A controversial look at breastfeeding

When it comes to breastfeeding, most people have a pretty strong opinion, one way or the other, on whether or not breastfeeding is right for them and what rights a breastfeeding woman has. Most of us are well aware of the benefits breastfeeding provides, both to the mom and the baby, but I don’t think many people are aware of the implications that Rabbi Schmuley brings up in his highly controversial article where he claims that breastfeeding can hurt marriages.

I’ll let you read the original article yourself (dating back to 2006) which was recently re-printed, no doubt in order to stir up controversy and to increase traffic to the site which published it. Rabbi Schmuley has since written a rebuttal about the original article and claims that his views and beliefs were misrepresented. I highly recommend that you read both articles before forming an opinion on the Rabbi, or what the original article claims.

What I took from the article though, what stood out to me, was the idea that breastfeeding could, possibly, may have a detrimental affect on one’s adult relationship.

I don’t think this happens in many relationships and certainly not with the women and men who I know, who communicate with one another and would never let something like this interfere with their marriage or intimate relationship, but it’s not to say that this hasn’t been an issue in some families.

I also know that when it comes to having a successful marriage or relationship, putting your child first is not part of the equation.

Recently, at the She’s Having a Baby event in Beverly Hills, I had the pleasure of attending the seminar with Tisha Campbell Martin, where I wanted to stand up and applaud when she shared with the audience the discussion she had with her husband before they ever became parents.

He wanted to make sure that they continued to put themselves first, and then the two of them as a couple, before their children. He was convinced that this would ensure a successful and happy marriage. They’ve been together for over twenty years and have two beautiful children.

I cannot agree more with this idea that putting ourselves first and our relationship as a couple next provides the root system that children grow from. It’s when we lose sight of who we are as individuals and as a couple that issues and challenges start to break down a relationship rather than being a cause to rally together and overcome it as a team.

Date nights might be hard to come by, especially when your children are young, but setting aside 15 minutes of alone time with your partner every day (morning and night) is a simple way to offer your daily undivided attention to one another and give each other that intimacy that you each deserve.

Finding time for yourself might be just as tricky, but if you share the same beliefs with your partner, letting each other have a night off from time to time (or an hour or two on the weekends) provides you with a great deal of breathing room that you also deserve.

Your family is important. Your child’s health is important as well, but what could be more special than cuddling up with your partner on the couch after 20 years and still feeling that same sense of intimacy that once brought you together. I hope we can all experience that someday and I believe our children will benefit from that even more.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

For Closeness: TRAVEL

You’ve probably heard the saying, “You don’t really know someone until you travel with them,” or something of that nature. Well, since I am in a long-distance relationship, every time we’re together it feels like we’re on vacation. We spend a long weekend together, not really having a moment to ourselves, so this is a true test of whether the relationship can survive, in my opinion.

Steve Goodier, who writes over at Life Support System, has this to say about travel and getting close to someone:

If you want a deeper connection with someone your care about, if you want relationships that are more intimate, more meaningful and longer-lasting, then try this simple technique:  Just remember the word “TRAVEL.”

T is for TRUST.  If we’re seeking a glue to cement us to another, then trust is that bond.  A relationship will go nowhere without it.

R is for RESPECT.  Some people talk about how much they have always respected their cherished friends and family at a funeral.  But why wait?  People want to know that we hold them in high regard.  It’s about valuing others and letting them know you respect them.

A is for AFFECTION.  Sometimes affection means love.  Sometimes it means a touch.  Or a hug.  Always it means kindness.

V is for VULNERABILITY.  Though we may feel afraid to let another too close, no relationship will go anywhere without taking a risk.  Like entrepreneur Jim Rohn says, “The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.” And the love.

E is for EMOTIONAL INTIMACY.  It about learning to be open.  Learning to communicate freely.  The quality of relationships we make are largely determined by how openly we communicate.

L is for LAUGHTER.  Victor Borge got it right when he said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”  It’s also the most enjoyable.

So for a relationship that can really go somewhere, just remember the word “TRAVEL.”  Then enjoy the trip.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Sports & Sex

I’m a huge sports fan, although I can’t claim any teams as my own. I’ll yell and cheer and jump up and down during hockey, basketball, football, soccer, baseball, beach volleyball, etc.

My son and I cheered on the athletes from the Summer Olympics that recently ended and I’m counting down the days until I’m able to purchase tickets to the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver (less than 30 days from now!).

If I had known years ago that sex is better for men after their team wins, I’d be more likely to stick around for the post-game celebration (if you know what I mean).

When I visited Las Vegas last year, I made sure to stop by the ESPN Zone gift shop for some souvenirs to bring back home. I bought my son (who was 3 at the time) a T-Shirt that read, “I watch ESPN with my mom!” It’s true. My son and I are huge sports fans and we’re always watching sports if we’re not participating in them ourselves.

I told one of my male friends about the T-Shirt via text messaging and he wrote back to tell me how I was “so going to get laid,” because of that shirt. I was so confused. How was my son’s shirt going to get me laid?

Apparently, sex and sports go together like salt and pepper, or chips and salsa. Why I’m referring to food here, I have no idea. The point I’m trying to make is that this article makes complete sense, looking back on the relationships I’ve had in my life. Whether it be friends or lovers, the men who I’ve enjoyed watching sports with have always been affected by the outcome of the games, psychologically.

Sports are not to be taken lightly, ladies. When a man’s team wins, he’s happy (and horny). When his team loses – or plays horribly – he’s not in the mood for love.

I would imagine this would be similar to a woman’s experience after shopping. She’s either feeling guilty (and not in the mood) or high from the spending spree and wanting to release some of her energy with her man.

So, here’s my idea. Women, if you’re not a sports fan, use Monday Night Football as a night to go shopping. Leave your kids with Grandma or heck, take them with you! When it’s time to head home, be sure to call your man to find out the results of the game. You may need to take action on your own but you can be sure to head home in the Express Lane if his team has won. He’ll be ready to do you some favors once you get home (if you know what I mean).

Go Team!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

10 Things Men Wish Women Would Know

I have been shopping around (so to speak) for relationship advice lately as many people I know have been coming to me (for who knows what reason) to ask me for my thoughts and insight on marriage and the future of love and intimacy as I know it.

Alright, so my suggestions usually fall along the lines of, “Here’s What NOT To Do,” based on my personal experience with a failed marriage and several failed relationships before and afterwards.

Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites have introduced me to may blog, including the lylah blog. Even though this post is from last year, there are relevant ideas here for any relationship (not just marriage). 

I need to preface this by saying that I am not a religious person. Even though I grew up Catholic and spent the majority of my education at Catholic schools, I don’t pray or attend church (unless there’s a wedding, baptism or funeral to attend) but I do consider myself a spiritual person.

The reason why I bring this up is that I want to tell you about my experience with the Bible. I read many stories from the Bible growing up and got many things from it. I believe that there are many great lessons to be learned within the pages, whether or not one believes in the stories from a faith point-of-view or, as in my experience, if you enjoy quotes and the power of language.

Let’s face it. The Bible is well-written and well-edited. With my publishing background and love of literature, I look at the Bible much differently as an adult. There are passages and stories written by different people in this collection, and you would be hard-pressed to find one that is not a good storyteller.

I’m getting off track here. What I do want to say though, before I continue with the point of this post, is that I read the Bible as I would any other book. I read between the lines, I disregard some parts of it while re-read others.

The biblical quotes that are included in this list from the lylah blog are powerful and relevant to the message she’s trying to communicate. I encourage you to create your own list (with your partner) to be sure to have a better understanding of his or her needs.

Finally, the list:

   10 Things Men Want Women to Take to Heart:

1. Don’t Try to Change Me
2. Respect Me
3. Understand
4. Pray for Me
5. See Me as God Sees Me
6. Let Me Be Me
7. Let me OWN the Responsibility
8. Feed Me (I take this to mean both physically and spiritually)
9. Build Me Up
10. Express Your Discontent & Disappointment in Me Without Anger

I would be curious to know what men would want their wives to know and vice versa, that are not included in this list. I encourage you to add them in the comments below.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Lessons to Learn from Same-Sex Couples

A study from San Diego State University suggests that committed same-sex couples are more satisfied with their partners than married heterosexual couples. The study surveyed same-sex couples who had civil unions in Vermont, same-sex couples not in civil unions and married heterosexual couples, over a three-year period. Results of the study showed that same-sex couples reported greater relationship quality, compatibility, intimacy and lower levels of conflict than married couples.

“If you think about same sex couples, you have two women or two men, who were raised in more similar ways. They’re both from ‘Mars,’ both from ‘Venus,’ and so it’s actually not surprising that when it comes to relationship satisfaction they do better,” said Esther Rothblum, SDSU professor. “Because of this they may not have to negotiate the huge barriers that men and women do in terms of how they view conflict, provide emotional support or handle childrearing,” said Rothblum.

According to the study, same-sex couples were indistinguishable from heterosexual married couples on many other relationship variables, including the number of children, sexual behavior and frequency of contact with their parents with or without their partners. This was the first study to follow same-sex couples in civil unions over time. It was published in the January issue of Developmental Psychology.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Best and Worst Sex Scenes of All Time

From the Daily Bedpost:

Last year, IFC.com and Nerve.com teamed up to compile “The 50 Greatest Sex Scenes in Cinema” history. Great fun (despite the horrible navigation that makes you almost just want to rent each video and fast-forward to the sex scenes yourself). But you know what’s even better than the best scenes? “The 50 Worst Sex Scenes in Cinema,” of course.

Well, they’ve done the dirty work again and come up with a doozy of a list. We’d say they’re almost all spot on, from Showgirls to Eyes Wide Shut to Wild Things, and they especially nailed it with their choice for #1 worst sex scene of all time. (Can you guess? Here’s a hint: it ain’t vegan.)

The only one we really take exception with is the Model T sex scene from Titanic (rated #48). Okay, it’s not great (that hand slap against the glass is way too staged), but one of the worst? Come on, have they no sense of romance? Plus, it was one of the last times Leonardo diCaprio was pretty-boy hot. That’s gotta count for something.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home