Backpacking Dad and Reality TV

I’ve always considered myself a feminist, which, as I define it, means that men and women should be treated as equals in every arena. So, when Project Mom Casting announced its call for Mommy Bloggers, I thought, why not Daddy Bloggers? Wouldn’t they make for great reality TV as well?

The first person I thought of was fellow blogger, Backpacking Dad, who some of you know as Shawn Burns. He’s attractive and hilarious. Isn’t that all that’s required for a reality series?

Shawn took the time to submit his entry for the new reality series that is being put together by non other than Ms. Momfluential herself, Ciarian Blumenfeld and Leane Vandeman. Eat your heart out ladies:

Hello, my name is Backpacking Dad. Don’t let the “dad” part fool you; I clearly have a vagina. I mean, it would be ridiculous of me to try to become the star of a reality show about moms if I didn’t have one of those, right? Ergo, what we have here is a reductio ad absurdum against any claim that I don’t have a vagina.

Wow. I think I just defined my bait and tackle right out of existence.

Anyway….what makes me a good fit for a reality television show about moms? Well, I have a good imagination. So, even though I don’t actually have a vagina (previous logical proof notwithstanding, which just goes to show you how well logic serves you), I can imagine what the life of a modern mom must be like. Given the existence of the vacuum, the dishwasher, the microwave, and the washer and dryer it probably only takes about 3 minutes per week to accomplish every household task the modern mom (still obviously at home, probably barefoot and pregnant) is assigned. That leaves her oodles of time for child-rearing responsibilities. But she’s also married to a rich, handsome white guy so she can definitely afford a nanny to take care of the kids (and for her husband to have an affair with), so in the end, apart from the 3 minutes per week of housework she has to do, the modern mom has no responsibilities. She doesn’t even have to sleep with her husband, because that’s what the nanny is for. She has almost nothing but free time, and she fills that time, I believe, with pillow fights, video games, and fancy dinners out.

Well, let me tell you, you could hardly find a better person to engage in pillow fights, play video games, eat out, and definitely not sleep with even the richest white guy than yours truly right here. I believe I can really get inside the head of the modern mom. I’m just the mom you’re looking for. So please consider me for Project Mom Casting, and watch your ratings go through the roof. Especially for the first pillow fight of the season when I announce that this time it’s shirts versus skins.

You’re welcome, Project Mom Casting.

Backpacking Dad
http://backpackingdad.com

Project Mom Casting

Everyone has a story to tell. Here’s mine.

I started blogging in 2007, around the same time I started my company. I am a Certified Parent Educator & Life Coach with a focus on co-parenting relationships and helping single moms and dads deal with the transition following a divorce or break-up. My own high-conflict divorce lasted nearly 18 months and I wanted to help others who were going through similar experiences.

Through the court, I requested to move with my son to Minnesota, where our family is, and where I would have the support I would need to raise a child on my own.

His dad fought the move and ultimately, the judge denied my request. I was working full-time and traveled quite a bit for my job. It was stressful, but I had no idea things were going to become even more challenging.

I was laid off at the end of 2008 after working 7 1/2 years for the same company. I have been unemployed ever since, focusing on this blog and struggling to build a career or find a job that could support me and my son. The legal bills haunted me and my financial situation got worse each month but the recognition & comments I received through this site and from my new “friends” were priceless.

2010: I recently married my long-distance boyfriend who is now my long-distance husband. We found out we were pregnant in May (I’m due January 2, 2011). I had no medical insurance at the time so getting married right away was a practical choice. We had talked about marriage prior to this, and it felt right to both of us.

My son started calling him “Dad” right away and is thrilled about his new baby brother.

As of today, we don’t know when my husband will be able to join us out here. Our goal is to have him transfer before the baby comes but even then, he’ll be commuting to OC which means he’ll be gone nearly 14 hours a day.

I think often about moving to Minnesota (where my husband and our families are) and if it would be possible to bring my son. I don’t have the resources to even begin that legal battle. Both scenarios feel selfish to me which is why I was relieved that my husband made the decision to move out here with us, well before we found out I was pregnant.

Blogging and interacting with others online helps me stay sane. I get online to escape. I don’t reveal too many details on this blog, but instead I try to focus on the positive things and memories that I will be happy to look back on in years to come. There are more and more of them every day.

My husband, son, family and friends surround me with so much inspiration that I can’t help but be excited about our future.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Dining Details Challenges You to Start a Food Revolution in your Kitchen

Change is good. Change is necessary. Change is not easy.

Last week, several San Diego bloggers whom I call friends, gathered around Theresa‘s kitchen table and watched as Chef Mom Julie Frans of Dining Details cooked five amazing meals for us and explained how certain ingredients should be cut from our diets in order to improve our overall health. She provided us with a great deal of information that I am still trying to digest.

While I enjoyed everything she created in the kitchen and loved the tastes and smells of the foods on my plate, I still left that night feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I don’t call myself a cook and since my ‘healthy meals’ usually take place at restaurants or consist of prepared foods from Trader Joe’s that I can heat up and enjoy, there is definitely a lot more for me to learn.

From Julie’s suggestions, I added Almond Milk, lentils and Sea Salt to my shopping cart this week, along with the organic chicken and fruits & veggies that I normally pick up.

I definitely want to learn more about what Julie mentioned about creating a diet that is the perfect pH balance. Switching from table salt (that contains bleach and other chemicals) to sea salt was an easy step to make and knowing which foods to avoid is always a great reminder (corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, processed foods, MSG, artificial sweeteners, colors & flavors, margarine/butter substitutes).

Baby steps. I’ve made some small changes this week and I’m studying the recipes found on the Dining Details website to determine which menu I’ll prepare for Mr. Right next time he’s here. He’s a foodie and a great cook so perhaps I’ll have him select a recipe to cook for with me. These recipes are sounding pretty amazing right about now (and I’m not even hungry):

• Eggplant and Kalamata Risotto
• Stuffed Poblano Peppers
• Lemon Asparagus Risotto with Truffle Oil
• Fig and Goat Cheese Crostini
• Butternut Squash Leek Soup

I could always use Dining Details to prepare a Romantic Dinner for Two if I end up being too intimidated by the idea of cooking a gourmet meal on my own.

For those of you who are not in San Diego and still want to enjoy the amazing foods Julie and her staff create, I highly recommend the recipe section of the Dining Details website. The categories in the recipe section include Kid-Friendly Cooking, Something Sweet, Sauces/Dressings/Salsas, Soups/Salads, Hors D Hoerves, and Gluten Free recipes.

In addition to the wonderful resources they provide, Dining Details also provides personal chef services and caters small, intimate dinners for couples or for weddings and corporate events. They also host cooking demonstrations, in their kitchen or your own.

Chickpeas, their school lunch program, provides family dinners, baby food and educates parents and caregivers on healthy cooking.

If you have seen commercials for Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution (premiering this Friday on ABC), you’ll understand the need to start teaching your children, from a young age, the importance of healthy eating, nutritional choices that will help extend their life and why these subtle changes need to take place. Now.

Dining Details is owned by a local couple here in San Diego. They will be welcoming their second child later this year. Become a Fan of Dining Details Facebook, or follow Julie or Robbie on Twitter.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Single Dads wanted

Now is the time to get a little excited….SingleDad.com is past the stages of development and is now looking to cast 3 to 4 additional fathers for their TV Reality show by December 4, 2009! We need your help finding the “perfect fit”.

Here is what we are looking for:

• Dads residing anywhere in the Greater Los Angeles, Riverside, Orange and San Diego Counties.
• Any type of fatherhood situation that is in the early stages of transitioning to being a single parent.
• Fathers never married with children, newly divorced with children or widowed fathers raising their children.
• To qualify, single dads must have at least 50% custody of their children.
• Any lifestyle, color or ethnicity.
• Men ages 45 or less are preferred.

We will cast 3 to 4 “transitioning” fathers and their children to join an existing group of 2 fathers who have already transitioned into single parenting. This “Dads Club” will require a person with a dynamic personality and openness to sharing the challenges of life as a single parent within the Dads Club and on camera.

To be considered, please send the following to rj@singledad.com. We must cast by December 4th , so don’t delay!

1. Picture of dad and kids (please include names and ages)
2. Brief summary of current custody status
3. Contact info (city of residence, email and phone number)
4. All correspondence sent by e-mail only to: rj@singledad.com

Please pass this along to anyone who you think might be interested.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Must Love Kids on TLC

I’ve been wondering when this reality show would appear. Must Love Kids is a dating show for single moms. Three thirtysomething moms look for Mr. Right but he must be ready to jump into family life.

I haven’t seen the show yet, but I’ll be watching to see how things go. You can watch Episode One now!

If the show doesn’t exploit the children, I might look into nominating myself for a future season. Unless there are any matchmakers out there…(hint, hint).

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

NBC’s Baby Borrowers: Harmful to Children

I’ve recently read on line discussions about the new reality show from NBC called Baby Borrowers. When I first heard about it, my first thought was as to where these “babies” come from. I decided I’d rather not know and tried to forget these type of reality shows are still in existence.

Then, just yesterday, I received a statement from the Zero to Three organization which explained the great risk the parents are putting their child under for the sake of entertainment, and I’m assuming, money. From the NBC official Baby Borrowers’ website:

NBC’s upcoming reality series “The Baby Borrowers” is an intriguing new social experiment based on the hit British program that asks five diverse teenage couples — ages 18-20 — to fast-track to adulthood by setting up a home, getting a job and becoming caring parents first to babies, toddlers, pre-teens and their pets, teenagers and senior citizens — all over the course of three weeks.

As the social experiment begins, the five young volunteer couples are asked to literally grow up overnight when they are each given a home in a quiet cul-de-sac outside Boise, Idaho and attend pre-natal classes as each “mother” wears a simulated “empathy” belly to prepare them for the arrival of their “baby.”

When a real baby (all aged six-11 months old) appears at their door — courtesy of five pairs of real volunteer parents (some of whom were teen parents themselves) who entrust their infants to one of the couples — the nervous, fumbling teens are in for three long, arduous days that make chilling out a distant memory. They must stick to rigid routines, handle the feeding chores, diaper duty and crying jags that might be shared by baby and teens — all the while under 24-hour supervision by nannies and the real parents who are stationed next door, watching via monitor, and able to step in at any time. Plus, one teen from each of the couples must start a job, ranging from working in a local vet’s office to a lumberyard, leaving the other alone as caregiver for the day.

After three surprising, intense days, each teen couple will bid bye-bye to the baby and receive a toddler as their fast-forward adult life progresses. They will have to cope with typical “terrible twos” behavior, including pouty tantrums, potty training and other messes. Three days later, the weary couples must face the reality of parenting several sassy pre-teens/”tweeners” at once — each with a family pet in tow, adding to their responsibilities.

While the idea behind this show is one that I agree with – Yay for trying to prepare young people for the “reality” of parenthood and even a committed, adult relationship – surely there must be other ways to go about this that don’t involve removing a baby (between 6 – 11 months old) from their parents for 72 hours. Here’s the official statement from Zero to Three:

“It’s not TV, it’s birth control” is how NBC promotes its new reality series “Baby Borrowers.” On June 25th, the show will be launched on national television as an “intriguing new social experiment that asks five diverse teenage couples to fast-track to adulthood by setting up a home, getting a job and becoming caring parents.” Unfortunately, the NBC series exploits very young children in the pursuit of entertainment.

The babies and toddlers participating in this series will be separated from their parents and caregivers for three days. Unfamiliar teenagers will take care of them during this time. This setup can be very harmful for the babies and toddlers involved. For the past 80 years, many studies have shown unequivocally that babies and toddlers suffer when they are exposed to this kind of prolonged separation from family and left with people that they do not know or love. As all parents know, babies and toddlers are very distressed by separation. They cry, cling, and search for their parents. The longer the separation, the more upset they become. Some children are unable to sleep and refuse to eat. The responses routinely last long past the child’s reunion with the parent. Prolonged separations heighten young children’s separation anxiety and damage their trust that their parents will be available to protect and care for them. Children can become angry and rejecting of their parents after being reunited with them, damaging the fabric of the child-parent relationship.

These findings have become the basis for a new science of early childhood. A robust body of early childhood development and brain research clearly confirms the critical nature of early development. It is a time when young children form attachments with parents and caregivers, develop security and a sense of self, and learn what to expect from the world around them. Studies show that babies and toddlers need to feel safe and secure in order to form a positive sense of self, to form healthy relationships, and to feel confident to explore their world. This sense of security is dependent on the availability and stability of their trusted primary caregivers. Being separated for a three-day period from a parent or trusted, familiar adult, and being thrust into the care of a total stranger who has no experience with the child—how he or she is comforted, likes to be fed, held, etc.—and who has no experience caring for young children at all, can be very stressful for the child.

As a “safeguard,” NBC has hired a nanny to be nearby in case there are concerns. However the nanny is no more familiar to that child than the two strangers who will be caring for him for three days. The nanny does not know him or what his signals mean — such as what he needs when he cries out in the middle of the night, or how he shows he is hungry, tired, or is overwhelmed and needs a break from play. Moreover, even though the parents of these young children are watching via closed-circuit television, the babies are not aware of that and have no way of knowing how long the parents will be gone.

Legitimate social experiments are not conducted on national television or on reality shows. “Baby Borrowers” may have a catchy theme, but it exploits young children with potential harmful consequences. This is no social experiment. It is an extremely misguided endeavor that puts at risk our most vulnerable citizens, young children who need our love and protection.

As a parent, I cannot imagine leaving my baby with someone else for longer than an hour with someone who wasn’t family or familiar with childrearing. The whole concept of this show is completely disturbing to me and is is a “trend” in reality television that I hope ceases to continue.

Here’s a reality show for you [insert sarcasm]: Let’s follow up with these borrowed babies in fifteen years and see “how they’re doing.” Better yet, let’s follow these young “couples” and see where they end up – together or otherwise.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home