Marriage Milestones

My husband flies in today for a whirlwind weekend. We’ll be discussing baby names, visiting the doctor for an ultrasound & check-up and shopping for awesome baby gear when we finally register for items we’ll need when the baby arrives. Oh, and we’ll also spending quality family time with my son. And tonight, just the two of us, we’ll be celebrating our one month wedding anniversary.

As obnoxious as it may sound, I think celebrating our anniversary monthly is a great way to ensure that our relationship remains strong and stable. After all, we celebrate our baby’s milestones by the month and pregnancy by the week. We honor half-birthdays and even when dating, couples often acknowledge their six month anniversary as they journey toward a long-term commitment.

If you’re not setting aside a special Date Night with your partner at least once a month, I highly recommend that you get out your calendars now and start scheduling them. It might not sound romantic to make an appointment with your significant other, but you know as well as I do that when that day or night comes, it’ll make all the difference in the world. My husband and I have the luxury of planning our next weekends together. The time apart is torture but having that date on the calendar to look forward to is quite exciting!

Marriage, these days, is like a marathon. We train in many ways and we have a goal in mind before we even make that commitment although some of us won’t, don’t, or shouldn’t make it across that finish line.

Which is why each mile we pass should be celebrated and with every month that my husband and I can set aside time for each other – just the two of us – there will be yet another reminder that we each have a supportive coach on the sidelines, running  or walking right with us and cheering us on the entire way.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Rules of Engagement

Most people who know me realize that I don’t do things in the traditional way. Not that I’m against tradition or feel the need to rebel all the time, but my way of doing things is simply, different.

When it comes to my relationship with Mr. Right, there’s really no right or wrong way to make our relationship work. It just does.

A few months ago, he decided to move here to San Diego. About a month later, we found out that we had a baby on the way. And just last month, we started to make plans to get married and make everything official.

Of course, because he’s still living in another state, it makes things a bit tricky, but for obvious reasons, we were both so excited to move forward with our lives and make plans to start our future together that we decided to get married now. As in this week. Less than a few days from the time I type this.

My son is very excited, too. He’ll be the ring bearer and wants to take pictures as well so we’re making it happen. We want this day to be just as memorable for him as it will be for us so the ceremony will be on the beach and the three of us will enjoy ice cream afterwards (his favorite treat).

And even though Mr. Right will have to hop on a plane and return home the very next day, we still couldn’t think of a better way to begin our new life together. It will be perfect.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Our Long-Distance Relationship

I’ve been dating Mr. Right for several months now (seven, if you’re keeping track) and every time his name comes up, the same question is asked: When is he going to move here?

At first, I avoided the question, letting people know we take things day by day and are in no hurry to rush into anything.

If you asked either of us directly, we’d say the same thing. We enjoy our time together, look forward to those long weekends and cherish the time we have to ourselves. In that time, we’re able to develop our individual interests, careers, goals, and hobbies so that we can fully give to one another when we can.

But…

We’re not kids anymore, and our relationship with one another has quickly become one of the most important components of who we are. We schedule time to chat during the week so that we can devote quality time to one another, checking in on a regular basis, gaining an understanding of the daily situations, experiences, thoughts, and emotions that same-city couples encounter.

Again, there’s no rush. In fact, I would argue that we’re more cautious because of the additional challenges we face.

Long-distance relationships require additional effort. It hasn’t been easy and I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand our situation if they haven’t been in a long-distance relationship themselves, or in a relationship with a single parent.

The fact that the two of us have known each other for so long seems to be the key to our success. What happens in the future depends on our continued commitment to being open, honest and receptive. I see no reason why this would change.

We create our destiny. It is what we make of it. We allow our experiences to influence our emotions and shape how we feel about where each step will lead.

As I write this, I think of how far we’ve come, the distance between us and the history that keeps us moving forward, together, looking in the same direction, focusing on where we hope to be twenty years from now – by each other’s side.

It feels good. It feels right. It feels safe, comfortable and perfect. In every way.

I hold on to this feeling…knowing that every moment we’re apart brings us closer together in the end, and yet there is no end…

This is just the beginning.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

How Will We Love?

Chris Brickler was one of the keynote speakers at the It Takes a Village  Parenting Conference this past weekend in San Diego. His presentation touched everyone in the audience and his film truly inspires and challenges us to change the way we, as a society, view – and value – commitment and marriage.

Starting with an interview of his grandparents and honoring their marriage of over 68 years, Brickler’s documentary, How Will We Love? seeks to determine why it is that over 50% of marriages end in divorce while many of us still cling to the hope of a happily-ever-after, life-long romance.

Speaking with experts in the field of marriage, relationships, sexuality, and communication, as well as sharing insights from couples – both young and old – How Will We Love? is a bittersweet and inspirational journey through the heartache and exuberance love can create.

Whether you’re married, engaged or healing from a heartbreak, this film is a much-needed discussion starter on dating, pre-marital sex, love, marriage and what it means to be in a committed relationship.

I’m pleased to be able to give away a copy of this DVD. To win this copy, please let us know which couple inspires you and why. It could be your grandparents, your friend’s parents, or another couple you know – perhaps even a couple on TV! One winner will be selected – at random – on Sweetest Day (October 17th).

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Twenty Questions

I’m really having a good time getting to know Mr. Right all over again and there are so many questions I want to ask.

Here are just a few. And yes, I plan on sharing my answers with him to.

1. What has been one of your biggest accomplishments?
2. If you could excel at any competitive sport which would you choose?
3. How would your last girlfriend or boyfriend describe you?
4. What traits are most important to you in a future partner?
5. What are you passionate enough about to fight for?
6. Has your heart ever been broken?
7. What was the craziest thing you ever did when you were a kid?
8. Who has the most influence over you?
9. What have you learned from your biggest challenge in life?
10. What’s the worst mistake you ever made in a relationship?
11. Are you a spiritual person?
12. What’s your favorite scent? Least favorite?
13. What do you want to be doing in 10 years?
14. Would you like to live somewhere else?
15. What’s the most unusual thing you know how to do?
16. What do you have a hard time saying “no” to?
17. How do you act when you’re angry?
18. Who are you closest to in your family?
19. What do you want to make sure you do before you die?
20. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?

There are several companies that make discussion starter queue cards like these Table Topics that come in a variety of themes, to spark discussions among Couples, Teens, and Family.

I want to get to know you as well, so if you are reading this, please take a moment to select one (or more)  of the above questions to answer. I’ll post my responses next week (when I return from my romantic weekend with my significant other).

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Ditching Mr. Wrong

If you’re a single woman looking for a lifelong partner, time is precious. If you want to have children, you have a biological deadline and a lot at stake in finding a suitable man. Even if you don’t want kids, who wants to waste time on the journey toward a happy and lasting relationship? Yet too many smart women spend months or even years dating men who are clearly wrong for them.

Ditching Mr. Wrong: How to End a Bad Relationship and Find Mr. Right, a new book by Nicholas Aretakis, is for them. Based on interviews with hundreds of singles about relationships and the dating game, Ditching Mr. Wrong is a wake-up call for women who are ready to take a hard look at their relationships and get rid of boyfriends who will never be Mr. Right.

When you buy Ditching Mr. Wrong between March 25th and March 28th, 2009 from the link below, you will get it at a great discount and receive many gifts and bonuses with it, such as the chance to purchase Nicholas Aretakis’s other book, No More Ramen: The 20-Something’s Real World Survival Guide: Straight Talk on Jobs, Money, Balance, Life, and More, at half-price, exclusive excerpts and downloadable copies of books. Your purchase will automatically enter you into a drawing to win one of 11 books from renowned authors. Remember, this offer is good only for four days!

VIEW THE PAGE, BUY THE BOOK AND CLAIM YOUR GIFTS!

http://rebeccasreads.com/eParties/BookLaunchAretakisDitchingMrWrong.html

From the Rebeccas Reads review of Ditching Mr. Wrong, by Kam Aures:

“I really believe that “Ditching Mr. Wrong” would be a beneficial read to anyone who is having difficulty in finding “Mr. Right.” Aretakis’s book is fun to read, and the advice given is sound. The information is presented in a clear, straightforward manner, and I think that all single women out there will find very helpful in aiding their relationship decisions.”

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Second First Date

After a successful and fun meet ‘n greet, my new male friend picked me up last night for our first official date. Let me step back a few days though to share with you how the week went.

Our meet ‘n greet was last Sunday and I had a really good time. I thought he had a good time as well. In fact, he had mentioned a “next time,” so I assumed that we’d communicate afterward about seeing each other again. Three days went by without hearing from him and I was a bit concerned. I was confused. I was disappointed. It’s not easy to get back into the dating scene, especially when it involves searching through numerous online profiles, trying to determine how to reach out to those who peak my curiosity.

On Wednesday afternoon, he finally called but, because I was at work, I wasn’t able to take the call. He did leave a message and I found myself laughing out loud when I listened to it. He joked about how he had read a Guy’s Rule Book on Dating and noted that it had officially been 72 hours since our first meeting so it was now the opportune time to follow up. Then he simply asked if he could take me to dinner on Saturday and left it at that.

I had to arrange for a babysitter in order to confirm that I could go out but that only took a few minutes of text messaging to schedule. One of my son’s former teachers who lives in our neighborhood agreed to come by to hang out with him so I could go on this date. She’s married with no children of her own (yet) and is someone my son feels completely comfortable with. What would I do without teachers like her?

Saturday arrives and it’s amazingly hot out. I’m sweating already because I’m a little nervous and I’m not quite sure what to wear. I change my outfit a record number of times before finally deciding on a black top and jean skirt. Casual for a first date, I realize, but since I was overdressed for our meet ‘n greet, I figured I could get away with it.

I had no idea where he would be taking me but this is what has always intrigued me about dates. Normally, I would be a bit concerned about getting inside someone’s car without knowing where our final destination would be, but I eagerly climbed inside when he finally came to pick me up.

He was a few minutes late and didn’t mention it when he pulled into the parking lot but since I’m notoriously late for just about everything, I really can’t hold that against him.

Once again, he impressed me. We drove up the coast and went to a restaurant overlooking the ocean. It was a beautiful night so we sat outside, enjoyed a few glasses of wine with our meal and laughed, a lot.

We played the back and forth questions game and got to know each other a bit more. Not once was there an awkward moment in the conversation – that is until I asked about why he signed up with eharmony. There was a moment of silence before he revealed that he was looking for a partner; someone he could go home to at the end of the day and share his life with.

He asked the same question of me, and since it was only fair, I admitted that I wasn’t quite sure what my goal was or is with eharmony. So far, I met a nice man who truly knows how to treat a woman and plans great date nights and I’m enjoying it. I’m not sure where this will lead or if I will meet more men to spend time with but I’m having fun, I’m making up for lost time and feeling good about myself and the man I’m getting to know. I don’t really know if there’s reason to think beyond that as far as the future is concerned. I’ve always been the type of person who lives in the moment, enjoys just being where I am and who I am with.

And I did enjoy where I was last night and who I was with. We went to a concert afterwards (I love live music) and he treated me the entire night, something I was not used to at all. We danced, laughed, touched each other innocently, but often, and when I cut the night short (I was expected home by midnight), I truly did regret having to end the date.

When he dropped me off at home, he got out of the car to walk me to the door. I embraced and thanked him for the fabulous night. I kissed him softly on the lips before saying goodnight and moments later, I fell asleep, smiling.

I thought about him as soon as I woke up, still smiling.

That was the first date that I’ve been on in a really, long time. In fact, he even asked me during dinner about the last date I had. Sadly, I couldn’t even recall when that might have been, or with who. But what I do know is that I will remember last night’s date for a long time to come and I look forward to our next.

More Dating Tips:
Dating Tips and Advice

About.com: Dating

Your Romance Guide

Relationship Advice

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

What Movie is Your Love Life Like?

It’s as if they know me and my past… Your Love Life is Like Casablanca

“Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.” For you, love is never finished. If you’ve loved someone once, you’ll always love them. You’re an old fashioned romantic… even if your relationships don’t end up as romantic as you’d like. Your love style: Traditional and understated Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Complicated and ambiguous

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Lessons to Learn from Same-Sex Couples

A study from San Diego State University suggests that committed same-sex couples are more satisfied with their partners than married heterosexual couples. The study surveyed same-sex couples who had civil unions in Vermont, same-sex couples not in civil unions and married heterosexual couples, over a three-year period. Results of the study showed that same-sex couples reported greater relationship quality, compatibility, intimacy and lower levels of conflict than married couples.

“If you think about same sex couples, you have two women or two men, who were raised in more similar ways. They’re both from ‘Mars,’ both from ‘Venus,’ and so it’s actually not surprising that when it comes to relationship satisfaction they do better,” said Esther Rothblum, SDSU professor. “Because of this they may not have to negotiate the huge barriers that men and women do in terms of how they view conflict, provide emotional support or handle childrearing,” said Rothblum.

According to the study, same-sex couples were indistinguishable from heterosexual married couples on many other relationship variables, including the number of children, sexual behavior and frequency of contact with their parents with or without their partners. This was the first study to follow same-sex couples in civil unions over time. It was published in the January issue of Developmental Psychology.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Best and Worst Sex Scenes of All Time

From the Daily Bedpost:

Last year, IFC.com and Nerve.com teamed up to compile “The 50 Greatest Sex Scenes in Cinema” history. Great fun (despite the horrible navigation that makes you almost just want to rent each video and fast-forward to the sex scenes yourself). But you know what’s even better than the best scenes? “The 50 Worst Sex Scenes in Cinema,” of course.

Well, they’ve done the dirty work again and come up with a doozy of a list. We’d say they’re almost all spot on, from Showgirls to Eyes Wide Shut to Wild Things, and they especially nailed it with their choice for #1 worst sex scene of all time. (Can you guess? Here’s a hint: it ain’t vegan.)

The only one we really take exception with is the Model T sex scene from Titanic (rated #48). Okay, it’s not great (that hand slap against the glass is way too staged), but one of the worst? Come on, have they no sense of romance? Plus, it was one of the last times Leonardo diCaprio was pretty-boy hot. That’s gotta count for something.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home