Spreading the Love

Each of us has an emotional bank account that keeps us happy and directly relates to a healthy self-esteem. You can think of it like a gas tank too. You can’t run on empty and having over a half tank gets you where you need to go efficiently and without worry. Being able to fill our children and partner’s emotional accounts is the key to a happy family. Being able to ask for what we need to fill ours makes our day-to-day life more enjoyable.

Love Bags

Your kids will enjoy this activity and everyone will feel more connected, knowing what it is that makes each family member feel complete and how to help us keep our own accounts full by asking for what we need.

You can use whatever type of bag you want. Some people choose paper bags that you can decorate with crayons, markers, or stickers. Others prefer cloth bags that are soft and made of material that reflects each family member’s personality. Gift bags and plastic bags with a Valentine’s theme can also be purchased for this activity.

Once each family member has a bag to work with, they will write down on small pieces of paper things to do or say that makes them feel loved. For example, “rub my back,” or “tell me something you love about me,” or “play a board game with me.”

Parents and/or older siblings can help create love bags for children that might not be able to write or verbally communicate what it is that they want included inside. For most young children, it’ll be hugs, reading aloud to them or anything else that requires one-on-one time, down on the floor together.

When someone in the family feels discouraged or just needs some extra loving, they can bring their love bag to another family member. That person selects one item from the bag and gives them what they need in that moment. This also works great for “make-ups” between family members instead of simply saying, “I’m sorry.”

Couples can make separate “adult” love bags as well that they can use to help keep them feel more connected on a romantic level. Be as playful or as naughty as you want – just don’t be afraid to ask your partner to pick something from your love bag when you desire some passion in your day. You’ll also get bonus points with your significant other if you select something from their love bag when they least expect it.

Love Feast

Incorporating this activity into your regular routine makes everyone smile. In our family, we hold a Love Feast for individuals on their birthday. We also do a family Love Feast on Thanksgiving and special occasions. Of course, Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to start and implement this new tradition in your home.

At the dinner table or whenever you choose to start the Love Feast, each person will be asked to share something they love with the person across from them, or next to them. It’s simple, fun and something your children will ask to do on a regular basis.

“What I love about you is…” makes a great start to any day. It is also a great thing to say to someone after you’ve done something to put a kink in the relationship. If your child or partner has a bad day at school or work, having a Love Feast will help boost them up – and you as well when you see how their spirits are lifted.

How will you celebrate Valentine’s Day with your little ones? Share some of your ideas in the comments section so we can help spread the love on February 14th and every day of the year.

The idea for the Love Bags and Love Feast are from the 5-week parenting course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior created by Kathryn Kvols.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

I’m not a perfect parent

Just because I’m a Certified Parent Educator does not mean that I consider myself to be a perfect parent. I’m a work in progress.

When my oldest son was 3 years old, I took the 5-week course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) for the first time. My ex-husband took it as well – in fact, it was his idea. Our goal was to parent consistently even though we were parenting separately.

My son is now seven years old and with a stepdad and a new baby brother, we’re all having to adjust to our new situation and we’re constantly learning from one another in the process.

Recently, I convinced my husband (a first time parent) to take the 5-week course with me. He was able to attend the first two sessions before returning to work and I am currently over half way through the course. I’ll take it again when our boys get older, just to keep everything fresh and to take it all in from a new perspective since they’ll be at different developmental stages before I realize it.

I may not have all of the answers when it comes to my own children, but I also know that it’s much more difficult to come up with parenting solutions when it’s your own kids we’re talking about. We all have parenting challenges that keep us up at night or that our conversations naturally gravitate to. Our children are not perfect and neither are we.

Parenting is a job that never ends. Each day brings new challenges and every child is different. What works for one might not work for another and what worked today may not work tomorrow. Our kids keep us on our toes and I couldn’t imagine doing this job without the tools that I now have access to because of this RCB course.

I teach the 5-week course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior as well as one-hour parenting workshops that are more specific in nature. I work one-on-one with parents since the hardest part about taking this course is finding the time to do it. I’m flexible so we’ll set up a schedule that suits their needs. Sometimes I meet with them at night, others can work with me only every other weekend or during the day, while their kids are napping.

Since I was a single mom for most of my parenting career, my main focus is in working with other single parents to help them through the transition of separation or divorce and to help guide their child or children through the process as well.

Teaching and coaching parents reminds me what it is that I need to work on to be a better parent.

If you have a parenting challenge that you need help with, reach out and ask for support. Seek out someone who’s been there, send me an email or pick up the phone. That’s what I’m here for.

Lesson learned: I’m never done learning.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Growing Happy Kids

Maureen Healy, founder of Growing Happy Kids will be appearing in Los Angeles in early February, promoting her new book, 365 Perfect Things to Say to Your Kids.

Focusing on empowering, educating and inspiring young people, Healy’s book takes a fresh look at how parents and educators can encourage children by the simple, yet powerful use of language, every day of the year.

Healy combines the wisdom of Eastern and Western religions, calling on parents to not only nurture the emotional development of their children, but their spiritual development as well.

Many of the ideas presented by Healy are directly in line with the methods behind Redirecting Children’s Behavior. The powerful reminders, quotes and suggestions found throughout the book will not only build confidence in your child, but might also work to remind us adults to step back and begin to see  and appreciate the world through youthful eyes.

Hug someone every day!

Create a calm space.

There is no better. Each one of us is unique and special.

Find what makes your heart sing!

Happiness grows when you help others!

Being silly is serious business!

Maureen Healy has worked with refugee children in Tibet and India, and has built child-centered programs around the United States. She also blogs at Creative Development for Psychology Today. Visit the Growing Happy Kids website for details on her upcoming appearances and how you can help to grow happy kids.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Progressive Parenting

Parenting styles vary from house to house and from generation to generation. Our children learn about new things and ideas every day, teaching us about concepts that never even existed when we were their age. So much information is out there to process and download, that it’s amazing we have time for much else.

I am constantly learning, from my son and from simply observing, listening, and engaging in conversations that help me evolve. I have had the pleasure of being able to learn about myself, and see life – and people -  through the eyes of a child since becoming a mother.

My son and I have an amazing relationship, and now, as I prepare (mentally) to celebrate his 6th birthday (Where has the time gone?), I am ever so grateful for the tools I’ve been able to implement from the Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) course I took over three years ago. I am able to see too, how the methods I’ve learned have also had to evolve as my son has gotten older.

Since becoming a Certified Parent Educator, I’ve been able to help dozens of families (I’m not exaggerating) with temper tantrums, potty-training, sibling rivalry, dealing with divorce and all sorts of other issues that the average family goes through.

It all comes down to communication.

If I hadn’t been such a passionate parent from the beginning, I don’t think I would feel as successful right now, but in witnessing my son and having him now be old enough to understand, and express how he feels, I know we have been blessed with the greatest gift, having been and having the opportunity to share it with others.

Growing up, I had a rocky relationship with my dad. We still don’t talk that often, and when we do, it’s very much like a boss talking to his employee since we never really were all that close (yes, he was the authoritarian parent). My mom and I, on the other hand, shared everything – and still do (she would be the permissive one). She’s probably the only person who’s read each and every blog post here over the last two years (except for my ex-husband’s lawyer, but that’s a whole other blog post, entirely) and oftentimes I wonder if I share too much information with her (she’s on Facebook too).

The parenting styles of my mom and dad were the exact opposite of one another and I had a hard time figuring the two of them out – as I was trying to figure myself out.

At one point in my late teens, I announced to my mom that I was never going to have kids. I wanted to break it to her early, so she could be prepared and made sure to point out that she’d still have grandchildren, since my sister was there to make up for my lack of babies.

She just looked at me and simply said, “You’ll change your mind.” I was annoyed with her response and wanted so badly to prove her wrong, to be able to say, “I told you so,” because that’s what I did back then, rebelled against both of my parents.

They’re still married (nearly 38 years now). Somehow, having opposite parenting styles didn’t tear them apart, but I know that was a major reason behind why my ex-husband and I couldn’t make our marriage work. We parented from the opposite ends of the spectrum as well, and it wasn’t until after we  separated (and both took the RCB course), that our parenting styles became more in alignment with what we both wanted to expose our son to.

I’m reading a few books right now that are helping me understand parenting styles (and myself) more in-depth. One is called Partnership Parenting: How Men and Women Parent Differently – Why It Helps Your Kids and Can Strengthen Your Marriage. I’m also reading The Co-Parenting Survival Guide, and after reading them both, I plan on sharing the information, along with my personal experience, with future clients and work to improve my relationship with my son (all fine things in life improve with age).

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

An Educated Choice

If you’re visiting this site because you recently read about Happy Healthy Hip Parenting at An Educated Choice, welcome! It may or may not be everything you expected, but a sense of humor is certainly required! This blog is where I de-stress, where I come to share, complain, entertain and inspire. There is an amazing group of educated, delightful, generous and funny individuals in the on-line community and I’m glad you’re here to be a part of it.

While I focus on my clients when I’m sitting down with them, everything they share with me is confidential. Many parents, single parents in particular, are going through an extraordinarily hard time right now. I should know. I’ve been juggling many things and wearing many hats since becoming a single mom over three years ago.

Our son is now in Kindergarten. He goes to a premiere independent school in La Jolla and both his dad and I are devoted to giving him the best education there is, both inside and outside of the classroom.

Redirecting Children’s Behavior is a program that I recommend to any and all families looking for ways to reduce the stress in their lives and in their relationships. Trust me, it works.

Thank you for stopping by, continuing to read, and supporting me through the journey. I hope I can do the same for you.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

11 Step Program for Parents-to-Be

I have been discovering many great Moms who Twitter since joining this amazing group of women a few weeks back. Just yesterday, I found this hilarious post from Real Tech Mom and just had to share. Check out her blog and the 11 Step Program for to Complete Before Having Kids.

For many of us, we’ve found out – through hands on learning – what it truly is like to be a parent. As funny – and true – as this list is, I don’t think anyone is ever really prepared for the changes and challenges that becoming a parent brings.

I teach one hour parenting workshops and a 15-hour course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior and am amazed at all of the new and expecting parents who are eager to gain some tools and techniques to use with their children when the time comes.

Classes are scheduled in La Mesa at Java Mama and I’m pleased to announce that there will be additional workshops held in North County as well, at the Babies in Bloom boutique on the border of Oceanside and Vista.

Check out the class schedule or calendar of events for more information. I am also able to cater courses and workshops for your mom’s group, PTA or at your place of employment. Contact me to set up a customized program that fits your needs and schedule.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

How to Talk to Your Children about Sex

Yesterday, I taught my first parenting workshop on Talking about Sex with Children and Teens. I think, for the most part, the audience was pleased since they had many questions and I was able to answer them all. Actually, I take that back. Several of those who attended the workshop ended up answering a few questions so I feel as though I should’ve taken a bit more control as far as keeping to the course outline.

Unfortunately, I did run out of time and wasn’t able to cover everything I had hoped to. I do have copies of the course outline, the stats on STDs and teen pregnancy and of course, the questionnaire that many of those who attended were interested in receiving. 

The conference itself was amazing. Keynote speaker Max Simon reminded me a bit of my son and I could actually see glimpses of my four-year-old years into the future, having the same sense of himself and the world. It was great to see this successful and responsible young man sharing his childhood memories with us and what he learned growing up with parents who used the Redirecting Children’s Behavior model of parenting in their homes.

Susie Walton, founder of Indigo Village and the person behind this first of its kind conference brought me to tears when she spoke about her vision for this event and of course, the Village itself which she opened a few years ago.

The rooms were filled with parents of all ages, with children and grandchildren of varying backgrounds. What was so inspiring, was that each and every one of us – whether presenting or attending – were there for the same reason: to bring peace into our homes, our hearts, our relationships, and our lives.

If you are looking to reduce the stress in your home or are anxious to create a more loving and balanced relationship with your children, spouse or parents, please seek out a Certified Parent Educator in your area. There’s hundreds of us waiting to meet you.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Invest in Your Community!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting offers unique parenting workshops based on the Redirecting Children’s Behavior program.

Your support makes it possible for us to work with families of all income levels.

Invest in your community today! Begin by checking out this logo gear that comes in variety of styles and sizes.

My personal favorites are the Messenger/Diaper Bag, the License Plate Frame, Bumper Sticker, and of course, the Ceramic Travel Mug.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

ADHD

I know little about ADHD other than what media reports about the increase of young people diagnosed with this “disorder.” Growing up, I don’t think this term was in existence, at least not that I was aware of.

My son is only 4 1/2 and not at risk, I don’t think, for ADHD, but it doesn’t hurt to be aware of the symptoms and learn a little more about it since, chances are, either he or someone he knows will be diagnosed with ADHD over the coming years.

I discovered a great article this morning, courtesy of Your Total Health, which included some facts that might help parents and teachers that work with young children.

• 19 Facts About ADHD
• Managing ADHD: A Parent’s Guide to Success
• A Guide to ADHD Medications

I’d love to hear from readers who have children that have been diagnosed with ADHD or if you are an adult living with ADHD yourself. We all learn from each other so I’d like to know what your biggest challenges have been and what we can learn from your experience.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Parenting Mistakes

I don’t know who Craig Playstead is, but I agree with his every insight in regards to the 10 Big Mistakes Parents Make:

1. Spoiling Kids
2. Inadequate Discipline
3. Failing to Get Involved at School
4. Praising Mediocrity
5. Not Giving Children Enough Responsibility
6. Not Being a Good Spouse
7. Setting Unrealistic Expectations
8. Not Teaching Children to Fend for Themselves
9. Pushing Trends on Kids
10. Not Following Through

As always, with reference to the mention of spouses, I’ve replaced this word with the word partner since we do need to be positive role models when it comes to our adult, romantic relationships (whether we’re married or not).

What mistakes have you made? I’m guilty of many of these but since learning from our mistakes can help us in the future, as well as others, I am not afraid to be the first to confess.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home