I Want My MTV

One of the philosophies behind my company states that it takes a village to raise a child, so I realize that many parents, especially those who work outside the home or who are not up to date with what’s happening in pop culture, might not be aware of some of the television shows that are marketed to children and young adults. It’s our job to make them aware.

One show in particular is the recently launched series on MTV, entitled Skins. The show follows a group of high school friends as they experiment with sex, drugs, alcohol and other behaviors and activities that are not typically endorsed by mom and dad.

I haven’t watched MTV (Music Television) in years (since they stopped focusing on music) and I have not watched this show, nor do I intend to. I think MTV now stands for “Mature Television” since many of its shows contain content that “may not be suitable for all audiences.” In fact, click on the Skins site on the official MTV page and you’ll be prompted to verify your date of birth to see a Sneak Peek of this new series. How does one verify this information on their television?

I have to play the devil’s advocate for a second and question whether or not MTV’s motive behind this series is to actually open the eyes of parents who might not otherwise be aware that these type of behaviors are going on when they’re not looking. Perhaps the entire goal of airing this show is to help us understand that we need to be more involved in our children’s lives so that these risky and illegal behaviors don’t lure them in, regardless of whether or not they watch controversial television shows or movies.

There has been a call to action regarding MTVs Skins and banning it from your home, blocking MTV all together and asking advertisers to refrain from buying ads during this time slot. Might I suggest you simply watch this show with your child and discuss it afterward?

After talking about this new series with my husband several times over the last few days, I’ve come up with one conclusion: Kids who engage in these types of risky behaviors & activities don’t have parents who care as much as we do or that are aware that this television show exists.

I don’t think it benefits anyone from blocking, protecting, or censoring kids from the reality that these behaviors take place among teenage crowds, but there is a need to make each and every parent and educator aware of this show and that these activities and behaviors do take place among high school and even middle school students so that we can help children make decisions that will enhance their lives, and that won’t jeopardize their futures.

I will never understand why some parents do what they do or how their children end up in the situations like those found in the scenes of this show. I’m torn between who to be more upset with – MTV for airing this show, or the parents who gave the OK for their children to be a part of it.

Where do you stand?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

101 Questions Kids Really Ask

A few weeks ago, I received a copy of a wonderful question and answer book on sexuality that was put together by Mary H. Halter, founder of Healthy Edudynamics, an organization that educates young people by providing them with the knowledge and space to develop a healthy respect for their own bodies and the bodies of others. Set up in chapters focusing on the real questions that kids of all ages ask, the answers provide parents and educators, and even kids themselves, with accurate information that can help guide them through puberty.

While the questions from the serious (What would happen to the baby if a pregnant woman did use drugs?) to the more innocent (Why do girls’ breasts grow bigger and boys’ don’t?), there are also questions that are pretty funny, from an adult perspective but can seem quite important – and perhaps scary – to a child (How many minutes do you have to stay in sex?)

Mary provides honest, accurate and age appropriate responses which parents can alter for their own children depending on the situation and how much your child is able to comprehend.

101 Questions Kids Really Ask…And the Answers They Need to Know is available through the Healthy Edudynamics website, along with a DVD that provides a comprehensive health education program for homes, schools, churches and community organizations.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Save the Males

I came across a blog post which caused me to think about feminism in a different way and how it has affected men in our society.

I found myself in complete agreement with most of the issues raised by Kathleen Peterson, blogger over at The Intellectual Insurgent. In her discussion, Kathleen mentions several books, including Save the Males: Why Men Matter Why Women Should Care, by Kathleen Parker. Parker discusses how the feminist movement in America has created enemies out of the opposite sex instead of its original intent to create equality.

Other books she mentions include Unprotected, by Miriam Grossman, a psychiatrist at UCLA Student Psychological Services and advocate for youth and urging others in her field (as well as parents and educators) to empower young men and women by speaking truthfully about sexuality and gender roles (and stereotypes) instead of talking to them in politically correct ways that don’t benefit them as patients or respect them as individuals.

She also refers to Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls (and America, Too!), a book by Carol Platt Libeau.

I encourage you to head over to Kathleen’s blog for more, but I do want to point out something that she said that completely held true, in my opinion:

Our cultural assumption that men only want sex has been as damaging to them as to the women they target. Here is how a recent graduate summed it up to me: “Hooking up is great, but at some point you get tired of everything meaning nothing.”

Ultimately, what our oversexualized, pornified culture reveals is that we think very little of our male family members. Undergirding the culture that feminism has helped to craft is a presumption that men are without honor and integrity. What we offer men is cheap, dirty, sleazy, manipulative sensation. What we expect from them is boorish, simian behavior that ratifies the anti-male sentiment that runs through the culture.

Being the mother of a young boy has made me realize how important it is for us as parents to educate our children (male or female) about respect, equality and once and for all, getting rid of the stereotypes that surround us as individuals.

If you’re looking for a way to introduce the idea of equality to young people and allowing children at a young age to understand the concept of respect, admiration, and how truly attractive these qualities are, I highly recommend that you read Singing to the Sun, by Vivian French.

A modern twist to a classic fairy tale, this picture book uses the Princess Bride concept and allows for the lead characters (one male, the other female) to evolve and provide readers of all ages the opportunity to seek the same.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Community Members

I celebrated the one year anniversary of this blog not that long ago and I’m amazed at how quickly things have evolved for me and how many wonderful people I have met along over the last twelve months.

People often ask me how I find the time to write and how I find the content to include. I read articles about parenting, blog posts about children, and I receive newsletters that inspire me as well as discovering people through our connections on line, whether it be through LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace or from reading the comments left on the blogs that I read and simply clicking through and making new friends in the process.

There are several people I have met that I’d like to introduce my community members to. One, in particular, is a woman named Cathy Northcutt who I spent yesterday afternoon with. She’s a wonderful example of Passionate Parenting and has inspired me to take my company in new directions and I applaud her efforts of using her experience as a Life Coach and mother of two to inspire others to explore their opportunities through insight and support.

Cathy and I met through our connection with the RCB Team of Certified Parent Educators here in San Diego. She too, taught at the RCB conference and sat in on my class about The Birds & the Bees.

She does many wonderful things which I will highlight in future posts, such as her journal entitled Who Am I? (which I’ll be reviewing soon), but the one thing I can’t wait to share is her weekly Telegathering which is held every Tuesday night.

Join in the Passionate Parent Coaching Call which is free (other than the long-distance phone call to dial in). During the first half of the sixty-minute session, Cathy will discuss a specific parenting issue, such as teaching self-control, handling sibling rivalry, or balancing work & family. The second half of the session will be open for questions.

I plan on being there this, and every, Tuesday night so I encourage you to visit Cathy’s website, learn more about her, whether or not you’re ready for a Life Coach, or get to know yourself better by answering the questions she provides.

Be sure to RSVP for the Tuesday night Coaching Call and please let Cathy know that you heard about her here. Once you confirm that you’ll be calling in, she’ll provide you with the phone number and access code. I’ll see you on the call Tuesday, October 7th at 8:30pm (PST).

To learn more about her services and retreats by visiting her site:
www.CathyNorthcutt.com

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

When Did This Turn Into a Sex Blog?

Perhaps from the lack of sex I’m actually having, I’ve turned to reading about sex and discussing it here on my blog.

Oh well. I’m getting satisfaction and pleasure from my writing (not in that way), so I feel the need to continue but will try not to overdo the sex talk.

Speaking of sex talk, people all over the world are talking about sex and education, and teens, thanks to the recent announcement about Sarah Palin’s new status as grandmother-to-be. That’s right, I’m focusing instead on her role in the family matter rather than her daughter’s. I have my opinions on the situation, but who am I to talk? Enough people are doing that already.

I do, however, feel the need to remind everyone, no matter what our political or religious views, about how important it is to talk to our children – from a young age – about sex and providing them with opportunities to discuss questions they have. I can’t stress enough to my young son how I want him to be able to talk to me about anything. Even at his young age, I’m trying to open the doors of communication between us so that when the time comes for those difficult, if not awkward conversations, it’ll be less likely to be an embarrassing discussion (for either of us).

Clearly, if you read this blog, I’m open to talking about my views on, well, pretty much everything, so there’s probably less likelihood that my son will impregnate a young girl before they turn 18, right? WRONG. Just because I am open to discussing issues about sex, contraception, birth control, abstinence and giving him all of the information necessary to make his own decisions, they will in fact be his own decisions and regardless of how safe and smart young people are, life happens.

Alright, I said I wasn’t going to share my thoughts on the whole matter, and I haven’t, really. Have I?

By the way, for those living in the San Diego area, I’m teaching a parenting workshop in just a few weeks on this very topic: Speaking to Young People about Sex. It’s not easy for everyone to be as open as I am about these sorts of things, especially with children. I’m hoping that the course will help parents understand their sexual values and focus a bit more on what types of information they want to share with their children before their child comes to them with questions.

Do you talk to your children about pregnancy and protecting themselves from STDs?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

It Takes a (San Diego) Village

Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) of San Diego is proud to present

The First Annual “IT TAKES A VILLAGE” Conference

A 1-day convention for parents, teachers, coaches, grandparents, caregivers,
and anyone who interacts with children.

September 20, 2008
9:00 am – 5:00 pm

University of San Diego
Kroc Institute for Peace and Justice
5998 Alcala Park
San Diego, CA 92110

Over a dozen parenting workshops will be held throughout this one-day event. Here are just a sample of courses offered:

• Consequences that Work
• Effective Parent-Child Communication
• Enjoying the Teen Years
• Flower Essence Therapy
• Power Struggles in the Classroom
• Handling Sibling Rivalry
• Kids and Money, Abundance and Scarcity
• Let’s Talk about Sex..the Birds and the Bees (Please help me prepare for this workshop by filling out this questionnaire!)
• New Tools and Techniques in Place of Praise
• Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom
• Redirecting for the Single Parent
• Couple’s Communication
• Strategies for Parents in High-conflict Divorce
• Welcome to the Wonderful World of Sports
• Balancing Love with Discipline (English & Spanish)
• No I Won’t & You Can’t Make Me! (English & Spanish)

Keynote Speaker, Max Simon will join over a dozen Certified Parent Educators* from the San Diego RCB team to inspire peace!

Max Simon, a new school leader of consciousness, has toured the country with Deepak Chopra M.D. and his father, Dr. David Simon, teaching meditation and yoga to thousands of people.

Also presenting will be Emcee, Jeff Detrow from Star 94.1 (the Jeff‐N‐Jer Radio Show) and Susie Walton, founder of Indigo Village and recipient of the San Diego Parent Educator of the Year award. Susie will be presenting a special message about Indigo Children.

Register before September 13th for your early-bird discount!

*Educators are certified through the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF).

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Getting Around

I’ve been finding great articles and blog posts around the web these last few days. Here are several that caught my attention:

• How to Talk To Your Daughter About Sex
• 56 Reasons to Have Sex
• How to Break Up with Parental Baggage
• Hooking Up: I Just Want to Be Your Lover

In case anyone is wondering about my interest in sex articles lately, it’s because I’m working on writing a curriculum for a parenting workshop on discussing sexuality with children of all ages and developmental stages.

I’ve put together a survey of questions that will serve to provide me with more insight on what adults have to say about their introduction to sex and the conversations they may or may not have had with their own parents about the topic. Thanks in advance for your participation.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Sex Ed – Grown Up Edition

I’m working on writing a curriculum entitled, Let’s Talk About Sex: Straight Talk Between Parent and Child. I’ll be teaching this one-hour workshop to parents in the community in September. Incorporated in the workshop is a growing list of topics to help young parents educate their children so that they can – hopefully – make smarter, healthier decisions when it comes to their bodies and their sexuality.

STDs are top on the priority list as far as things I plan to cover. Some parents might want to know why my first concern is not “birth control,” or discussing reasons to abstain.

Times have changed since my parents were teens. Times have changed – dramatically – since I was a teen. Sexually active people (no matter what their age) have always put themselves “at risk” for unplanned pregnancies, hence the name “birth control.”

What amazes me is how little is known or discussed about STDs and the prevention of them. Sexually active individuals are more likely to have an STD, pass along an STD unknowingly or contract an STD than they are to conceive a child! This is the reality that young people, in particular, are having to deal with – unfortunately, from first-hand experience.

One in four American women between the ages of 14 and 19
has a sexually transmitted disease.

There have been many reports and discussions in the news about young people engaging in oral sex more often than the “sex” sex that most of us knew as teenagers. Yes, oral sex “existed” then, but there are many young people today who consider themselves virgins (and admit this proudly) even though they’ve participated in oral sex.

Times certainly have changed. With statistics being what they are, this type of ignorance is more dangerous to a person’s health than they realize.

Let’s start to educate ourselves and our children before it’s too late.

Thank you to LOVE IN THE TIME OF HERPES for the inspiration behind this post. And a big thank you hug goes out to the blogger for her dedication to educating readers and allowing those of us who have an STD to “come out of the closet.”

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Let’s Talk About Sex

Since my son is only four, I haven’t felt the need to start worrying – just yet – about the sex talk, but I’m prepared for when the time comes to sit down with him and explain ways in which he can protect himself (and his partner) from not only unwanted pregnancy, but from STDs as well.

Now I’m not going to preach here or share with you my personal beliefs (or experiences) but I will say this: I was a teenager once.

Childhood is much different these days than it was when I was growing up. I’m sure things will change quite a bit more before my son reaches his teen years. Check out this startling new Safe Sex Passport that is meant to be provided to / from partners before sexual activity.

Luckily, there are several resources that will help give him the proper information while allowing him to explore these embarrassing and often-times, difficult questions on his own.

Thanks to the Daily Bedpost, I discovered that today is the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Now, I realize that unwanted pregnancy is not something anyone (of any age) wants to deal with, but what about preventing STDs. Isn’t that something to be even more concerned with?

Here are just a few sites I’ve discovered that provide factual information and answer questions many people may have:

Planned Parenthood

Smarter Sex

Your Total Health:
Sexual Health Information

SIECUS: Sexuality Information and Education
Council of the United States

Medical Institute for Sexual Health

Sexual Health Network

Coalition for Positive Sexuality

Feminine Box

I Wanna Know

And for parents or adults to share with children:

How to Talk to Your Child About Sex:
It’s Best to Start Early, but It’s Never Too Late
A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents

It’s Not the Stork

It’s So Amazing

It’s Perfectly Normal

Ten Talks Parents Must Have
with their Children about Sex & Character

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Pop Quiz

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner – an annual celebration that people either love or love to hate – I thought I’d share some fun on line quizzes that I’ve come across. I haven’t taken these myself (or if I have, I’m not talking) but if you’re looking for a way to entertain yourself come February 14th take one or two of these and see if She (or He’s) the One or determine if you are indeed a Sex Goddess!

And if you’re looking for a unique site to shop for you loved ones (or yourself) visit Refinery 29 Shops featuring couture-type clothing at prices even you can afford.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home