Apparently I Have An Issue With Letting Go

I was the first one to arrive…scoping out the joint and trying to figure out if I would be able to summon the courage to climb up the ladder and swing from the trapeze along with my friends. But my son and I showed up way too early. When we got there, the sports center was filled with young volleyball players and their parents. There was no sign of trapeze, circus-type activities going on so we sat on the sidelines, waiting patiently for the game to end.

Once the young girls and their families departed, the people behind Circus Fund wasted no time. In less than 25 minutes, the nets were in place, the ladder installed and the trapeze swung high above the ground. I was freaking out and the others had not arrived yet.

We took a closer look, walked to the other side of the gym and sat down, studying the height of the ladder, the faces of those who would be in charge of our safety, and the distance to the nearest exit.

Most of the girls showed up around the same time and there was a buzz of excitement when Liz pulled out the box of spandex pants from Bskinz for us to change into. (I picked the Jazzy Orange pattern.)

Once the class started, the instructors told us to pay attention, keep our voices down (and to put our phones away). I think it’s pretty safe to say that while most of us were excited about getting up there, we were pretty nervous as well.

Apparently, I have issues with letting go. I climbed up the ladder with such confidence that it never occurred to me that the hardest part of the entire night would be letting go of the trapeze bar itself.

Swinging was the fun part, I flew forward and back, squealing in delight and looking down at my son who watched in amazement. But then, I was told to let go and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let go so I was brought down, instead, safely. I came down slowly onto the net and laughed at myself for being too afraid of the fall even though I watched some of the others before me let go gracefully, and with a smile on their face.

Dealing with letting go seems to be a common theme for me lately. I have recently moved into a (much) smaller apartment, forcing myself to get rid of and purge things from my life, focusing on the more important things (and people).

I’m still working on this process, eliminating the excess things from my life and minimizing what I hold onto. The memories from this Girls’ Night Out are something I will hold onto for the rest of my life. It was a great experience with a wonderful group of women who first met online.

Special thank yous go out to Spencer (@NBCphotog) from our local San Diego NBC station for filming the event,  to @CaliforniaKara for taking pictures and to @muffintinmom for coming out to show her support!

The lovely, brave and talented ladies who participated in the Trapeze Girls’ Night Out:

@SugarJones @IizLiz @EverydayMama @CathyNguyen @MrsNatalie @CandiceStone @RockOnMommies @GingerAnderson @JenBoydSD @ReeseDixon @EyeMusing @Karinayhmy @SheWanders

Other posts about the event:
Adventures on the trapeze
The daring young moms on the flying trapeze
It’s a bird, it’s a plane..
Lessons learned from flying through the air
The daring young lady on the flying trapeze

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Two Things

Two Names I Go By:

1. Sondra
2. Mom

Two Things I’m Wearing Right Now:

1. underwear
2. pink robe

Two Things I Want (or have) in a Relationship:

1. Honesty
2. Support

Two of My Favorite Things to do:

1. Spend time with my son
2. Shop

Two Things I Did Last Night:

1. Enjoyed wine tasting with other Moms
2. Played BUNCO for the first time and laughed my *** off

Two Things I Ate Last Night:

1. Chipotle sauce & cream cheese (YUM)
2. Chocolate

Two people I Last Talked To:

1. Natascha & Erika (during the car ride home last night)
2. My man (he called this morning but let me go to help set up for a birthday party for a one-year-old)

Two Things I’m Doing Tomorrow:

1. Celebrating Memorial Day with my son
2. NOT working!

Two Longest Car Rides I’ve taken:

1. Maple Grove, MN to Portland, OR (1,715 miles) – August 1997
2. Prescott, WI to San Diego, CA (2,017 miles) – June 1999

Two Favorite Holidays:

1. Christmas
2. My son’s birthday

Two Favorite Beverages:

1. Pinot Noir
2. Voss Bottled Water

Two Favorite Types of Food:

1. Sushi
2. Mexican

Two Favorite Places:

1. There’s no place like home.
2. Home is where your mom is.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

MatchMaker

I don’t claim to be a matchmaker but I do enjoy seeing people I know find someone to spend their time with – and possibly the rest of their life.

Several of my girly-friends are getting married this year. I can’t wait to celebrate – and witness their union.

And to those that are in search of that special someone – please read the warnings first – there are several online dating services to handle just about anyone’s requirements.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

It Takes a Village

I am not the first one in my circle to have a baby (OK, my son is technically not a baby – he turns 4 at the end of the month), but I am the first among us – that I’m aware of – to become a Certified Parent Educator.

In no way does that mean that I am certified to actually be a parent. Anyone can do that. That’s the easy part: creating a child, bringing him or her into the world. The challenge comes afterwards and the more verbal and active the little beings become, the bigger the challenge.

One of my best girlfriends contacted me recently for some helpful words of wisdom. You see, with my son (and high-conflict divorce) I’ve pretty much dealt with every possible parenting issue under the sun. The fact that my sister (whose son is 18 months younger than mine) and my friend who is ten years older than me (give or take) come to me with questions regarding their little ones and the ages and stages that they’re in gives me strength and encouragement that I hope I am able to reflect back to them.

That I’ve been there, done that, proves nothing except for the fact that we all – as parents – must go through the same things, exactly the same things. Whether our kids hit, bite, talk back, or repeat something we’ve said, our children will still continue look to us for advice, guidance and for our unconditional love and support.

Now, I can’t speak for all parents, but I know that there are certainly days when I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and wonder how on earth I could possibly survive another day with the energetic bundle of bones that is jumping on me, screaming and crying loud enough to wake the neighbors (and still somehow manage to make me smile through it all).

Those are the days – and nights – when I wonder how I will possibly get to work (and function) on little or no sleep. Then there are the times when I wish I could play hooky, when I wish I could just sit up all night and watch my little guy sleep (and listen to what he says while he’s dreaming).

Having a child is the most rewarding, life-altering and life-enhancing experience. I only have one (so far) and while there are those who struggle to bring a baby into this world, and those who simply choose not to even try, I must admit that having a child was not my choice.

What I mean is that, for a brief period of time, I thought I would never have kids. Then I got pregnant, unexpectedly, in college, and lost the baby just a few months later. I lost more than my unborn child that day and it took me a long time – years, in fact – to finally come to the realization that life does what it will with us.

I ended up moving to San Diego after the miscarriage, meeting my son’s father, getting married, and creating our beautiful child together before moving on and separating our lives and dividing our time.

I could dwell on the negative aspects of all of this, like the fact that my son cries himself to sleep quite often, always missing the other parent, but instead, I choose to look at the positive things that my son is getting from this experience of moving back and forth between two worlds.

He is loved. He is challenged. He is learning to adjust, learning to live under different sets of rules, habits and climates. He is growing to love each of us for our strengths and despite our weaknesses. Our ability to apologize (profusely) and ask for forgiveness enables our son to see the ups and downs of life, the best and worst of people.

Life leads us in many different directions. Some may seem predictable, some come to us as a complete surprise. Parenthood is like that too. We should all be so lucky. And we should all be lucky to have friends and family to turn to – for advice, a shoulder to cry on, or to brag about our little one’s achievements.

I feel honored that my girlfriends come to me for any number of these things. I love sharing the horror stories of parenthood with them – along with the mommy moments that make us proud. I am proud of all the Mommies in my life – especially my own – for teaching me to be a better parent.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

A Little Meme

I discovered a mention of the Kane/Miller Japanese title, Breasts, this morning on the Paradise Found blog and browsed the site since it’s new to me. I also found this little meme posted there yesterday and thought it’d be fun to continue it here.

From Japan
Breasts
by Genichiro Yagyu

All memes, no matter what the subject, remind me of Trudy White’s Could You? Would You? I’m always up for promoting anything to get young people talking and getting to know each other – or themselves – better. I consider myself young (at heart) so I’ll begin…

From Australia
Could You? Would You?
by Trudy White

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?

My best friend from college.

2. What were you doing at 8:00am?

Still trying to wake up.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Responding to over a dozen emails.

4. What happened to you in 2006?

My husband filed for divorced (can’t recall much else from that year…)

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

Thank you.

6. How many beverages did you have today?

Still working on my first.

7. What color is your hairbrush?

I don’t use a hairbrush, but my comb is blue.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?

Coffee

9. Where were you last night?

At the office until 10pm

10. What color is your front door?

Dark brown

11. Where do you keep your change?

In a jar on the kitchen table that reads: Family Fun Night

12. What’s the weather like today?

Overcast, foggy.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?

14. What excites you?

Spending a day with family

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

No, it’s short enough as it is.

16. Are you over the age of 25?

Yes, thank god.

17. Do you talk a lot?

Yes, too much.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

No. And I’m appalled that other people do.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

Yes, but only through a friend of a friend.

20. Do you make up your own words?

Of course.

21. Are you a jealous person?

Yes, sometimes.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’

Andrea, Alison, Amber… (Hi, ladies!)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’

Kira

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

My son’s father

25. What does the last text message you received say

“Yeah, right. Maybe if I win the lotto.”

26. Do you chew on your straw?

No.

27. Do you have curly hair?

No.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?

Palm Springs

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

Can’t think of anyone

30. What was the last thing you ate?

a muffin

31. Will you get married in the future?

My first marriage just ended, and no, I don’t think I will have a second go.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?

A Night at the Museum (this is actually the only movie I’ve seen in the past 2 weeks)

33. Is there anyone you like right now?

Sure, lots of people!

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?

A few days ago

35. Are you currently depressed?

No, should I be?

36. Did you cry today?

Not yet!

37. Why did you answer and post this?

I’ve been having bad luck this week and thought perhaps answering random questions about myself would cheer me up. It has.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

It’s Official!

It’s about time. It’s about independence. It’s about moving on and putting my past where it belongs – behind me.

I heard from my lawyer’s office today. I’ve had a more difficult time dealing with the end of my relationship with the legal secretary and receptionist from his office more than I’ve had saying good riddance to my marriage.

After sixteen long and life-altering months, I am officially divorced, no longer married, free to do just about anything I please, as long as it does not involve my son, of course. (Anything related to him still requires permission and a court order, but that’s a whole other story.)

Sixteen months. I can’t believe it’s been that long since my ex-husband announced that he was filing for divorce. Of course, sixteen months ago I wasn’t in the same place, emotionally, and it took a while for the seriousness of his statement to sink in.

Now, I can proudly say that I am stronger, happier, healthier and more confident than I’ve ever been before (thanks mostly to my therapist). Throughout the last year and a half (just about), I’ve gained new friends, fell in love, had my heart broken, reconstructed my relationship with my son, my father, and my ex-husband. Along the way, I discovered strengths within me that I never knew existed.

It’s been a growing period, that’s for sure, but I’m pleased to report that after all the tears and heartbreak, I have no regrets. I have nothing to apologize for and certainly don’t feel there’s any reason for anyone to feel sorry for me.

The only person in this world that I will need to explain my portion of the responsibility to, is of course, my son. He’s much too young now to understand the implications of the marriage between his father and I or why it was not possible for us to have remained together, but at some point, I will need to sit down with him and answer the many questions that I know he will have.

It’s better to have loved and lost,
than to live with a Psycho
for the rest of your life!

I will say this right now. Each of us (his father and I) have a different version of the story to tell. And I’m certain that over time, those versions will be altered with what we recall and what we want to remember as our own truth, however different and separate those truths may be.

I am proud of my son for having the courage to deal with such a major disruption in his life and I am equally proud of his father, for having the strength and courage to walk away when he did. And I am just as proud of myself for having the strength and courage to not give up, to fight harder for the life that I want for my son and for standing up to those who weren’t sure if they agreed with my course of action.

It’s official. I am no longer a married woman. I’m a 30-year-old, single, working mom, newly divorced. It sounds less scary for me to say this out loud than it probably is for most married (or never married) people to hear.

We all have different paths in life that take us in directions that even we can’t predict. I believe mine was chosen for me and although it’s been a bumpy ride, I’m still moving, now at a faster pace, and I can’t wait to see what’s around the bend.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Long-Distance Relationships

I went to Vegas in March of this year to celebrate several life-changing events with some close friends. Although I’ve seen them separately on different occasions, the five of us girls had not all been together for about ten years.

Times had changed for us, drastically. Four of the five of us had become mothers in that time, three of us had gotten married, two of us were separated from our husbands and one of us was, and still is, childless and never been married (she’s also the smartest out of all of us).

We all went in different directions over the last decade and are now spread across the map. One of us went off and joined the Navy and bounced from WV to NC, MT, GA and ended up in Costa Rica (of all places). Two of the five of us graduated from college. One went on to graduate school and is now employed in a profession that she loves.

And then, there’s me. I had a miscarriage, dropped out of college, moved to San Diego, bought my first car (used), got married, landed an awesome job, had my amazing son, bought my first new vehicle, and suddenly found myself adjusting to life as a single, working mom as my husband filed for divorce and moved out, in that order.

I went to Vegas again in June with some girlfriends from San Diego. The one thing I never expected out of this quick weekend get-away was to meet someone who I would end up having a relationship with three months later who lives in a different state, a different time zone, on different schedules.

Technology has allowed for long-distance relationships to be possible since we are able to text, phone and email from just about anywhere. In this day and age when people are jumping into marriage and just as quickly trying to jump out, it only makes sense to distance yourself from those you care so deeply about.

As I mentioned already, my family and friends are scattered across the map. While I have connections here in San Diego, most of my loved ones are living in MN, WI, MT, TX, Costa Rica, NH, MD, CO, WV, FL, GA, Northern Ireland, and Northern California.

While I do love to travel, I don’t enjoy missing the people I care about, but with work and the daily routine that makes the days whiz by, it’s no wonder that we are able to enjoy the time we do have together, 100%. After all, it’s quality, not quantity that matters when it comes to relationships and that’s the secret most people don’t discover until, perhaps, the second-time around.

I have, and will not ever, forget all of the people who have helped me get to where I am now – a place in my life where I finally feel comfortable and balanced, satisfied and proud of where my life is headed and sexier than I’ve ever felt before.

Oh, and just in case I forgot to mention it, the March trip to Vegas celebrated several thirtieth birthdays, the birth of our children, the loss of our unborn, marriages, divorces and most importantly, the love of friends and family (they’re one in the same).

And if it’s another ten years until we are all together again, I know that it’ll be the laughter that we will remember as we share the secrets we have learned from another decade of growing stronger and wiser.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home