Putting it all in perspective

Over the last few days, for no reason whatsoever, I’ve been feeling pretty low. I’ve been keeping quiet, staying away from my usual connections – both online and in real life. Today, I had a ton of things to do after dropping off my son at school and I was starting to feel really anxious, frustrated and impatient – with myself and my office equipment.

As I was trying frantically to get this week’s newsletter out before 5pm (my personal deadline), I decided to check in to my Facebook page for a quick distraction and to see what everyone’s been up to today.

What I saw made my heart stop and I have been sick with worry ever since. Right there at the top of the page was the status update that I had to read twice before I realized that I needed to sit down (but I was already sitting down).

Anissa Mayhew

Anissa Mayhew is in the ICU after suffering a stroke this afternoon. Her husband, Peter, updated her Facebook status and there are thousands of us (literally) standing by waiting for the next update (and to learn whether or not Anissa was wearing clean underwear when she was admitted into the hospital).

For those of you who don’t know Anissa, let me quickly share the list of sites that she writes for, starting with the blog that is dedicated to Peyton, her youngest daughter who was diagnosed with leukemia in 2006.

• Hope for Peyton
• Free Anissa
• Aiming Low
• The Mayhew Review
• Blog Nosh

Just last week we celebrated with Anissa as her daughter reached a full year since her last chemo treatment. Anissa’s brought us along on her journey, through the ups and downs of Peyton’s treatment and recovery.  I have cried and laughed with Anissa over the years, mostly laughed, since it’s Anissa’s sense of humor that is the most prominent part of her personality, besides how genuinely compassionate and sweet she is.

I had the pleasure of meeting her, finally, in Chicago this past summer at BlogHer. She sat on the floor in front of me during the Humor Panel and upon noticing me, instantly put Aiming Low stickers on both my nipples. Yes, this is the Anissa that I  love and admire and laugh with and am now praying for.

I look forward to laughing with her again soon. Please keep her in your prayers. She’s in ours!

#prayersforanissa

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

For Closeness: TRAVEL

You’ve probably heard the saying, “You don’t really know someone until you travel with them,” or something of that nature. Well, since I am in a long-distance relationship, every time we’re together it feels like we’re on vacation. We spend a long weekend together, not really having a moment to ourselves, so this is a true test of whether the relationship can survive, in my opinion.

Steve Goodier, who writes over at Life Support System, has this to say about travel and getting close to someone:

If you want a deeper connection with someone your care about, if you want relationships that are more intimate, more meaningful and longer-lasting, then try this simple technique:  Just remember the word “TRAVEL.”

T is for TRUST.  If we’re seeking a glue to cement us to another, then trust is that bond.  A relationship will go nowhere without it.

R is for RESPECT.  Some people talk about how much they have always respected their cherished friends and family at a funeral.  But why wait?  People want to know that we hold them in high regard.  It’s about valuing others and letting them know you respect them.

A is for AFFECTION.  Sometimes affection means love.  Sometimes it means a touch.  Or a hug.  Always it means kindness.

V is for VULNERABILITY.  Though we may feel afraid to let another too close, no relationship will go anywhere without taking a risk.  Like entrepreneur Jim Rohn says, “The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.” And the love.

E is for EMOTIONAL INTIMACY.  It about learning to be open.  Learning to communicate freely.  The quality of relationships we make are largely determined by how openly we communicate.

L is for LAUGHTER.  Victor Borge got it right when he said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”  It’s also the most enjoyable.

So for a relationship that can really go somewhere, just remember the word “TRAVEL.”  Then enjoy the trip.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Online Dating Profile Pics: What NOT to Wear

Alright, I realize that this is going to come off as me being petty and will most likely offend some of you, especially those who have a profile online, but I have to share.

This isn’t about me making fun of anyone in particular (alright, it is), but after ignoring my eHarmony profile for over a week, I finally went over there to check out my latest matches and guess what?

There were over 210 matches waiting for me…and not one single profile caught my attention, except for the fact that I suddenly started talking to the people (by name) in the photos and actually taking notes (yes, taking notes).

Here is what I have learned from the profile pictures that came up on my screen and here’s what I would suggest to everyone (male or female) who plans on putting their pictures online (or who has done so already).

Don’t upload a mirror shot: You know what they look like. You can actually SEE the camera and sometimes a flash…Get someone to take your photo. Anyone. A neighbor, your mom, the guy at the pharmacy who thinks he’s taking your passport photo. Better yet, go in one of those photo booths that gives you four chances to get it right.

Don’t include a picture from last Halloween: A potential date is not interested in how you look in disguise. She or he wants to see what YOU look like. On a normal day.

Don’t include pictures from the bar: You know the one. You have a beer in your hand and you look laid-back and appear to be someone who knows how to have a good time. What this says to people is, “I like taking photos when I’m under the influence. Wait ’til you see what I look like when I’m WASTED!” Not a good message to be sending…

Please, please, please don’t include your children (or anyone else’s) in your main profile pic: I have a child and I love kids, but the first impression you give when you include children in your main photo is “I’m looking for a new Mom (or Dad) for these adorable kids.” Usually, the kids are the first thing people see, not you.

Please put a shirt on: I really can’t comprehend why people include photos where they’re not wearing a shirt. Usually, when that happens, it’s not flattering. No one wants to see you with your shirt off unless you’re at the beach, and you’re a Chippendale dancer.

Please remove your hat – and your sunglasses: Again, please refer to #2. A potential partner wants to see what you look like – eyes, hair – or whether you have any underneath the cap.

Don’t upload a work photo: I can’t even tell you how many doctors I’ve seen in their scrubs, firefighters I’ve seen with fires blazing in the background and military men in their uniforms. This all leads back to wanting to see what a potential date looks like outside the office (or place of employment).

Please include a photo where you actually look happy to be alive: I’ve seen way too many photos of people who can’t seem to crack a smile. Pretend you like yourself. Then maybe other people will.

Don’t include photos that look like they’re ‘still shots’ from your sex tapes: You know the one – the shirtless, awkward angle and expression on the person’s face = CREEPY.

Please don’t include major close ups: They’re never attractive and typically look like the WANTED posters from the nightly news.

If you’re in the military, don’t upload photos of you in your camo: You look like every other guy in camo…potential partners want to see what YOU look like, not what you look like when you’re ready to head into battle…Unless you approach dating defensively, then I suppose it’s OK.

Please do not post photos of yourself EATING (Yes, I did come across this one): Photos of you with your mouth full. Not going to earn any points with the women I know (let’s face it, women would NEVER post a photo of themselves eating).

College students / military men – Please don’t include your photos that showcase the nudey pictures on the wall behind you in your dorm room or on base: The women who view these photos will not see you, but the pics behind you. And that’s probably not going to get you a date. But, then again, you never know.

Please don’t include photos of you and your friends: Petty, I realize, but if I see a photo with a bunch of guys, I’m checking out the hottest one of the group, and chances are, it’s not the one who’s looking for a date.

Don’t include photos where you’re in full scuba gear: So you like to go diving. Great. Why do I want to see a photo of you underwater, with a full wet suit on and a mask covering your ENTIRE face? I want to see what you look like. This photo only tells me what you like to DO.

Last, but certainly not least, please don’t submit your profile to an online dating site WITHOUT a picture. I realize that the above “suggestions” might cause someone to want to pursue the online dating thing with just their personality to get them by. It WON’T happen. We all want to SEE what we’re getting into and – as long as the above suggestions are applied – you may have some dating success (of course there are no guarantees).

Good luck. And if you see my profile on line, don’t worry. The photos of me wearing a hat and glasses, alongside my son and in our Halloween costumes will be removed soon. I pinkie swear.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

12 Tips to Being a Great Mom (or Dad)

by Vered of MomGrind

1. Stay true to yourself.
2. Don’t be a martyr.
3. Don’t try to be perfect.
4. Ditch the guilt.
5. Be patient.
6. Listen to your children.
7. Be their mom, not their friend.
8. Teach them simplicity.
9. Don’t push them too hard.
10. Teach them self-esteem.
11. Teach them to be self-reliant.
12. Laugh and have fun!

Read more from Zen Habits.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

When Hallmark Just Won’t Do

Now, before I continue, I must say that I love Hallmark. However, not all situations or people are worthy of a Hallmark card. And that’s where SomeEcards come in handy.

This is a good one to send to a lover if you’ve discovered that he or she has cheated:

When you care enough to invite an ex-lover to your wedding:

The BEST Father’s Day card, ever:

To share with fellow co-workers:

Several of these cards will offend and possibly disturb some individuals. These are the same cards that will make others (such as myself) laugh out loud and want to send them to each and every one that you know. Spread the joy and be sure to leave a comment here with a link to your favorite SomeEcards!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

The Best Medicine

I have to agree that laughter is the best medicine but sometimes it’s hard to know when it is or is not appropriate to laugh because of something a child has done, or said. Too often I have found myself laughing out loud when my son has done or said something so cute or utterly ridiculous. I say too often because there are several instances when he gets upset and tells me that “it’s not funny.”

Despite these rare occasions, my son has quite the sense of humor. But he’s not laughing tonight.

Tonight is the first night that I’ve been away from my son when he hasn’t been with his father. He’s been with either one of us every day since he was born. My mom is staying with him for the next few nights and I know exactly how she must have felt when he called me up tonight, crying and asking for me.

He goes to school tomorrow where he’ll be asked to join in the usual weekday routine. I’ll feel much better when he’s surrounded by his friends and teachers, instead of at the house, thinking about my not being there.

Adjusting to changes can be difficult for young children and tensions arise when they’re expected to understand the concept of time when all they want is their Mom or Dad to kiss them goodnight, or right Now!

I’ll be falling asleep tonight in an over-sized bed, thinking about my son and how I wish I were lying next to him. He’s not going to remember this trip years from now, or will he?

I still – to this day – remember, vividly, not wanting to stay with my Aunt and Uncle when my parents left my sister and I at their house while they were away. We must have been there for more than one night but all I remember is standing at the edge of the bed – refusing to climb in to go to sleep – and crying. I wanted my own bed, my own house, and my Mom to be there when I woke up.

I also remember inviting my cousin over for a sleepover when we were in elementary school. I believe it was about midnight when my parents finally got her in the car to take her home because she was so homesick.

I appreciate the fact that my parents helped me to become more independent, learn the importance of trust, and to have faith that they will always be there for me, even if they aren’t always there.

I have a feeling that my son will be just as upset when Grandma leaves next week as he was tonight and I’m pretty sure that not that long afterwards he’ll ask me when she’s coming to stay once again.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Happy Monday!

I’ve had quite an unusual day. Actually, it was quite pleasant. The streets were somewhat empty as many schools and businesses are closed this week. I dropped my son off at pre-school and headed into work to interview our first candidate for the newly created role of Marketing Assistant.

I then took care of some correspondence and details for our upcoming spring season and then we closed the office for a few hours while we took a much-needed Kane/Miller fieldtrip to see the film, Dan in Real Life, which features a scene that includes our best-selling title, from Japan, Everyone Poops.

The film was sweet, laugh-out-loud funny and made for a pleasant break in the middle of a Monday. Steve Carell plays a single father of three girls, the oldest of whom is 17. The middle child (why is it always the middle child) is “in love” and manages to teach dear old dad a thing or two about following your heart by the end of the movie.

Dan’s character writes a parenting column in the local newspaper and has been raising the girls on his own since their mother passed away. His life focuses on the girls and it’s not until his mother tells him to “get lost” that he finally begins to open up and enjoy the feeling of companionship when he meets a lovely lady who he feels quite comfortable with.

The story takes some twists and turns, all full of humor and family chaos. I recommend this film to anyone who’s trying to find their own place in the world, especially single parents who tend to put their own needs last.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

A Little Meme

I discovered a mention of the Kane/Miller Japanese title, Breasts, this morning on the Paradise Found blog and browsed the site since it’s new to me. I also found this little meme posted there yesterday and thought it’d be fun to continue it here.

From Japan
Breasts
by Genichiro Yagyu

All memes, no matter what the subject, remind me of Trudy White’s Could You? Would You? I’m always up for promoting anything to get young people talking and getting to know each other – or themselves – better. I consider myself young (at heart) so I’ll begin…

From Australia
Could You? Would You?
by Trudy White

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?

My best friend from college.

2. What were you doing at 8:00am?

Still trying to wake up.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Responding to over a dozen emails.

4. What happened to you in 2006?

My husband filed for divorced (can’t recall much else from that year…)

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

Thank you.

6. How many beverages did you have today?

Still working on my first.

7. What color is your hairbrush?

I don’t use a hairbrush, but my comb is blue.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?

Coffee

9. Where were you last night?

At the office until 10pm

10. What color is your front door?

Dark brown

11. Where do you keep your change?

In a jar on the kitchen table that reads: Family Fun Night

12. What’s the weather like today?

Overcast, foggy.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?

14. What excites you?

Spending a day with family

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

No, it’s short enough as it is.

16. Are you over the age of 25?

Yes, thank god.

17. Do you talk a lot?

Yes, too much.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

No. And I’m appalled that other people do.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

Yes, but only through a friend of a friend.

20. Do you make up your own words?

Of course.

21. Are you a jealous person?

Yes, sometimes.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’

Andrea, Alison, Amber… (Hi, ladies!)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’

Kira

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

My son’s father

25. What does the last text message you received say

“Yeah, right. Maybe if I win the lotto.”

26. Do you chew on your straw?

No.

27. Do you have curly hair?

No.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?

Palm Springs

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

Can’t think of anyone

30. What was the last thing you ate?

a muffin

31. Will you get married in the future?

My first marriage just ended, and no, I don’t think I will have a second go.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?

A Night at the Museum (this is actually the only movie I’ve seen in the past 2 weeks)

33. Is there anyone you like right now?

Sure, lots of people!

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?

A few days ago

35. Are you currently depressed?

No, should I be?

36. Did you cry today?

Not yet!

37. Why did you answer and post this?

I’ve been having bad luck this week and thought perhaps answering random questions about myself would cheer me up. It has.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Threesome

Who was it that said things happen in threes? Tuesday, I was pulled over and got a ticket for speeding, yesterday someone hit my car in a parking lot and today – you’ll never believe this – I got a flat tire and spent the majority of my afternoon dealing with waiting for the replacement and being stuck in traffic afterwards.

Needless to say, after the week I’ve had so far, I couldn’t help but laugh when I discovered the flat tire (after a few minutes of pure panic). Luckily, reading kept me busy during that waiting period and I suddenly found myself enjoying the fact that I wasn’t at work. After all, I was spending the day outside, enjoying the beautiful San Diego weather, reading.

I find it’s typically our response to disruptions like this that tend to give others a perspective on what we’re like under serious stress. There are several characters from our books that I have learned from and consider role models as far as trying to maintain a positive attitude.

Dougal the Garbage Dump Bear is one such character. One of my favorite quotes from any children’s book is found on the last page of this one:

“…while he sat there on his own, Dougal would think how lucky he was…he realized that sometimes bad things happen so that good things can happen. You just had to make the best of it.”

From Australia
Dougal the Garbage Dump Bear
by Matt Dray

There are certainly other characters that I could reference, but it’s been a long day, a long night, actually. I’m heading home – finally. I’m going to have much better luck tomorrow. I just have to.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Better Luck Next Year

This morning – and most of this afternoon – turned out to be one of those days where things were not going my way. I might as well move to Australia (Bonus points for the first person to let me know where that came from!).

I brought my son to the dentist this morning. He’s been going every six months since he was six months old. He was a fabulous example of a well-behaved, fully cooperative child – until today. He started kicking his feet and waving his hands up in the air when the dental hygienist attempted to start cleaning his teeth.

Twenty minutes and several attempts at trying the whole thing again turned out to be false starts. We’re going to try it again in another six months. Both the dental hygienist and the dentist herself deserve patience (and patient) awards for probably having to deal with that same situation several times a week.

Although the whole experience felt like it was more devastating for me afterwards, it was nothing compared to the frustration I felt when my son and I got to our car only to discover a note that read: “I hit the front of your car while trying to get out. Call me at … “

This was some sort of joke, right? I looked at the front of my car and no, this was no joke. Indeed, there was a small dent in the middle of the hood along with a scrape mark on the front of the grill. Lovely.

What else could go wrong this week? After all, I was pulled over yesterday for speeding and the lovely CHIPs character (yes, he was on a motorcycle) was not interested in my excuse (“I just got back from Chicago and I haven’t driven in over a week!”)

2006 and 2007 have not been my years. I’m hopefully optimistic about 2008. Wish me luck.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home