I Want My MTV

One of the philosophies behind my company states that it takes a village to raise a child, so I realize that many parents, especially those who work outside the home or who are not up to date with what’s happening in pop culture, might not be aware of some of the television shows that are marketed to children and young adults. It’s our job to make them aware.

One show in particular is the recently launched series on MTV, entitled Skins. The show follows a group of high school friends as they experiment with sex, drugs, alcohol and other behaviors and activities that are not typically endorsed by mom and dad.

I haven’t watched MTV (Music Television) in years (since they stopped focusing on music) and I have not watched this show, nor do I intend to. I think MTV now stands for “Mature Television” since many of its shows contain content that “may not be suitable for all audiences.” In fact, click on the Skins site on the official MTV page and you’ll be prompted to verify your date of birth to see a Sneak Peek of this new series. How does one verify this information on their television?

I have to play the devil’s advocate for a second and question whether or not MTV’s motive behind this series is to actually open the eyes of parents who might not otherwise be aware that these type of behaviors are going on when they’re not looking. Perhaps the entire goal of airing this show is to help us understand that we need to be more involved in our children’s lives so that these risky and illegal behaviors don’t lure them in, regardless of whether or not they watch controversial television shows or movies.

There has been a call to action regarding MTVs Skins and banning it from your home, blocking MTV all together and asking advertisers to refrain from buying ads during this time slot. Might I suggest you simply watch this show with your child and discuss it afterward?

After talking about this new series with my husband several times over the last few days, I’ve come up with one conclusion: Kids who engage in these types of risky behaviors & activities don’t have parents who care as much as we do or that are aware that this television show exists.

I don’t think it benefits anyone from blocking, protecting, or censoring kids from the reality that these behaviors take place among teenage crowds, but there is a need to make each and every parent and educator aware of this show and that these activities and behaviors do take place among high school and even middle school students so that we can help children make decisions that will enhance their lives, and that won’t jeopardize their futures.

I will never understand why some parents do what they do or how their children end up in the situations like those found in the scenes of this show. I’m torn between who to be more upset with – MTV for airing this show, or the parents who gave the OK for their children to be a part of it.

Where do you stand?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Emptying the Nest

While I have been busy dealing with the expansion of our family unit, others moms in my circle have been preparing for the empty nest phase. I can’t imagine another transition that comes with more stress or emotion.

Today’s young people are growing up at such a fast pace. Parents are having to educate themselves on how to best prepare their offspring for life in the “real world,” even as the world evolves faster than most of us can comprehend.

As a Parent Educator, I work with parents of young children, for the most part. Their main concerns are trying to help their kids become more responsible and respectful, hoping to instill these qualities at a young age so that when the time comes for their kids to head out on their own, they’ll be perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and dealing with issues as an independent adult.

It’s certainly not easy.

Dr. Brad Sachs, a psychologist and father of three young adults, has written a book on Emptying the Nest, a book that is meant to reach parents before their children are launched into the world, unprepared.

In his clinical practice, Dr. Sachs realized that it was fairly common for young adults to unsuccessfully make the transition to independent life and his book serves to encourage parents to help their tweens and teens become more competent and resilient.

In analyzing this cultural phenomena through his own case studies, Dr. Sachs discusses the role of smaller family size, suggesting it may result in more helicopter parents:

Raising fewer children more easily creates the possibility of focusing too intently on those children, which in turn makes their eventual emancipation more involved and emotionally fraught for everyone involved.

These type of parents show uncertainty and ambivalence when it comes to striking the optimal balance between support and enabling, between care and overprotectiveness.

Modern technology is a contributing factor as well:

These perpetual electronic umbilical cords [instant messaging, text messages, email, video chat] can work against the process of separation…particularly when the young adult is feeling insecure about his capacity to strike out on his own.

Financial independence is also a challenge for many young adults, especially with the economy taking a turn for the worse over the last few years. “Tough economy or not…young people have simply not been expected to practice financial self-sufficiency and restraint during their adolescence, which hobbles their capacity to do so as young adults.”

Dr. Sachs goes on to discuss the developmental stages of letting go and exactly how parents can help prepare their young adults for true independence.

We see our children at various points in their development through the lens of how we remember ourselves when we were their age. And we nurture them according to how we were raised when we were at that stage.

I strongly advise parents to think back on their early adulthood with as much accuracy and objectivity as they can so that they operate with as much flexibility as possible, rather than unconsciously repeating old patterns, or reflexively opposing them.

In addition, it is worthwhile to consider being more honest with your young adult regarding what your life was like when you were his age.

He devotes an entire chapter on the relationship between mom and dad at this stage of their children’s lives:

While we tend, as mothers and fathers, to pay very careful attention to how our child-rearing behaviors affect our children’s development, we tend to minimize or even ignore how our marital behaviors affect our children’s development and the interaction between our lives as couples and as parents.

The relationship between a husband and wife can have an enormously positive or negative impact on a young adult’s efforts to separate and become self-sufficient.

With each stage of our children’s lives comes new challenges but I’m excited to know that there are great resources available for parents at every one of them. And knowing that focusing on my relationship with my husband will benefit all of us is even more encouraging.

I’m scheduling our monthly Date Night now just to keep us on track for the long – and exciting – journey ahead.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Too Sexy Halloween Costumes

A few years ago, I wrote about sexy Halloween costumes and how the commercialization, and sexualization of this annual event is reaching young people’s lives at an earlier age each year.

 

Sexy Remote Control?!

 

This morning, I joined Celeste Headlee and John Hockenberry on The Takeaway for a quick discussion on the trend and what it is about these sexy costumes that appeal to teens. Is it that they’re the only costumes available to them at the stores or is there an issue of self-image and self-esteem that need to be addressed if these are the types of outfits that young girls are selecting?

I don’t have a daughter but many of my friends will have to deal with this issue in the coming years. How do you handle the situation and what discussions come up when asking your daughter why it is she wants to select (if she does) a costume that you might feel is inappropriate?

Personally, I think creating your own costume and coming up with a unique idea is what Halloween should be about for kids that age. For the little ones, it’s about playing pretend and getting dressed up – and the candy! Adult versions of Halloween have unfortunately taken over so where do our teens and tweens fit in?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

How Healthy Are You?

If you’re anything like me, you make sure your child is taken care of, setting up doctor’s appointments in a timely manner and take him to the doctor when his fever is high, his cough lingers too long or something just doesn’t seem right.

If you’re anything like me, you haven’t been to the doctor yourself for quite some time. So, how do you know if you’re healthy then? What preventative measures can you take to make sure you remain strong and healthy so you can continue to take care of your child?

With a better general awareness of health, fitness, and nutrition, many people may feel that they are staying on track in doing what they need to in order to stay healthy. If you would like to see how you measure up, then take a few online quizzes and tests to see what you know and learn how you can keep yourself healthy and fit.

With categories including women’s health, men’s health, children’s and teen health, specific health issues, fitness, nutrition, and more, you will find plenty of quizzes to ensure you are on the right track with you and your family’s health. Remember, though, that these quizzes never substitute for a visit to your doctor.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I remember adults asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up and having no idea how to answer that question. I’ve only recently discovered what I truly want to do that would be fulfilling, provide me with a stable income and allow me to have the flexibility that I desire.

Young women have limitless options when it comes to the type of career they want but it certainly isn’t easy to figure out as a teen or young adult what job would suit them best.

In Their Shoes is a wonderful resource put together by Deborah Reber that just might help young women narrow down their career choices. Interviewing women in different professions, from a forensic scientist to librarian, firefighter to architect and over a dozen more, Reber highlights successful women and what it took for them to get to where they are today.

Senator Barbara Boxer and actress Maura Tierney are two recognizable names – and faces – included in this collection of careers that young women will understand more clearly after reading through this book.

In the back of the book is a Career Chooser checklist to help readers determine which jobs fall into categories that they might find appealing, such as jobs involving travel to interesting places, careers that provide opportunities to attend hip parties or that allow you to work from home.

I wish I had this book when I was in high school, trying to figure it all out. With this book and the information provided, young women can select a career path that they will be confident and eager to dive into when the time comes.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Questions You’d Never Ask Your Parents

Having an open and trusting relationship with our children is a goal that most parents have, but let’s be honest. No matter how open and respectful our relationship, there are many subjects that are a little embarrassing for both kids and parents.

I remember my mom telling me (over and over) how I could talk to her about anything and oftentimes I found myself (and still do) sharing too much information. But the fact remains that there were certain questions I had or things I wanted to know about that I just could never bring up with her.

Elisabeth Henderson and Nancy Armstrong put together an amazing book that I plan on purchasing for my son and slipping under his door someday. 100 Questions You’d Never Ask Your Parents answers many questions in thoughtful, simple ways for those curious and developing teens and tweens.

Providing your child with a safe environment to ask questions is a wonderful thing, but for those kids who just can’t seem to say some of these things out loud, this book is a must-have. I even suggest that parents buy this book before their children are ready for these topics so that they can come up with ways to answer their children’s questions if and when they are asked.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Next Generation Parenting

Through Facebook, I was introduced to a parenting blog with great articles and resources. Next Generation Parenting. Founded by a husband and wife who have a baby on the way, the site is set to launch in early 2009. They’re looking for bloggers to contribute to their site. Already, I’m impressed with the content that I’ve come across, from the article on Teaching Kids about Money to that of fingerprinting your child – the articles are relevant, interesting and include some fabulous contributors, all in one site.

Head on over to read articles categorized under education, teenagers, communication, child development, safety, special children, motherhood, entertainment and several others.

You can also join their Facebook group to be kept up to date on the latest articles and resources.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Words of Wisdom

Things have changed since I was in high school and certainly since my parents were teenagers. Young people today are constantly “connected” and social networking has changed the way people meet, date and get to know one another.

One thing that I noticed is that my perception, of myself and the world, has changed quite drastically since I was young.

My life experiences have made me more confident, more comfortable and because of this, more attractive. I’m not afraid to look someone in the eye and say this and I hope that all young women will embrace this knowledge for themselves:

A woman should not expect to feel special because a man treats her well. She should expect a man to treat her well because she is special.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

It Takes a (San Diego) Village

Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) of San Diego is proud to present

The First Annual “IT TAKES A VILLAGE” Conference

A 1-day convention for parents, teachers, coaches, grandparents, caregivers,
and anyone who interacts with children.

September 20, 2008
9:00 am – 5:00 pm

University of San Diego
Kroc Institute for Peace and Justice
5998 Alcala Park
San Diego, CA 92110

Over a dozen parenting workshops will be held throughout this one-day event. Here are just a sample of courses offered:

• Consequences that Work
• Effective Parent-Child Communication
• Enjoying the Teen Years
• Flower Essence Therapy
• Power Struggles in the Classroom
• Handling Sibling Rivalry
• Kids and Money, Abundance and Scarcity
• Let’s Talk about Sex..the Birds and the Bees (Please help me prepare for this workshop by filling out this questionnaire!)
• New Tools and Techniques in Place of Praise
• Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom
• Redirecting for the Single Parent
• Couple’s Communication
• Strategies for Parents in High-conflict Divorce
• Welcome to the Wonderful World of Sports
• Balancing Love with Discipline (English & Spanish)
• No I Won’t & You Can’t Make Me! (English & Spanish)

Keynote Speaker, Max Simon will join over a dozen Certified Parent Educators* from the San Diego RCB team to inspire peace!

Max Simon, a new school leader of consciousness, has toured the country with Deepak Chopra M.D. and his father, Dr. David Simon, teaching meditation and yoga to thousands of people.

Also presenting will be Emcee, Jeff Detrow from Star 94.1 (the Jeff‐N‐Jer Radio Show) and Susie Walton, founder of Indigo Village and recipient of the San Diego Parent Educator of the Year award. Susie will be presenting a special message about Indigo Children.

Register before September 13th for your early-bird discount!

*Educators are certified through the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF).

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Show and Tell

It has become a mission of mine to find – and share – the humorous, insightful and delightful blog posts that are posted on the web relating to parenting, relationships, sex and psychology. Here’s several that I discovered from the last few days:

• Subtle Differences Between Siblings
• Condom Popsicles
• Why Gender Doesn’t Matter
• Friends with Benefits
• Tweens and Teens Experiencing Abuse in Dating Relationships?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home