Merging: Marriage and Money

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When you get married or move in with your significant other, you merge more than just your finances, but the discussion about money is something that every couple should sit down and have, prior to tying the knot or signing a lease together.

When my husband and I first talked about marriage, we were practical before romantic and talked about our finances in detail. We shared with one another how much money we made and joked about how much debt we were bringing into the relationship.

One of the first things we did before getting married, was put together a spreadsheet with our income and expenses. Both of us created our own, separately, shared them with each other and then thoughtfully came up with one spreadsheet based on our combined income and expenses. We started speaking in terms of “we” and “us,” focusing on how to reduce our bills and working together to come up with a budget that was both realistic and fair.

Since we got married, I’ve taken over the responsibility of paying our bills, mostly because having one person manage the money seems to make the most sense for us. While we do have separate accounts still we have pulled all of our info together into a joint account at Mint.com which easily keeps track of what we’re spending and manages our budget for us.

Major purchases are always discussed ahead of time so we know what to set aside and how much we can truly afford. The only downside to having easy access to all of this information is that neither of us can surprise the other with a gift since every penny is tracked and organized into specific categories. Of course, that’s what cash is for.

While there are many important details to discuss prior to the wedding day, couples should recognize that money matters are nearly always a point of disagreement when not discussed in advance. Schedule a time to sit down with your partner to talk about who will pay the bills, how much you plan on saving, investing, and spending. You’ll be glad you did.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Rebel with good cause

At anytime in my life, if someone told me I couldn’t do something, I wanted to do it even more. When my doctor told me I couldn’t have a VBAC (with baby #2), I wanted to prove him wrong as well. I wanted to prove that getting a second opinion was the best thing that I could do for myself and for my child.

I did end up having a successful VBAC, once I switched doctors and chose San Diego County’s first World Health Organization-designated Baby-Friendly birth pavilion to deliver at.

One of the first things they did when I checked-in at the hospital was ask if I had a Birth Plan. They read it over and confirmed everything with me and made sure it was followed precisely as I had outlined. My labor and delivery could not have gone smoother.

Now, I realize that I have a high tolerance for pain but having a drug-free, natural VBAC would still not have happened if it wasn’t for the fact that my husband supported me 100% as well as my doctor, the entire hospital staff and my support system of friends and family. Every time I doubted my ability to birth naturally, my people stepped in and reminded me that I could. I believed them because they believed in me.

My son is almost three months old now and I still can’t believe that my original doctor would have insisted that I have a c-section with him. I’d still be in recovery mode and I’d still be doubting the choice I made regarding his birth. I do believe that it should be our choice to birth the way we want to. After all, it’s our bodies and our babies that we’re  ultimately responsible for.

I understand that having a c-section may be medically necessary for some women. I know that there are times when there is really no other alternative, but when the pregnancy has gone smoothly and there’s been ample time between pregnancies (my first son was just days away from turning 7 when baby #2 was born), I also know that birthing naturally is much safer than many would have us believe.

I did my research. I spent many hours reading reports, stories, medical journals and pages from the CDC regarding both repeat C-sections and VBACs. After drowning in thoughts of the health risks associated with both options, I decided that – for me – having a VBAC would be the best choice. I wish it were easier to come to that decision. I felt so alone in having to search for information and finding a doctor that would support me.

I also felt guilt in either choice since there were many people telling me (society in general) that it was selfish of me to want to birth naturally (against what my doctor told me) and that it was selfish of me to have another c-section. I juggled both alternatives up until I finally switched doctors late in my third trimester.

As moms, we’re led to guilty feelings over many of the choices we make in raising our children. I don’t think the guilt needs to begin before our children are even born.

I’m not sure what the point of this post really is, after all, it started out with a discussion about rebellion and how I tend to want things more when they’re forbidden but I don’t believe that anything should be forbidden about the way we bring our children into the world. After all, we are able to choose whether or not we want to become parents in the first place and I believe this pro-choice mentality should carry over into other aspects of our life as well.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you go against your doctor’s orders in any situation, but I do suggest that you do your research and then do what’s best for you. Use the resources that are out there and use your friends to help make the best choice but don’t let others tell you what to do, or what not to do. We’re all different and what works for some, might not work for others. I did what was best for me and what was best for my baby and I have no regrets.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Celebrate Children’s Book Week

This year’s Children’s Book Week is less than 50 days away. Mark your calendar for the week of May 2 – 8 when the official Children’s Book Week takes place. Events are held around the country at local bookstores but you can host your own celebration, at home or at school, if you can’t make it to these locations.

Voting is now open for the 2011 Children’s Choice Book Awards. Voting ends April 29th so you have plenty of time to read all of the books by each of the finalists in time to make your decision on the author and illustrator of your choice.

For me, reading with my son is the best way to end our day together. At the end of the night, lying in bed with my husband while he reads next to me is another magical moment. We both look forward to the day when our baby boy will be able to join us in the reading circle.

Please share your favorite memory around reading, your favorite children’s book, children’s book author, illustrator, or anything else you’d like to share regarding books and reading with or to a child.

#ChildrensBookWeek
Since 1919

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Surviving Early Parenthood

The first few months of motherhood are especially challenging. Sleep deprivation and trying to translate baby’s cries while somehow getting everything else done is not easy.

Surviving early parenthood requires much support from family and friends, especially at the end of the day when both baby and mom are ready to have a melt down.

With my first son, I had two months of maternity leave before returning to work, full-time. Every morning, I would shower and get myself ready, eat breakfast, wake up the baby to feed and dress him, pack my lunch, grab the breast pump (in its convenient backpack) and change the baby’s diaper once again before heading out the door for work. By noon, I had already fed the baby three times, pumped twice and daydreamed about finally hitting the pillow at the end of the night.

My inspiration

Working from home brings on a set of entirely different challenges. While I don’t have to shower or put make-up on for this job, it does require quiet time when I can sit and write without interruption. We all know how that goes with an infant to tend to.

I was asked, recently, to share some advice for working moms in regards to returning to work after having a baby. I laughed at that request, since I could certainly use some tips myself on balancing a work-at-home career while taking care of a baby.

If you have any tips or suggestions, please share them!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home