My Birth Plan

It’s all coming together. At 37 weeks pregnant, I am less stressed and more at ease about my upcoming VBAC since I have so many people supporting me and encouraging me to follow this path.

At the beginning of this pregnancy, I was not relaxed. My husband was living two thousand miles away and although the doctor I originally found came highly recommended, he specializes in high-risk pregnancy and treated me like a high-risk patient from day one. Even though there is nothing high risk about this pregnancy, I convinced myself that he’d be the best doctor to have by my side in case something should go wrong.

The doctor has his standard routine for the moms he works with and I followed along willingly, at first, until I got past the first trimester and my emotional imbalance was no longer a concern. After that, I started feeling better, more confident and sure of the fact that I wanted to have a VBAC. This was not something this doctor could provide so, somewhere early in my second trimester, I started to panic.

Having a C-section with my son 7 years ago was not something I look back on fondly. Just thinking about it brings back some PTSD-type symptoms with my thoughts leading me back to that feeling of having no control over what was happening to my body and not being able to hold my son after he was born.

I cried like a baby when I first found out I would “have to” have a C-section, but as my doctor explained, my son was in breech position AND the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Still, I mourned the loss of the natural birth I had always pictured myself having and longed for the experience of pushing him out into the world, welcoming him into my arms and having him with me the entire time following his arrival.

It was my first child, I had no idea what I was doing or what other options there were, but the doctor I was working with then also specialized in high-risk pregnancies. Since my miscarriage still haunted me, I felt safe with her. I resigned myself to think believe this was the only option and went along with it, ignoring the gut instinct that tried to convince me otherwise.

The C-section wasn’t horrific, but the entire experience was less than ideal. After my son was pulled from me, he was taken away for over an hour; the longest hour of my entire life. His dad went with him, which meant I had to lay there, alone, the entire time, wondering what was going on, already missing the child I had barely met.

This baby will be my husband’s first child. No doubt he’s nervous and anxious about how the labor and delivery will go, but he knows how important it is for me to have the birth that I want and has been 100% supportive of whatever decision I make in regards to this pregnancy.

Finding a doctor who will perform a VBAC was the major challenge in all of this. After sending a panicked email to The Feminist Breeder, reaching out to my local Mommy Blogger friends and even sharing my anxiety and asking questions to those on Facebook and Twitter who had been through this decision-making process before, my plan to go this route has been confirmed. I’m grateful for the many moms who have encouraged me to do whatever it takes to have this baby the way I want to!

I realize there are no guarantees, but with a smooth pregnancy, a supportive doctor, a hypnobirth specialist and my amazing husband behind me, I’m pretty sure this labor & delivery will be closer to the experience that I have always pictured when thinking about bringing a child into the world.

No one knows when the baby will actually make his appearance, but I do know that he will not be taken away from me after he’s born, my husband will be at my side, and I will be able to hold the baby in my arms as we welcome him into this crazy family world.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Threesome

Who was it that said things happen in threes? Tuesday, I was pulled over and got a ticket for speeding, yesterday someone hit my car in a parking lot and today – you’ll never believe this – I got a flat tire and spent the majority of my afternoon dealing with waiting for the replacement and being stuck in traffic afterwards.

Needless to say, after the week I’ve had so far, I couldn’t help but laugh when I discovered the flat tire (after a few minutes of pure panic). Luckily, reading kept me busy during that waiting period and I suddenly found myself enjoying the fact that I wasn’t at work. After all, I was spending the day outside, enjoying the beautiful San Diego weather, reading.

I find it’s typically our response to disruptions like this that tend to give others a perspective on what we’re like under serious stress. There are several characters from our books that I have learned from and consider role models as far as trying to maintain a positive attitude.

Dougal the Garbage Dump Bear is one such character. One of my favorite quotes from any children’s book is found on the last page of this one:

“…while he sat there on his own, Dougal would think how lucky he was…he realized that sometimes bad things happen so that good things can happen. You just had to make the best of it.”

From Australia
Dougal the Garbage Dump Bear
by Matt Dray

There are certainly other characters that I could reference, but it’s been a long day, a long night, actually. I’m heading home – finally. I’m going to have much better luck tomorrow. I just have to.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Made In China

It’s hard to explain to people – who have never heard of Kane/Miller – why we don’t publish any books about Thanksgiving.

Take a look around our website and you’ll quickly discover the fact that our books are a little different. There’s a flag on each individual book page to represent which country the book originates from.

Our tagline – Award-winning children’s books from around the world – should alert people to the fact that our books are not about U.S. history, U.S. holidays, or U.S. artists, but I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve been asked at a trade show if we have books about Native Americans or on President’s Day.

And I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve had to tell people that our submission policy is unlike any other publisher’s guidelines since we work with authors and illustrators that reside outside of the United States.

In a world that is slowly becoming smaller and considering how quickly our children are realizing how accessible it is to reach others in countries on the opposite side of the globe, I’m still somewhat surprised that there are people out there who have not heard of Kane/Miller, or are unsure of what to think about our vision and our goal of opening young minds to the world through literature.

Just recently, there has been a discussion about banning books (perhaps that’s the wrong term) that were printed in China. Until this became an issue, Kane/Miller was known for the high quality books that we print, with regard to the paper quality and durability of the books that we publish, along with the book’s content.

Parents and educators are in the middle of a frustrating time as toys are being pulled off the shelf and health scares related to these particular toys are presented to us in the media. I feel for the parents of those children who have been effected by the chemicals found in these toys.

What I don’t understand is the idea that removing books printed in China from library shelves would help to keep our children safe (or healthy). What our public and our communities are in need of is education regarding safety issues and learning how to reach those inside the corporations which have allowed such items to be sold in the first place.

As a parent, I realize that my argument is emotionally based, but who wouldn’t want to protect their child? We wouldn’t allow for lead paint to be in our homes or in any products that we bring home for our children and yet, I find it very difficult to believe that books from China could be doing my son any harm.

Kane/Miller is working on providing certifications that show that our books are safe and should hopefully encourage those who might have doubts to continue to purchase books based on the quality of the writing and illustrations, rather than where the product was shipped into the United States from.

Our nation has been purchasing toys “Made in China” for so long now that sadly, we’ve forgotten that there are companies here who have been making educational, high-quality products for our children as well.

I highly encourage everyone reading this to think outside the (toy) box and pick out toys – and other items – that you feel comfortable with, no matter what that criteria might be. Please don’t judge a book by its cover, or the country that produced it.

The media has spoken and while I applaud those who have already been purchasing items for their little ones that don’t have batteries or are not made of plastic, I realize that there are those that simply don’t have the resources to discover what else might be out there.

Earlier this year, my post entitled Batteries Not Included contained a list of companies who do offer these types of toys. I urge you to check them out, set aside some money to purchase items from them for the holidays or birthdays and spread the word to others.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

The Wicked Witch of the West

Throughout the Denver Broncos game last night, and during the entire half-time, the TV screen kept flashing with updates about the evacuated areas in Southern California due to the growing winds that kept the nearby fires spreading.

I had a flashback to 4 years ago to the date – just about – when I was six months pregnant with my son, and my ex-husband and I were just moving into the place where my son and I still reside. We drove South, past the wildfires that had just jumped across Highway 15 towards the direction of our new home, which we hadn’t even slept in at that point.

Fast forward four years and my son and I are inside, doors and windows shut tight, air conditioner and humidifier running while all I could smell was fire. What used to be a pleasant reminder of bonfires is now a brutal reality that the fires could once again spread quickly and threaten our home and of course, those in our neighboring communities.

We watched the news – and the football game – and after my son fell asleep I made sure I had packed away the belongings and personal items that I would take with us come morning.

I really couldn’t get much sleep. I kept tossing and turning. The smell of smoke grew stronger throughout the night, as did the howling winds and I kept thinking about what we would do, where we would go, what I would take with us.

Just as I assumed, the morning sun did not peek through the smoke. Ash was now falling from the sky. My son and I made two trips to the car before finally feeling ready to leave, not knowing when exactly we’d be back. I ended up taking him into the Kane/Miller office with me while I took care of a few things, but mostly just needed the comfort of being around other people. There was no reason to really be working since a State of Emergency had been declared for all of San Diego County, as well as six other counties in Southern California.

My son is with his dad this evening. I am staying with one of the founders of Kane/Miller, as she has kindly opened up her home to me. This is the first time I have spent the night here but certainly not the first time her spare bedroom has been offered. In fact, I had a key to her house on my key chain for nearly six months after my ex-husband filed for divorce and things started to become unsettled in the home front.

I have become rather close with the Kane family and all of the employees during my nearly seven years with the company. I am grateful for all they have done for me, both personally and professionally. It was Mrs. Kane and her husband who first initiated me on my first business trip back in 2001. It was Mr. Kane who introduced me to anchovies during that same visit to Baltimore. And it is with the Kane family who my son and I will spend Thanksgiving with, as we have done every year (with one exception) since I started working for Kane/Miller.

I can’t imagine working for anyone else after all this time. I have fantastic co-workers who are wonderful individuals and have become family to my son and I.

We are safe this evening and we are grateful for every one’s kind thoughts and prayers and can only hope that all of the good karma that’s due comes our way this evening.

The Santa Ana winds are supposed to get worse over the next few days. Homes just North and East of my neighborhood have been evacuated, including the home of one of our staff members.

After the Cedar Fires of 2003, the county and city of San Diego, the people, and the emergency crews are better prepared. Evacuations have been prompting people out of their homes with time to spare but the fires are unpredictable, the winds are sporadic and the resources are scarce.

The Witch Fires of 2007 have already been determined to be the worst fires that Southern California has ever seen and I hope and pray that all of those that have been evacuated can recover from this devastating loss once the fires have died down and our lives are meant to return to normal.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

The Results Are In

Concerned friends and family members have been sending prayers, warm thoughts and good karma my way ever since I scheduled my biopsy. Luckily, the news I received from my doctor wasn’t as bad as I thought, although I do have a condition now that needs to be treated and is something that I have never heard of, of course.

Lichen sclerosis (aka lichen sclerosus) usually occurs in post-menopausal women. Clearly, anyone who knows me can understand the irony here and can appreciate why I found myself laughing out loud when I first read this fact online.

I’ve always been mature for my age and have, in the last few years, been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, begun to gone gray, no longer get carded at the bar, and will most likely be wearing bifocals by the time I hit the big 4-0.

Besides this new condition, I’m pretty lucky, health wise. I don’t have high cholesterol, I’m not obese or falling apart emotionally, and I have all of my digits and can function properly on about 5 hours of sleep (and a Triple Grande Soy White Mocha, no Whip). I really shouldn’t complain, and yet, I find myself asking, “Why me?”

This past year has been quite the challenge and yet somehow I can now laugh about the bad luck, or karma that’s come my way. In fact, just today, I spoke with my therapist about finally ending our sessions together due to the fact that I’m doing quite well, considering everything I’ve been through. (For once in my life, I’m in a long-term relationship with a man who, at the end of our nearly two years together will celebrate with me for finally reaching a state of complete sanity.)

He’s been a part of my life for so long that I come to think of him as a friend, which is strange, considering the fact that I pay this friend to listen to my problems (and for the countless boxes of tissues he’s supplied). Nonetheless, I’ll miss the fact that he listens to me, feeds me every once in a while and humors me when I tell him about the drama I create in my life with men.

But, all good things must come to an end and I’m proud of myself for getting through this last year (separation, rebound relationships, court dates, financial hardship, working 3 jobs, divorce, potty-training, starting my own company) without having a complete breakdown. The partial meltdown was bad enough!

I shared this link with just about everyone I know, including my therapist, but I wanted to include it here because it’s just so darn healing to laugh at yourself.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

BABY, BABY, BABY

I just got “the call.” My good friend is in labor and I’m on my way to her place shortly to stay with big sister. I feel slightly panicked and ironically, my friend sounded freakishly calm on the phone.

I’ve never experienced labor pains since I had a scheduled C-section with my son. I suppose I probably would’ve had a panic attack if I had to go through the whole contraction thing and timing them. I’m so impatient and I cannot be asked to watch the clock under normal circumstances let alone when pain is involved.

The reason why I’m not in my car and driving right this second is because my friend isn’t quite sure she’s ready to head to the hospital. Luckily she’s not that far from there and I’m not very far from her, either.

I’m anxious, nervous and excited for the new baby to come. I’m sure I’ll be awake until I hear how the delivery went, but with the way things have been going, I’m sure it will be quick and painless. At least I hope so. She’s got alot of work to do!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home