Archive for the ‘single parents’ Category

26 Jan

I’m not a perfect parent

Posted by hipm0m in behavior, child development, lessons my baby taught me, parenting as a team, parenting challenges, parenting class, RCB, redirecting children's behavior, single parents. Tagged: , , , , , , .

Just because I’m a Certified Parent Educator does not mean that I consider myself to be a perfect parent. I’m a work in progress.

When my oldest son was 3 years old, I took the 5-week course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) for the first time. My ex-husband took it as well – in fact, it was his idea. Our goal was to parent consistently even though we were parenting separately.

My son is now seven years old and with a stepdad and a new baby brother, we’re all having to adjust to our new situation and we’re constantly learning from one another in the process.

Recently, I convinced my husband (a first time parent) to take the 5-week course with me. He was able to attend the first two sessions before returning to work and I am currently over half way through the course. I’ll take it again when our boys get older, just to keep everything fresh and to take it all in from a new perspective since they’ll be at different developmental stages before I realize it.

I may not have all of the answers when it comes to my own children, but I also know that it’s much more difficult to come up with parenting solutions when it’s your own kids we’re talking about. We all have parenting challenges that keep us up at night or that our conversations naturally gravitate to. Our children are not perfect and neither are we.

Parenting is a job that never ends. Each day brings new challenges and every child is different. What works for one might not work for another and what worked today may not work tomorrow. Our kids keep us on our toes and I couldn’t imagine doing this job without the tools that I now have access to because of this RCB course.

I teach the 5-week course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior as well as one-hour parenting workshops that are more specific in nature. I work one-on-one with parents since the hardest part about taking this course is finding the time to do it. I’m flexible so we’ll set up a schedule that suits their needs. Sometimes I meet with them at night, others can work with me only every other weekend or during the day, while their kids are napping.

Since I was a single mom for most of my parenting career, my main focus is in working with other single parents to help them through the transition of separation or divorce and to help guide their child or children through the process as well.

Teaching and coaching parents reminds me what it is that I need to work on to be a better parent.

If you have a parenting challenge that you need help with, reach out and ask for support. Seek out someone who’s been there, send me an email or pick up the phone. That’s what I’m here for.

Lesson learned: I’m never done learning.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

24 Sep

Over One Thousand Ninety-Five Days Ago

Posted by hipm0m in anniversary, big brother, blended families, blogging, certified parent educator, cinimod, divorce, modern family, Mr. Right, new baby, parenting classes, parenting workshops, single parents.

My son loves numbers, big numbers especially. When he was asked in school to share a story about a time he got hurt, he referenced a time (obviously he couldn’t think of anything in particular) when he got hurt 365 days ago. He’s always asking how many days old he is (which is when I get out the handy calculator), hours, minutes, and even seconds. It’s fun to figure out these big numbers and even more exciting to count down the months, weeks, hours and minutes until he becomes a big brother.

Looking back at my archives, I realized that I missed my 3-year anniversary here. I’ve been blogging for just a little over three years and it’s hilarious – and overwhelming – to look back and see how much things have changed for us in these thousand and some days.

In the Fall of 2007 I became a Certified Parent Educator and was eager to help other single parents through the transition of a separation or divorce. My focus hasn’t changed and I’m pleased to announce that I’ll be holding regular classes, once again, in the coming months.

When I first started typing – and sharing here – I was newly single and scared as hell. I had a three year old boy who has now become a very wise, funny and sensitive young man. He’s growing up so quickly and it’s been a great journey so far, just the two of us.

Shortly though, there will be some major changes since he will no longer be an only child. He’s excited to be a new brother even though he has no idea what’s in store for us once we bring the baby home. Speaking of home, we don’t know where we’ll be living yet when that time comes and whether or not my husband will be able to finally be with us, permanently.

Our back-up plan is for him to take some unpaid time off to be with me while I recover and while we all bond with the new baby and try to get into a routine of some sort. It’s all very exciting, really. Overwhelming on most days but overall a very happy, positive change that we are looking forward to.

Who knows where we’ll be three years from now. I can’t even fathom what our life will be like in three months – with a new baby, a new home and a fresh start.

One day at a time…

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

14 Mar

Beautiful Blogger Award

Posted by hipm0m in awards, blog, sharing, single parents, suggested reading, support, writers.

Jennifer Kolari, child & family therapist and author of Connected Parenting passed on the Beautiful Blogger Award to me earlier today. It seems to be a month of fame & recognition for me but this award is different, in that I also get to pass it on to 7 bloggers who I feel deserve the same recognition.

First, I need to share 7 things about Happy Healthy Hip Parenting that you might not know. Here goes:

  1. I am a Certified Parent Educator through the International Network for Children and Families.
  2. I teach a 5-week course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior.
  3. I teach one hour workshops covering topics on Sibling Rivalry, The Terrific Twos, and Couple’s Communication. I am available to speak at your school or for your Mom’s group.
  4. I specialize in courses on Co-Parenting that are approved through the San Diego Court system.
  5. I can help you discover your Maximum Attraction or provide you with a Couple Compatibility report using The Ultimate Life Tool.
  6. I write online as the San Diego Parenting Examiner.
  7. You can find me at Parental Wisdom as one of the Advisor Experts.

And now, for the 7 blogger who I am passing on the Beautiful Blogger Award to:

  1. Not Your Average Single Mama – She’s at the top of my list because she doesn’t hold back, and is stronger than I could ever hope to be.
  2. Single Mom Survives - She cracks me up. Daily. She’s sassy and sweet, a great combination for any writer.
  3. Alaina (aka Ms. Single Mama) – Even though she has decided to stop blogging recently, her stories and her site will be around for a while. Please send her some comment love.
  4. Melysa of Mely Speaks – Her story is real and she’s not afraid to laugh at herself. We could all use a little Mely in our lives.
  5. Dr. Leah and Rachel Sarah of Single Mommyhood – Together, these two women have created a great site that offers support to single moms and those who love them.
  6. Jessica of Bern This – Who needs TV when you can watch the awesome and hilarious videos in her web series? Trust me, you won’t be disappointed.
  7. Kristin of Halfway to Normal – Kristin is a true writer, in every sense of the word. She makes readers think, discusses controversial subjects intelligently, offering a great debate on issues surrounding religion, marriage and raising three young women in our culture today.

This was not an easy list to compile. I follow so many single moms and dads, even, but this list is filled with the women who I find inspiring on many levels and whom I chat with outside of commenting on their blogs. They’re great, beautiful, strong women and I know that no matter what adventures they write about, I will be entertained, amazed and enriched.

Pass on the love, now ladies, by coming up with your own list of Beautiful Bloggers to share this award with.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

9 Nov

Rachel Sarah: The woman with two first names

Posted by hipm0m in authors, book review, dating, divorce, Facebook, Mary Pols, Rachel Sarah, single parents, writers.

Whenever I am introduced to someone named Sarah, the first thing that comes to mind is how she spells her name. Is it Sarah with an ‘h’ or without?

Ever since I discovered Rachel Sarah, I knew there was no way I could ever forget her name, or her writing. She’s everywhere. And I mean that in a good way. I picked up a copy of her book, Single Mom Seeking, while I was going through my divorce. I loved the idea of living vicariously through Rachel as I read her  story about  dating as a single parent.

Slowly, I began to immerse myself in everything having to do with being a single parent and soon started to share  stories online of my transition from married life to being a single mom.

Not long into my blogging “career,” I was honored to be  invited to be a part of the Single Parents Connection on Facebook. Rachel was one of the people who put it together and I was thrilled to be listed among her and some other amazing writers (Mary Pols, for example).

There are so many women and men out there who are successful at managing work and family and many who are also single parents. Rachel Sarah is one of them and is a true inspiration to me. She’s a terrific writer, an amazing mom and a woman who I can definitely relate to. I hope to be able to buy her a drink someday or thank her in person for helping me get through one the most challenging stages of my life, so far.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

21 Oct

Our non-traditional Halloween

Posted by hipm0m in 2006, blended families, divorce, ex-husband, families, family, Halloween, relationships, significant other, single parents.

The last few years have been dedicated to my transition into single motherhood and staying sane. It certainly has not been easy, but I feel as though, now, I’m in the most healthy state I have ever been in. Nothing reflects this more than seeing how confident and well-adjusted my son is at 5 1/2.

His father and I separated in 2006 and while we share in his birthday celebration each year, I have not participated in the Halloween experience since we all lived together.

This year will mark the first time that all three of us will spend Halloween together as a family. It will be also be a benchmark in determining how future holidays and special events will be celebrated since my boyfriend will also be joining us.

My son has grown very fond of the special man in my life (as have I), and has suggested that we all share in the trick-or-treating experience together. While this idea, at first, felt both awkward and unusual, I keep reminding myself that today’s “modern families” are as unique as fingerprints.

I would imagine that the four of us may not look like other families that come to your door on Halloween, but my son is a happy  and healthy little boy who has great role models in his life, beyond just his mom and dad. Who’s to say that our situation is not ideal?

CatMan

CatMan

While he doesn’t quite comprehend why we can’t all live together under the same roof, I will say that he’s pretty darn lucky to have two parents who are respectful, generous, and understanding of one another. Those of you who read this blog regularly may argue that the two of us could be more respectful toward one another and more understanding, but what our son sees and hears through our actions and how we “behave” in front of him is what has shaped him into the amazing little man he has become.

Halloween is over a week away, so I don’t know what will happen between now and then, but I do know that I am proud of my son for bringing us all together. I can’t imagine not being there to see him in his costume or the look on his face when he sifts through all the candy that he collects!

He chose his costume several months ago and I’m pleased to say that he has not let anyone, including his father and I, influence his decision. The photo to the left is of him trying on his Cat Woman ensemble for the first time.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

8 Sep

Domestic Reject

Posted by hipm0m in child support, divorce, ex-husband, family, marriage, single parents, success, unemployment.

When I separated from my ex-husband three years ago, we were making the same amount of money. Now that I’m relying only on unemployment, I thought it was time to request that  the child support be modified. I asked the court for a fee waiver when filing the paperwork since my monthly expenses exceed my income. I had to declare my income (unemployment benefits and child support) and wouldn’t you know it? I “make” too much money to qualify.

The paperwork that came back was titled “Domestic Reject Notice.” I have a good sense of humor and wanted to  laugh, but instead, those words only reminded me of how divorce is viewed – by many – as a failure. Yep, in that case, I would be considered a Domestic Reject.

Explaining to my son why his dad and I are no longer married is not easy, but he has asked that question recently. When I sat down to discuss it with him, the word “fail” never came to mind.  Did my ex and I fail each other? Definitely. But to understand where we were when we were married and to see where we are now only validates (at least in my opinion) that our marriage was not a failure. Our marriage was pretty successful, especially considering the fact that it ended when it did.

We have succeeded at bringing our beautiful son into the world, we continue to succeed at raising him – together, but separately – and our son is healthy and happy.  We’re both very much involved in our son’s life and actively present in the classroom.

I may feel like a Domestic Reject on some occasions, but today is not one of them. Our son started his first day of Kindergarten today and I enjoyed watching him play with the other kids, explore his new classroom and say goodbye  (with little hesitation).

I’ll remember this day for a long time and no matter what happens, my son will always know that he has a loving family that continues to succeed by supporting one another.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

1 Sep

Where are all the single dads?

Posted by hipm0m in divorce, friendship, single dads, single life, single moms, single parents.

So, I attended a birthday party this last weekend with my son and about 30 other kids. I knew many of them from his school, although some were unfamiliar to me. Of course, since I knew many of the parents, it was them who I talked to mostly but I also enjoy meeting new people. I’m friendly and am always looking to meet new playmates for my son – which requires that they have parents that I can hang out with. (When your kids have friends with parents that you might not have things in common with, it’s usually not such a good thing.)

Anyways, I was trying to mingle and not look like a single mom desperate for a new husband, but I was trying to figure out where all the single dads were. It’s not like I have a gay-dar type detection for these types of fathers. So many married men don’t wear their wedding band (trust me, I look on the left hand of pretty much all parents I meet – men and women).

The stereotype used to be (back when my parents had young kids) that the dads would drink beer, play softball together and not really have much involvement in their kid’s lives. Nowadays, you can’t be too sure what father is on weekend duty (working dad or single father) since they’re all much more involved in their children’s lives than generations before.

I think this is a good thing, for those of you wondering where this is going, but personally, I wish there were some sort of symbol or hand gesture to be able to recognize other single parents. Again, I’m talking about both men and women here, since these are the moms and dads that I can relate to the most.

There’s gotta be a code that we can create so that we can find each other in a crowded room. Don’t you think?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

30 Aug

Total Divorce’s Definite Divorce Reads

Posted by hipm0m in best of lists, blended families, Blogroll, blogs, divorce, lists, relationships, remarriage, single parents, step-families, twitter.

I’m so pleased when people find my site helpful enough to recommend to others, but to be included on a list like Total Divorce’s Definite Divorce Reads is pretty intimidating since my blog’s listed among some pretty great writers, many of whom I’ve become friends with since we started commenting on one another’s sites. Here’s a breakdown of the list, featuring 63 blogs among 7 different categories:

Working Through Divorce

Advice on Divorce and Relationships

Single Parenting & Raising a Blended Family

Children and Divorce

Life After Divorce

Divorce and Finances

Divorce Networking Sites

Head over to the original list for details and descriptions on the above sites.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

29 Aug

Choosing Sides

Posted by hipm0m in abusive relationships, depression, divorce, drugs and alcohol, miscarriage, sexual abuse, single parents, STDs.

Being a single parent can be isolating at times, especially when it comes to making friends with your children’s friend’s parents who don’t always want to choose sides. I’ve been divorced for several years and our son started attending his current school long after our divorce was finalized but it seems like the second people find out we’re not married to each other any more, there’s nothing left to say.

We can’t quite relate to the same things and the conversations take on a whole different tone when I bring up anything having to do with the fact that my son has two homes. It’s awkward, not for me, but for the married individuals who I’m chatting with. I can see them processing the information, wondering what that would be like, grateful that they have a partner to rely on.

At first, when we were in the process of separating, other parents wouldn’t know what to say, and acted as though the whole divorce thing was contagious. (I hate to break it to you people, but it is. There’s an epidemic going on in case you hadn’t noticed.)

Many of my friends, my closest friends, have been through a divorce or have been a single parent (not necessarily both) so there’s a whole other element of our lives that we can relate to, even if we weren’t friends at the time when we were all going through it all.

I had very few friends around me when I was dealing with my divorce. That in itself was depressing, but I’m so grateful now to be able to offer words of wisdom based on the fact that I survived and that I can help others understand that they’re not alone, whether they work our the issues in their marriage or end up separating and moving on.

It’s never easy. Relationships can end, for a myriad of reasons. I don’t judge anyone if I haven’t walked in their shoes but I do consider myself a good listener. I’ve gone through some pretty difficult things in my past (sexual assault, miscarriage, depression, drug /alcohol abuse, abusive relationships, divorce, dealing with STDs, single parenthood). You name it, I’ve probably gone through it, and while there are things that were extremely difficult to deal with, I know that there’s a reason why I was put on this Earth.

The fact that I can help others who are going through similar experiences is what keeps me going. It inspires me to be able to use my opportunities to growth and change to help others get through the day because sometimes it’s simply a matter of not wanting to choose. 

Having to choose between going through something difficult and finding a way to escape is not something that anyone wants to have to deal with. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

14 Aug

Missing Out

Posted by hipm0m in cinimod, depression, divorce, milestones, single parents.

My son’s first tooth fell out last Friday at school. His dad picked him up for the weekend and even though they told me right away my heart sank from not being able to be there and hug him and see his face when he got to share the news. He did call me and I heard the excitement in his voice so it did sort of make up for the fact that I wasn’t there to also see his face the next morning when he discovered the quarter under his pillow that the Tooth Fairy left in exchange for his tooth.

Imagine my surprise when this week, his second tooth fell out at school once again. And again on a day that he would be spending the night at his dad’s.

They say that going through a divorce is much like dealing with death. There’s a grieving process involved and even though time heals and you are able to start seeing the positive aspects of life from your new point of view, there are still times when those raw feelings come up and bring you down.

Parents who raise their children in two homes go through this process over and over again, from having to deal with the times when they’re not there for their child (nightmares, milestones, first experiences), it’s an emotion that is hard to talk about, difficult to express and at times feels selfish to even acknowledge. After all, is my son missing out on anything or is it just me who’s feeling left out?

His father and I share moments like this with one another because we know how important it is for all of us. We have our son call the other parent to share his excitement when things occur that we’d want to be a part of ourselves were the roles reversed, but at what point does it stop hurting? At what point do I start being excited for my son and not feel sorry about not being there? Please tell me it gets easier…

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home
« Older Entries
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 63 other followers