Reaching my goals

At the beginning of the year I pledged to do the following three things for the #NewYearNewMe weight loss challenge:

1. Exercise for at least 30 minutes three times a week
2. Take the stairs when I can
   
3. Eat a healthy breakfast each morning

I sort of cheated with making that second pledge since our apartment complex is built on a hill. I have to take two flights of stairs just to get from my car to our front door. I do think, however, that setting attainable goals makes much more sense than setting goals that are outside our reach or that we might not be sure about being able to follow through with. This one was easy for me to reach!

Eating a healthy breakfast each morning has been a challenge with a new baby. My morning starts at odd times of the day (or in the middle of the night) since he’s not quite on a regular schedule just yet. Sometimes we wake up at 3:30 am and I fall asleep on the couch, waking up around 6:00 am to quickly make coffee and get my older son out the door in time for school. Somehow I manage to feed him a healthy breakfast each morning.

Being a parent is all about sacrifice. More often than not, I hear from parents – especially moms – about how their needs get put last on the To-Do list and unfortunately, that sometimes includes healthy eating. If I skip a meal (which I have done without realizing it) I also get irritable, which isn’t good for anyone. My new and improved To-Do list now includes a reminder to eat three meals a day, regardless of what time it is when I pour that first cup of coffee.

Exercising three times a week has been the easiest of these three pledges. I drop off my son at school and immediately head to the beach with my baby to stroll along the boardwalk. Who wouldn’t want to add that to their regular routine?

The CalorieStory app on Facebook has been a great tool for helping me keep track of all these goals. Knowing that when I exercise I can consume a few more calories and it’s considered exercise when I go up and down two flights of stairs with my 10 pound baby (and 5 pound car seat) in hand allows me to feel good about getting out of the house  more often (and neglecting the pile of laundry that awaits my return).

Having a new baby brings many challenges to moms, whether we work outside the home or not. My biggest challenge, on top of the three I already mentioned, has been setting aside time to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Perhaps that should be something I pledge to do more often…

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Savoring the moment

This week has been a bit emotional for me. My husband went back to work and I was a bit anxious about how I’d handle being home alone with the baby.

Even with a few sleepless nights, I somehow managed to get through the last few days without having a breakdown.

Having a second child seven years after the first has been an interesting experience. I can see how some parents would naturally compare their kids to one another since they’re each so unique, but since it’s been so long since my first son was an infant, I honestly don’t remember much about those early days.

What I do remember, quite clearly, is how difficult it was for me to adjust to being a first time mom, especially after I went back to work, full-time. The juggling of both career and motherhood was not an easy balance for me. I suffered from postpartum depression (not diagnosed early enough) and felt stressed and anxious fairly often.

Circumstances are much different with Baby #2. Motherhood is my full-time job now and so far, it’s been much less stressful, and much more fun, than the first time around.

I went for a walk with the baby a few days ago which turned into a mini-adventure for us. Just before reaching the 2-mile mark (our halfway point), he woke up screaming. I had fed him before our walk began so I knew he wasn’t hungry but he also wasn’t tired since he had been asleep for a little while.

Seven years ago, I would’ve stressed out about why my baby was crying and what I would do or where I would go since there was nowhere within sight to sit down. I most likely would’ve been in tears myself, questioning my every instinct.

Luckily, we were close to a little bakery on the boardwalk, so we stopped inside. I had never been there before and there was a comfortable couch and recliner there which made me feel right at home. I purchased a coffee and sat with the baby while he continued to fuss for about twenty minutes. I wasn’t in a hurry. I had nowhere to go and nothing on my to-do list that couldn’t wait.

Seven years ago, I would’ve been stressing about having to be somewhere or having things to do that would keep me from simply enjoying the quiet time with my baby.

Finally, he filled his diaper (hence the fussing) and I was able to change him and continue our walk as he fell asleep again, content and clean!

When we got home, I noticed a tiny hummingbird flying from its nest which was on our neighbor’s balcony. It stopped me in my tracks and brought me back to January of 2004, when I first came home from the hospital with my oldest son.

When I was pregnant with him, I discovered a hummingbird which had built her nest in a small tree right outside our front door. Around the time my son was born, I noticed a tiny egg in her nest and every day, walking outside with him in my arms, we peeked at the little egg and waited for it to hatch.

After the baby hummingbird was born, it stayed in the nest for several days before it was strong enough to fly on its own. It was bittersweet seeing the empty nest just a few days later, knowing that the baby and mom were both out enjoying their world and thinking about how quickly our offspring grow up.

From time to time, I’d see the hummingbird near that tree and over the 6 years that we lived in that apartment, it would come back to visit and remind me of those precious first moments with my son.

I just looked up the symbolism behind hummingbirds, reminding myself that at one point (after my first son was born) I had intended to get a tattoo of a small hummingbird on the back of my shoulder. I had forgotten all about it until this week.

Because of their ability to hover and take their time drinking nectar, hummingbirds are often thought to be reminders that life is meant to be savored.

Yesterday, my son and I came home from school to find the hummingbird in front of our door (on the welcome mat). It was clear that he was dying but had left his nest (or possibly couldn’t find it) to die in a dark, quiet spot. It was a sad, ironic moment, recalling what the hummingbird symbolizes and realizing that this week has been all about slowing down and savoring every moment, that life is too short to stress over the little things.

It’s something I need to continue to remind myself.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

I’m not a perfect parent

Just because I’m a Certified Parent Educator does not mean that I consider myself to be a perfect parent. I’m a work in progress.

When my oldest son was 3 years old, I took the 5-week course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) for the first time. My ex-husband took it as well – in fact, it was his idea. Our goal was to parent consistently even though we were parenting separately.

My son is now seven years old and with a stepdad and a new baby brother, we’re all having to adjust to our new situation and we’re constantly learning from one another in the process.

Recently, I convinced my husband (a first time parent) to take the 5-week course with me. He was able to attend the first two sessions before returning to work and I am currently over half way through the course. I’ll take it again when our boys get older, just to keep everything fresh and to take it all in from a new perspective since they’ll be at different developmental stages before I realize it.

I may not have all of the answers when it comes to my own children, but I also know that it’s much more difficult to come up with parenting solutions when it’s your own kids we’re talking about. We all have parenting challenges that keep us up at night or that our conversations naturally gravitate to. Our children are not perfect and neither are we.

Parenting is a job that never ends. Each day brings new challenges and every child is different. What works for one might not work for another and what worked today may not work tomorrow. Our kids keep us on our toes and I couldn’t imagine doing this job without the tools that I now have access to because of this RCB course.

I teach the 5-week course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior as well as one-hour parenting workshops that are more specific in nature. I work one-on-one with parents since the hardest part about taking this course is finding the time to do it. I’m flexible so we’ll set up a schedule that suits their needs. Sometimes I meet with them at night, others can work with me only every other weekend or during the day, while their kids are napping.

Since I was a single mom for most of my parenting career, my main focus is in working with other single parents to help them through the transition of separation or divorce and to help guide their child or children through the process as well.

Teaching and coaching parents reminds me what it is that I need to work on to be a better parent.

If you have a parenting challenge that you need help with, reach out and ask for support. Seek out someone who’s been there, send me an email or pick up the phone. That’s what I’m here for.

Lesson learned: I’m never done learning.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

The Case of the Leaky Car Seat

Why wasn’t I warned about this?

Our morning is nearly over and already my baby has taught me a great lesson that I want to pass on to you, and every other parent who leaves their little one asleep in his car seat.

After dropping off my son at school, I took a walk with the baby near the ocean and fed him before returning home. He fell asleep in the car, naturally, so I brought his car seat into the bathroom with me while I showered. He did not make a peep but after I stepped out of the shower, I heard him do what he does best – fill his diaper. I finished getting dressed and moved his car seat back into the living room. I returned to the bathroom to turn off the light and there it was, the first clue:

Clue #1

I quickly removed sleeping-baby from car seat to find this:

Clue #2

I solved the mystery: We don’t have a leaky car seat. We have a leaking baby!

Suspect Apprehended

Lesson learned: Be careful where you put your sleeping-baby-in-car-seat. Actually, be careful where you place baby’s bottom, whether he’s asleep or not.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Day One

After taking advantage of California’s Paid Family Leave and one full month to bond with our baby (and to help me stay sane), my husband went back to work yesterday. Although I was anxious about how it would go, I had a great day.

The morning started off with a visit to the pediatrician and a trip to the grocery store. Home to eat and feed the baby before heading out, yet again, to get my brows waxed (long overdue) and to drop off two bags of maternity clothes to a friend and mom-to-be-blogger. Home once again to feed the baby before heading out to pick up my son from school.

The baby slept most of the morning during all of these trips in the car but once we were home with his big brother, he decided to stay awake. By the time we all went to bed for the night, I was done. Not much energy left to function at that point.

I woke up to the baby fidgeting and grunting – the first clue that he either needs his diaper changed or milk. This was around 2:30 am so we slipped out of the bedroom and I changed his diaper and fed him before returning us all to bed (Oh, and I might have watched an episode of The Cake Boss that was waiting for me on the DVR during this particular feeding).

Less than two hours later, I was awakened by the baby again and since my brain was no longer working, I did what came naturally to me. I picked up the baby and started our usual nighttime routine again – diaper change and feeding. Only this time, he spit up most of what he ate before I realized that he wasn’t hungry. He had only eaten  a few hours prior. Duh.

Lesson learned: Sometimes it’s ok to change the baby’s diaper and put him right back to bed.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

I Want My MTV

One of the philosophies behind my company states that it takes a village to raise a child, so I realize that many parents, especially those who work outside the home or who are not up to date with what’s happening in pop culture, might not be aware of some of the television shows that are marketed to children and young adults. It’s our job to make them aware.

One show in particular is the recently launched series on MTV, entitled Skins. The show follows a group of high school friends as they experiment with sex, drugs, alcohol and other behaviors and activities that are not typically endorsed by mom and dad.

I haven’t watched MTV (Music Television) in years (since they stopped focusing on music) and I have not watched this show, nor do I intend to. I think MTV now stands for “Mature Television” since many of its shows contain content that “may not be suitable for all audiences.” In fact, click on the Skins site on the official MTV page and you’ll be prompted to verify your date of birth to see a Sneak Peek of this new series. How does one verify this information on their television?

I have to play the devil’s advocate for a second and question whether or not MTV’s motive behind this series is to actually open the eyes of parents who might not otherwise be aware that these type of behaviors are going on when they’re not looking. Perhaps the entire goal of airing this show is to help us understand that we need to be more involved in our children’s lives so that these risky and illegal behaviors don’t lure them in, regardless of whether or not they watch controversial television shows or movies.

There has been a call to action regarding MTVs Skins and banning it from your home, blocking MTV all together and asking advertisers to refrain from buying ads during this time slot. Might I suggest you simply watch this show with your child and discuss it afterward?

After talking about this new series with my husband several times over the last few days, I’ve come up with one conclusion: Kids who engage in these types of risky behaviors & activities don’t have parents who care as much as we do or that are aware that this television show exists.

I don’t think it benefits anyone from blocking, protecting, or censoring kids from the reality that these behaviors take place among teenage crowds, but there is a need to make each and every parent and educator aware of this show and that these activities and behaviors do take place among high school and even middle school students so that we can help children make decisions that will enhance their lives, and that won’t jeopardize their futures.

I will never understand why some parents do what they do or how their children end up in the situations like those found in the scenes of this show. I’m torn between who to be more upset with – MTV for airing this show, or the parents who gave the OK for their children to be a part of it.

Where do you stand?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Carb Lovers Unite

I’ve never owned a scale and have never followed a diet of any kind simply because I love food and don’t typically do well with anything that’s forbidden. If I’m told not to do something, or not to eat something, I tend to want to do it more, or eat more of the said foods.

That’s why the #NewYearNewMe challenge appealed to me. I was eager to lose weight and get back in shape after our baby was born and was even more excited to learn that I didn’t have to follow a strict diet with rules that I would  feel bad about breaking.

The CalorieStory app on Facebook has helped me track my calorie intake and although I haven’t been vigilant about tracking my meals every single day, it has made me more aware of what I’m eating/drinking on a regular basis.

The CarbLovers Diet book that was sent me for this challenge has helped me out as well. Filled with some amazing recipes and helpful hints, I’ve learned quite a bit about healthy eating and losing weight without having to give up the carbs that I enjoy.

Health magazine editors, Ellen Kunes and Frances Largeman-Roth, RD, are behind this helpful book and inspire readers to be more creative with family meals instead of eliminating certain items from your diet, like so many other weight-loss programs tend to do.

These 4 CarbLovers Rules helped maintain my excitement over this challenge and I hope it encourages you as well.

1. Eat a CarbStar at every meal. Carbohydrate-rich foods contain two types of starch. The one we hear about most often is high-glycemic starch (found in the foods we’ve been told to avoid) which is absorbed quickly and raises blood sugar. It also causes a spike in energy.The other type of starch is called Resistant Starch – a weight-loss powerhouse because it does not get absorbed into the bloodstream or broken down into glucose.CarbStars include oatmeal, bananas, beans and lentils, potatoes, whole-grain pasta, barley, brown rice, peas, rye and pumpernickel bread, polenta and potato chips.
2. Balance your plates. CarbStars should take up around 1/4 of your plate. The rest of your meals will be filled with great weight-loss boosters like lean meats and low-fat dairy products, good fats, and fruits & veggies.
   
3. Never let yourself go hungry. The meals found in the recipe section of this book will leave you feeling fully satisfied. Research shows that when you feel full, you’re much more likely to stick with a new weight-loss plan.
   
4. Enjoy what you love to eat. Most diets out there dictate what we CAN’T eat even though there’s solid research out there that suggests we end up bingeing on the foods that we’re forbidden to eat. On the CarbLovers Diet, you won’t have to give up anything. You can indulge (in moderation) every day.

Other great things to keep in mind about carbs:

• CarbLovers carbs curb hunger better than other types of foods. They’re rich in fiber and low in calories.
• People feel happier when they include carbs in their diets and crankier when they restrict them.
• Carbs prevent fatigue. Resistant Starch carbs help your body burn fat more efficiently so you stay energized longer.

Caribbean Mahi Mahi with Banana Chutney

The list of Resistant Starch foods are some of my favorites so this “diet” is perfect for me. The foods found in the recipe section made my mouth water and I marked at least a dozen that I want to start including in our weekly meal plan. These are healthy meals that support your weight-loss goals and that your entire family will love.

Tell me these recipes don’t sound delicious: Black Bean Tacos, Polenta Fritters with Asparagus & Eggs, Zucchini & Potato Scramble with Bacon, Black Bean & Zucchini Quesadillas, Bistro-Style Sirloin with New Potatoes, Caribbean Mahi Mahi with Banana Chutney. My mouth is watering already.

The book also includes a section on a workout routine that you can easily incorporate along with these yummy recipes. The fact that this weight-loss challenge has me more excited about food is a good sign that it’s a diet that will be much easier for most people to follow than others that “encourage” you to eliminate certain things from your pantry.

If you would like to win a copy of The CarbLovers Diet, there are several ways you can enter. One winner will be randomly chosen on February 1st.

• Leave a comment below stating what CarbLovers recipe you’re most excited to try.
• Leave a comment below listing what you had for breakfast this morning and the number of calories consumed. You can keep track on the CalorieStory Facebook app and monitor your intake as well as taking the challenge (you’re entered to win some great prizes through the sponsors when you do).
• Earn an extra entry by sharing this post on Twitter (leave a separate comment when you do with a link to your mention).
• Earn an additional entry by sharing this post on Facebook (leave a separate comment after you do).

Good luck and Happy Dieting!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Emptying the Nest

While I have been busy dealing with the expansion of our family unit, others moms in my circle have been preparing for the empty nest phase. I can’t imagine another transition that comes with more stress or emotion.

Today’s young people are growing up at such a fast pace. Parents are having to educate themselves on how to best prepare their offspring for life in the “real world,” even as the world evolves faster than most of us can comprehend.

As a Parent Educator, I work with parents of young children, for the most part. Their main concerns are trying to help their kids become more responsible and respectful, hoping to instill these qualities at a young age so that when the time comes for their kids to head out on their own, they’ll be perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and dealing with issues as an independent adult.

It’s certainly not easy.

Dr. Brad Sachs, a psychologist and father of three young adults, has written a book on Emptying the Nest, a book that is meant to reach parents before their children are launched into the world, unprepared.

In his clinical practice, Dr. Sachs realized that it was fairly common for young adults to unsuccessfully make the transition to independent life and his book serves to encourage parents to help their tweens and teens become more competent and resilient.

In analyzing this cultural phenomena through his own case studies, Dr. Sachs discusses the role of smaller family size, suggesting it may result in more helicopter parents:

Raising fewer children more easily creates the possibility of focusing too intently on those children, which in turn makes their eventual emancipation more involved and emotionally fraught for everyone involved.

These type of parents show uncertainty and ambivalence when it comes to striking the optimal balance between support and enabling, between care and overprotectiveness.

Modern technology is a contributing factor as well:

These perpetual electronic umbilical cords [instant messaging, text messages, email, video chat] can work against the process of separation…particularly when the young adult is feeling insecure about his capacity to strike out on his own.

Financial independence is also a challenge for many young adults, especially with the economy taking a turn for the worse over the last few years. “Tough economy or not…young people have simply not been expected to practice financial self-sufficiency and restraint during their adolescence, which hobbles their capacity to do so as young adults.”

Dr. Sachs goes on to discuss the developmental stages of letting go and exactly how parents can help prepare their young adults for true independence.

We see our children at various points in their development through the lens of how we remember ourselves when we were their age. And we nurture them according to how we were raised when we were at that stage.

I strongly advise parents to think back on their early adulthood with as much accuracy and objectivity as they can so that they operate with as much flexibility as possible, rather than unconsciously repeating old patterns, or reflexively opposing them.

In addition, it is worthwhile to consider being more honest with your young adult regarding what your life was like when you were his age.

He devotes an entire chapter on the relationship between mom and dad at this stage of their children’s lives:

While we tend, as mothers and fathers, to pay very careful attention to how our child-rearing behaviors affect our children’s development, we tend to minimize or even ignore how our marital behaviors affect our children’s development and the interaction between our lives as couples and as parents.

The relationship between a husband and wife can have an enormously positive or negative impact on a young adult’s efforts to separate and become self-sufficient.

With each stage of our children’s lives comes new challenges but I’m excited to know that there are great resources available for parents at every one of them. And knowing that focusing on my relationship with my husband will benefit all of us is even more encouraging.

I’m scheduling our monthly Date Night now just to keep us on track for the long – and exciting – journey ahead.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

con Leche

Our baby boy was born on Christmas Eve morning. I hadn’t packed my hospital bag ahead of time so I wasn’t feeling quite as prepared as I had hoped when I went into labor.  Luckily, I had made a quick trip to Babies R Us earlier in the week so we did have everything we needed, or so I thought.

The morning after our baby was born, my husband went home to shower and to grab a quick bite to eat (the cafeteria food wasn’t cutting it for him). He showed up a few hours later with a small gift in hand. Even though it was Christmas Day, it still brought me to tears. This is certainly one Christmas I will never forget.

Inside the box was a watch, one that was on my wish list but that still came as a surprise. I haven’t worn a watch in years and even though I recall saying a few years back that the wrist watch would soon be obsolete (what with everyone carrying a phone which tells the correct time), I fell in love with the watches from con Leche that I had discovered during my pregnancy.

con Leche (Spanish for “with milk” or “milky”), makes stylish watches for breastfeeding moms. Underneath the standard dial that tells the current time is a second dial which shows the time of baby’s last feeding and is manually reset each time your breastfeed. You can also record which side baby nursed on at each feeding by manually setting “L” (left), or “R” (right). Ingenious.

When my first son was born and breastfeeding was new to both of us, I kept track of each feeding on a piece of paper but soon discovered that having that paper handy at each feeding was the most challenging part of the process.

Breastfeeding can be a struggle during the first few weeks but it does get easier. My new watch is a lifesaver and makes feeding the baby much less stressful since I simply glance down at my wrist to determine when, approximately, his next feeding will be.

I highly recommend adding a con Leche watch – with three unique designs – to your baby registry or for dads to purchase as a push present for their partner. I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas gift (besides our Christmas Eve baby).

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Better Than Pajama Jeans

As part of my #NewYearNewYou challenge, I’ve committed to share my progress on a weekly basis. I encourage you to take the challenge. Thank you for supporting me in reaching my goals.

Our baby is just over 2 weeks old already. The last few weeks have gone by so quickly, having to adjust to less sleep and a new routine of not really having a routine just yet.

It made sense to continue to wear my maternity clothes after the baby was born since I still looked pregnant but it soon became evident that I would have to start wearing my pre-pregnancy fat pants (aka anything with elastic) since I kept having to pull them up. Pajama jeans were sounding pretty ideal but before I had a chance to pick up the phone and order a pair, I did it – I fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans!

Our son is already 8 pounds and he’s stretching beyond the newborn size clothes. We’re all very happy & healthy over here, getting caught up on sleep and taking advantage of the additional hands that are here to help  us out. My husband is about half way through his paternity leave. I can’t imagine doing this without him…

Breastfeeding has helped me lose the baby weight so quickly and taking walks every other day have also contributed to the rapid weight loss. Only a mile and a half at a time for the last few weeks, but we plan on increasing the length of our treks now that I’m ready to really start exercising and baby is sleeping for longer periods of time between feedings.

This week, I’m venturing out with baby in tow to three events, all of which revolve around food. I’ve been enjoying my husband’s cooking – as usual – but I’m excited to get out and enjoy some girl time with my fellow bloggers and friends.

I swear, the term GNO was originally coined by a mom of only boys. Now that I’m surrounded by three males, I realize how important my girl time really is. Don’t get me wrong, I love being the Queen of the house (with no princesses yet to compete with me), but I’m looking forward to sharing some laughs and sipping on drinks with my girlfriends.

Perhaps one of them has tried a pair of Pajama Jeans and can tell me if they’re better than my pre-pregnancy jeans because right now, I can’t think of anything better to slip into.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home