Archive for the ‘engagement’ Category

Will You Marry Me?

Is there a record somewhere of how many times this question has been asked? And how does one translate this in other languages? I am curious to learn more about formal proposals in other cultures. I need to do some research…

If you’re married or engaged, how did he propose? Do you know any females who proposed, and if you’re in a same-sex relationship, how does one determine who does the asking? Is there a certain amount of time that one must wait before popping the question?

There are so many questions that are raised when I think about marriage and how one goes from being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend too being an engaged couple, which is why National Proposal Day has me so perplexed. I mean, what’s the point, really? Who came up with this idea and why should we encourage people to propose on the same day, along with every other couple considering a lifelong commitment? Doesn’t that take all the romance out of it?

Then again, who wants to be surprised with the question? Isn’t marriage – and the future – something that a couple normally talks about so that there are no surprises?

All of these questions are indeed coming from me, a single yet committed woman who has previously been married. Who’s to say that never-before-married adults don’t have more questions about this ultimate contract?

Someone I know recently got engaged. She mentioned that her and her boyfriend (now fiance) hadn’t talked about marriage before he proposed and was completely caught off guard when he presented her with the ring.

Call me crazy, but this struck me as rather odd. How does one have an 18-month relationship (in their thirties) and not bring up marriage, or the future? Perhaps I misunderstood, but I’m hoping that their lack of communication around this topic only means that it was such a natural progression for the two of them that they didn’t think twice about discussing it.

National Proposal Day. I don’t think Hallmark will be able to take advantage, but the engagement ring stores will no doubt be marketing this one, don’t you think?

If you’re looking for great proposal ideas, I highly recommend the Robbins Brothers’ YouTube channel, where they highlight some pretty spectacular engagement stories.

And if you’re thinking about asking her or him to marry you, please make sure you send me an invitation. I love weddings.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

She Said Yes!

Did you see it? Online readers had the opportunity to witness the live (somewhat) proposal between The Boy and Mommy Pie. She said yes, of course, and followed up on her own blog the following day. Now is the time for us to share exciting proposal stories, offer relationship advice or simply send love to the happy couple.

My ex-husband (aka Mr. X) and I have created some interesting memories together, from our honeymoon in Venice (when a piece of the glass chandelier fell onto our bed in the middle of the night) to our camping trip to Mexico when he proposed.

At the time, Mr. X drove a VW Jetta. It had over a zillion miles on it and was banged up a little bit with several rust spots. It was the perfect car for driving across the border. I had no idea where we were headed, but we had our sleeping bags and a tent with us, along with our warm clothes, his expensive camera and tripod and food to last for the weekend so I knew we were going to have an exciting adventure and romantic time together.

We drove for quite a long time once we reached Mexico and I began to worry that we might be lost when I asked Mr. X if he knew where we were going. He said that directions he got from one of his surfer friends was to take a Left when you see the hand-written sign for “La Playa.”

I looked at him to see if he was joking, but when I realized he was completely serious, we drove in silence as the two of us paid close attention to the dirt roads to find the sign. We did find it, and after driving onto a road that was full of speed bumps made of dirt, testing the shocks of the Jetta, nearly banging our heads on the roof with every dip we hit, we finally approached a wooden building where an old man came out and asked us for money to continue down the road.

We gave the man a few dollars to enter “The Beach,” although we were heading down a dirt road that didn’t look much like a beach to me. We continued downhill, around corners, driving past cactuses and kicking up dirt behind us as we drove about 5 miles an hour for at least a mile and a half. The road curved around to the left and suddenly, the ocean opened up in front of us and a cliff with a large parking lot was in front of us where we parked, made room for our tent and had a private beach, entirely to ourselves.

We set up our tent, got into our bathing suits and followed the dirt path to the edge of the cliff where we found a thick rope which we were able to hold onto as we lowered ourselves down to the beach below.

The water was cold, but there was no one around and with the beautiful background and romantic mood we were in, we ended up having a sexy photo shoot where I ended up taking off my clothes and posing on the sand in front of the large rocks, something I thought I’d never find myself doing. I also never expected to be interrupted by a family with kids running down the beach towards us as I frantically tried to cover myself.

Later that afternoon, we went for a hike to the outer edges of the cliffs, through the cactus trails and heading up the hills and back down. At one point, Mr. X slipped and fell, landing right on top of a cactus, leaving spikes in his rear end that I had to pull out as he complained about the pain. I tried not to laugh but it was truly the funniest thing that has ever happened to me on a romantic getaway (this was before the Italian chandelier incident).

That evening, as the sun was starting to set, we started a bonfire on the cliff, set up our tent and prepared our meal which was pretty hard to do considering the fact that Mr. X neglected to pack anything to start a fire with. A group of surfers showed up that afternoon and parked a bit further down so luckily we were able to borrow a lighter from them!

We had a long and exciting day, walking, hiking, making love and enjoying the beautiful view and fresh air. When it got dark, it was pitch black. I was exhausted so I started to get myself ready for bed, realizing that I needed to wear every single item of clothing I packed since it was getting pretty cold.

I crawled into the tent, changed into some warm clothes, removed my contact lenses and laid down, waiting for Mr. X to join me. He knelt down leaning into the tent, looking for his sweatshirt which he couldn’t find. He asked me to reach down by my feet to find it, so I sat up, handed him his sweatshirt and laid back down.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, Mr. X said he had something to show me. I sat up to see him holding open the ring case as he asked me to be his wife. I immediately started to cry and – because I didn’t have my contacts in any longer – couldn’t even see the ring! Between my tears and the sparkle of the diamonds, I took a deep breath and reached for my glasses so I could see him and the beautiful engagement ring that he was presenting me with.


I was in shock, speechless, and so overwhelmed. I, of course, said yes, and fell asleep that night with a huge smile on my face.

Of course, the story doesn’t end there. Sometime while we were sleeping, the wind picked up pretty hard and started shaking the top of our tent pretty badly. We woke up cold, annoyed and unable to sleep through the howling wind and the fact that our tent was just about ready to collapse on top of us.

It was an eventful weekend, one that I will never forget and despite the fact that our marriage didn’t work out, it still makes me smile to think about since he is a huge part of my life – and always will be.

Having a child together changes everything. Someday, when our son gets married and has kids, Mr. X and I will be there to watch it all unfold, adding more amazing memories to our history books and once again, falling asleep smiling.

Why Same-Sex Marriage Would Be the Best Thing for our Economy

Imagine for a minute you’re planning a wedding. It doesn’t have to be your wedding, or the wedding of a sibling or best friend. Let’s say you’re a wedding planner. Your job is to create the best, most beautiful, elaborate, memorable and amazing wedding for the happy couple-to-be.

The people that are getting married are career-oriented, ambitious individuals who want to have a say in the plans, but who want someone else to carry them out. They’re smart because they’ve heard of the “Bridezillas” who become obsessed with spending disgusting amounts of money on what’s supposed to be a special day and who turn into evil Bitches who will fight for the best, brightest and most expensive wedding ever, despite who they hurt (or how much debt they incur) in the process.

Your job is easy. After all, there are hundreds of vendors in the wedding industry just waiting to help you out. The couple-to-be is relying on you to guide them and help them invest in the special day that will launch their future together as husband and husband, or wife and wife.

Regardless of how you feel about same-sex marriage, this is your job. You are going to be making a nice-size fee for arranging all of the details for their big event. Now, where do you go? Who do you turn to?

In the U.S., the average couple spends around $30,000 on a wedding. That does not include the cost of the honeymoon or engagement ring! This doesn’t even consider the cost that is spent by the bridal party themselves or the gifts that the guests purchase for the couple. Imagine what same-sex marriage could do to boost our economy when you consider the following costs:
  • Bride/Groom Accessories $125 – $400
  • Groom Suit / Tux $175 – $300
  • Wedding Dress $1000 – $1650
  • Hair / Makeup $125 – $215
  • Headpiece / Veil $225 – $375
  • Ceremony Accessories $140 – $235
  • Ceremony Decorations $420 – $700
  • Ceremony Location $490 – $825
  • Officiate/Pastor/Priest $175 – $300
  • Rehearsal Dinner $955 – $1595
  • Ceremony/Reception DJ $550 – $900
  • Boutonnieres/Corsages $135 – $225
  • Bride Bouquet $115 – $190
  • Bridesmaid Bouquets $180 – $300
  • Ceremony Flowers $325 – $545
  • Flower Girl Flowers $35 – $60
  • Reception Flowers $735 – $1225
  • Gifts for Attendants $355 – $595
  • Gifts for Each Other $285 – $480
  • Gifts for Parents $125 – $210
  • Shower Invitations $75 – $125
  • Guestbook $35 – $60
  • Wedding Invitation & Reply Cards $325 – $535
  • Personal Stationery $100 – $170
  • Save the Date Cards $125 – $200
  • Thank You Cards $65 – $110
  • Rings for Couple $500 – $1200 (each)
  • Bridal Consultant/Bridal Planner $1000 – $1650
  • Photographer $1500 – $2550
  • Videographer $1100 – $1850
  • Reception Beverages/Bartender $1660 – $2780
  • Hotel Room for Couple $200 – $350
  • Cake/Cake Knife Set/Cake Topper $460 – $775
  • Reception Decorations $800 – $1350
  • Favors $270 – $450
  • Reception Food Service $5680 – $9500
  • Reception Location $1850 – $3000
  • Reception Rentals $825 – $1380
  • Car Rental $225 – $380
  • Limo Rental $500 – $835
The above costs are estimates, based on rates found in Southern California. I didn’t spend nearly half this amount on my wedding (although it was approximate to the cost of my divorce).

Weddings can be put together with a much smaller – or grander budget – but the point here is that there are vendors (that are usually locally-owned businesses) that could benefit from making same-sex marriages legal.

I have never attended a same-sex wedding or commitment ceremony but I know of many couples who would be honored to stand before their friends and family and validate their relationship just as heterosexual couples have been allowed to do for generations.

Just a little something to think about.

The Hard Questions

My best friend of over fourteen years – whom I’ve known for over half my life – is getting married this fall. It’s her birthday today so I want to dedicate this post to her and her future hubby (who I haven’t had the opportunity to meet yet).

A few weeks back I picked up a copy of The Hard Questions by Susan Piver. Ever since my marriage ended, I’ve been very interested in books dealing with relationships and marriage.


This book contains 100 Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do” and I hope that those who are thinking about getting married, planning the wedding or wondering if their current partner is “the one,” will take the time to read this and answer these questions along with their significant other.

Here are just a few questions that can be found in the book:

  • How much will we spend on furnishings? Who will make these decisions? What factors are important in making these decisions (price, quality, style)? Do we want to be free to decorate as our tastes change, or do we expect to invest in quality that will last a lifetime?
  • What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend? Now? In one year? Five years? Ten years?
  • Outside of the office, how much of our work time are we willing to put into work? What place does the other’s job have in our home life? Do we have an office at home? Do we bring work home? How much time is spent working at home?
  • Are we satisfied with the frequency of lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched?
  • Is each of us happy with the other’s approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?
  • What place does the other’s family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often? For what length of time?
  • Who will take care of our child if we both work? How does each partner feel about daycare?
  • Which of us is responsible for creating community? Is one partner more outgoing than the other? Does one partner have a greater need for outside friendships and groups?
  • What place do spiritual / religious beliefs play in our home and home life?

These are just a few questions from the list of 100 to really think about your own thoughts, beliefs and expectations in aspects that affect your marriage, as well as your partner’s. Some of the answers might come to you easily. Some might be questions you have never thought about. All are essential to ask (and answer) before saying, “I do.”

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