6ROK)

During the convention, I’ll be highlighting the top companies that I believe will appeal to the happy, healthy, hip parents who read this blog. Enjoy!

If you’ll be in Las Vegas over the next few days, let me know. The more the merrier.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Proud Mama

Michael Phelps has made history with his 8 Gold Medals and a World Record. One medal after the other…

What’s amazing to me is the fact that, not only was Michael diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but he was also raised (along with his two sisters) by a single mom.

This isn’t unusual, really. Tom Cruise, Bill Clinton, and Bill Cosby were raised by single moms. Even Barack Obama was brought up in a single parent home.

What bothers me is that there’s many different definitions of “single mom,” and it’s usually one that is the complete opposite of who I am.

I admit, my son’s father and I went through a stressful and drawn-out divorce (due to me and my bitterness), but now, we get along great and I don’t know what I’d do without his support. My son is with his dad right now, thousands of miles away. My son’s father is more involved than many dads. We’re lucky to have him.

Yes, I’m a single mom, which – to me – means that I am single and I am a mom. Nothing in those two words hint at whether or not there is a father figure in my son’s life but, there is. My son has many men in his life that act as positive role models for him. Right now, my son is spending 8 days with his dad on the East Coast, while I teach a parenting course and visit my family and friends back home.

I get to meet my sister’s youngest son (only 8 weeks old) for the first time today. I’m thrilled to finally meet him and spend the week spoiling him and his older brother. I haven’t blogged about it much or talked about it only because it’s difficult for me to be so far away but it gets easier as time goes by since I have so much to focus on, besides how quickly time flies by…while I’m having fun.

I am also going to spend time with my friends from college, meet my best friend’s (from high school) fiance, and, of course, get caught up in my reading – both on line and in print.

I look forward to sharing my travel experiences here so stay tuned for stories from the Midwest, where people are known for being real, honest and sincere. Minnesota Nice. I can’t wait to be back home.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Advice from Grandma Sylvie

Being a parent is one role that never ends. My mom (aka Grandma Sylvie) has always been a great role model for me as she and I had an amazing relationship while I was growing up and an even stronger one now that I have a child of my own.

She’s the same Grandma who told me she was going to start practicing her cartwheels when I found out I was pregnant. When my son was just two years old, she made my day (and lasting memories) by doing cartwheels in the park during our family vacation Hawaii while my son laughed and tried to imitate her.

Just today she sent me an email that provided some great advice and lovely thoughts on grandparenting- worthy of sharing and passing on to your loved ones (in my opinion):

Life:

The older you get the better you know yourself.

Love:

It is the greatest gift you can give someone, although you may not get love back in return.

Parenting:

Proved to me that there is a God – and God’s mom helped me through it!

Favorite Grandparent Perks:

Grandchildren are the best part of life and worth waiting for.
I love their laughter and honesty.
They know how to make your day just by holding your hand,
giving you a hug or smiling at you with a twinkle in their eyes that makes you feel special.
I am always looking forward to the next visit with them.

You’ll be hearing more from Grandma Sylvie in the near future. She’s preparing for Grandbaby #3 which means she’ll probably be doing cartwheels in the waiting room while my sister’s delivering.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home