Rebel with good cause

At anytime in my life, if someone told me I couldn’t do something, I wanted to do it even more. When my doctor told me I couldn’t have a VBAC (with baby #2), I wanted to prove him wrong as well. I wanted to prove that getting a second opinion was the best thing that I could do for myself and for my child.

I did end up having a successful VBAC, once I switched doctors and chose San Diego County’s first World Health Organization-designated Baby-Friendly birth pavilion to deliver at.

One of the first things they did when I checked-in at the hospital was ask if I had a Birth Plan. They read it over and confirmed everything with me and made sure it was followed precisely as I had outlined. My labor and delivery could not have gone smoother.

Now, I realize that I have a high tolerance for pain but having a drug-free, natural VBAC would still not have happened if it wasn’t for the fact that my husband supported me 100% as well as my doctor, the entire hospital staff and my support system of friends and family. Every time I doubted my ability to birth naturally, my people stepped in and reminded me that I could. I believed them because they believed in me.

My son is almost three months old now and I still can’t believe that my original doctor would have insisted that I have a c-section with him. I’d still be in recovery mode and I’d still be doubting the choice I made regarding his birth. I do believe that it should be our choice to birth the way we want to. After all, it’s our bodies and our babies that we’re  ultimately responsible for.

I understand that having a c-section may be medically necessary for some women. I know that there are times when there is really no other alternative, but when the pregnancy has gone smoothly and there’s been ample time between pregnancies (my first son was just days away from turning 7 when baby #2 was born), I also know that birthing naturally is much safer than many would have us believe.

I did my research. I spent many hours reading reports, stories, medical journals and pages from the CDC regarding both repeat C-sections and VBACs. After drowning in thoughts of the health risks associated with both options, I decided that – for me – having a VBAC would be the best choice. I wish it were easier to come to that decision. I felt so alone in having to search for information and finding a doctor that would support me.

I also felt guilt in either choice since there were many people telling me (society in general) that it was selfish of me to want to birth naturally (against what my doctor told me) and that it was selfish of me to have another c-section. I juggled both alternatives up until I finally switched doctors late in my third trimester.

As moms, we’re led to guilty feelings over many of the choices we make in raising our children. I don’t think the guilt needs to begin before our children are even born.

I’m not sure what the point of this post really is, after all, it started out with a discussion about rebellion and how I tend to want things more when they’re forbidden but I don’t believe that anything should be forbidden about the way we bring our children into the world. After all, we are able to choose whether or not we want to become parents in the first place and I believe this pro-choice mentality should carry over into other aspects of our life as well.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you go against your doctor’s orders in any situation, but I do suggest that you do your research and then do what’s best for you. Use the resources that are out there and use your friends to help make the best choice but don’t let others tell you what to do, or what not to do. We’re all different and what works for some, might not work for others. I did what was best for me and what was best for my baby and I have no regrets.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Tattooed Moms

I got my first tattoo when I was in high school. My best friend pulled out some Indian ink and a safety pin to permanently mark me up as I lay on the bathroom floor at her mother’s house. It’s hidden below my bikini line so not many people get a chance to see it.

Years – and several more tattoos – later, she’s still my best friend (she’s getting married in a few weeks) but the tattoo I’m most proud of is the one that lies on my chest. LaSara Firefox has a tattoo on hers as well and when I mentioned this coincidence, she asked about mine.

LaSara’s tattoo

People comment or ask me about this particular tattoo all the time (when it’s not covered up by clothing) and I enjoy sharing the story behind it.

Permanent reminders are often painful and this one is no exception. While the process of getting the tattoo was not painful, it does bring up a past experience that was and has brought me to the place I am today.

I found out that I was pregnant (unexpectedly) during my Senior year of college. I was dating a guy one year younger than me and I was working part-time and attending school full-time to try and finish my college career in exactly four years.

While the news of my pregnancy was not something that I was truly ready to embrace, I decided, after several sleepless nights and many emotionally-charged debates with my then-boyfriend, to keep the baby. As pro-choice as I am and have always been, not having the baby was never the choice for me.

I grew fond of the idea of being a mother very quickly, almost instantly. In a matter of weeks, I was a proud, pregnant woman who was ready to graduate from college and embark on the amazing journey of motherhood. My boyfriend would be joining me on the adventure.

Family, friends, classmates, and professors were made aware of the pregnancy and of my plans to get my degree and raise my child with the father. I was ecstatic and ready and yet so unprepared for what was to come.

I experienced a miscarriage in the third month which is not unusual at all. Everyone knows that the first twelve weeks are the most critical and my announcement very early on in the pregnancy only led to greater heartache when it was time to share my loss with everyone who was still getting around to congratulate us.

Without realizing it at the time, that was the beginning of a great state of depression for me. I ended up running away – or at least trying to – by moving across the country to San Diego (after dropping out of school).

I started my life over in a new place where no one knew me or my story but I still longed for a way to keep the memory of this experience with me as a reminder of the change and evolution that pregnancy brought about within me.

My then-boyfriend and I had been creating a tattoo together in honor of our unborn child. With the design in hand, I marched into a tattoo parlor on the date she would’ve been due (October 18, 1999) and sat down to have the symbol permanently placed on my chest, the place where my hand always went whenever I talked about the pregnancy and miscarriage, or thought about my unborn child.

I think about how old she would be now. I think about what type of relationship I would have with her. I wonder if she knows how much she means to me.

She is very real to me and when I see other nine-year-old girls, I struggle to picture a face that I will never be able to see.

My life started over that day, the day I had the symbolic tattoo placed next to my heart. I began a new life then, a fresh start on the adventure that has led me here: I’m Mom to a nearly five-year-old boy. I have a wonderful career, great friends and enjoy single life in San Diego and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

I’ve always loved the quote that states, “That which does not kill us only makes us stronger,” and I know that I am a much better parent for having grown and evolved from the person I was before that first pregnancy.

Living without regrets is my ultimate goal in this life. Every moment moves us forward on this great journey that has been mapped out for us.

My son and I, 2004

I am still friends with the father of my unborn child. We share pictures of our children and exchange stories and I know from the sparkle in his eye when he talks about his role as a father and husband, that our daughter was put in our life for a reason. She has taught us to let go, enabled us to evolve and inspire us to love without expecting anything in return.

And yes, when you see me talk about my tattoo, you will see that same sparkle in my eye and perhaps a tear or two that fall, not in mourning for a child who will never age, but for the hope that she will never be forgotten.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Pro-Obama

Dear Word Warrior,

I’m a bit concerned about your concern for this plan. The last sentence of this plan, which you included in your post, clearly states that this would be a “voluntary universal pre-school,” so, since you are not in agreement with having your child placed in this type of program, you would not be obligated to do so.

My son has been in full-time educational programs since he was 18 months old. He’s now 4 1/2 and is a smart, polite and thoughtful little boy. He spent the first year and a half of his life with either his father or I, and I was lucky enough to be able to bring him with me to work every day (since I was breastfeeding) until he was 7 months old.

For many parents who don’t have the option to stay home with their children, this “voluntary universal pre-school” is a great program and I fully stand behind Obama (for this and many other reasons).

I am also Pro-Choice and donate money on a regular basis to both NARAL and Planned Parenthood. I believe these organizations are doing many great thing for men and women of all ages. And, just to be clear, I am a Mom. I have never had an abortion nor would I ever have one. I do believe, however, that each one of us should have the power to make that decision for ourselves. Who am I (or anyone else) to judge another’s actions?

I appreciate the fact that there are programs in place that Obama has outlined that are meant to help prevent unplanned pregnancies from occurring in the first place:

Barack Obama is an original co-sponsor of legislation to expand access to contraception, health information and preventive services to help reduce unintended pregnancies. The Prevention First Act will increase funding for family planning and comprehensive sex education that teaches both abstinence and safe sex methods. The Act will also end insurance discrimination against contraception, improve awareness about emergency contraception, and provide compassionate assistance to rape victims.

I hadn’t planned on using my blog to discuss politics or share my personal views on the upcoming elections, but I feel quite compelled to speak up against those who, instead of defending their beliefs and justifying the reasons for voting for whoever it is they plan on voting for, they are instead, spending their time badmouthing those who they don’t agree with.

We have the power, in this country, to vote for who we believe would make the best President. Of course, no one’s perfect and it’s rather unlikely that we will agree 100% with each and every opinion, thought, action or philosophy of those who are on the ballot.

What really gets under my skin is that you would use manipulation and try to get to people, emotionally, with the graphic nature of the video posted on your blog. I wouldn’t dare link to it, or suggest that anyone view it, no matter what side they take on abortion and the types of abortion procedures that take place in our world.

I would be very interested to know what you suggest or what your *ideal* President believes about babies born to parents who didn’t intentionally conceive them. We all make mistakes and bad decisions. Many of us have experienced the consequences of the choices that we make and learn from these mistakes, or from others’.

What do you think would be the best option for these unwanted babies (approximately 1.3 million abortions are performed each year in the U.S.)?

Obama may not have all of the answers, but I truly believe that his dedication to the people and our rights is of great value to our country.

I’ll see you at the polls.

Sincerely,

Hip_M0M

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home