Is your cup half full or half empty?

I was invited to an event, sponsored by Got Milk, last month, but wasn’t sure I was going to attend at first. There were several reasons why I was talking myself out of going. I don’t normally drink lattes in the afternoon and when I do, I drink them with soy milk since I’m lactose intolerant. My son was with his dad that afternoon so it would be  slightly uncomfortable to be the childless mom in the crowd. It’s not always awkward for me to go to events without him, but I end up missing him even more when my friends are there with their little ones (and I’m not).

The invitation reminder came again the night before the event and all I remember reading was the fact that there was going to be a Tarot Reader there. That was just the push I needed to get me there! I mean, who doesn’t want their future laid out before them and know what’s around the corner?

On the afternoon of the event, I got in the car and put on my game face (aka big grin) and was one of the first bloggers to arrive. The event was held at Java Jones, an adorable little coffee shop downtown. I was pleasantly surprised to see a fellow writer, mom and friend who I had not seen for quite some time when I first walked in the door. We chatted about her upcoming (at the time) appearance on Dr. Phil, laughed about the time we first met in person and hugged. She’s Mexican too, and reminded me of so many of my relatives that I felt like I was with family.

Others from the San Diego blogging community walked in the door shortly afterward and I was soon surrounded by smiling faces, adorable children and friends family. Boy did I need that.

@MamarazziKnowsB, @lajollamom, @hip_m0m, @mamamaryshow, @everdaymama

I also needed the Tarot Reading, more than ever, since I had recently moved and was in the middle of interviews for a job, and had questions about where my long-distance relationship was headed.

I sat down with the beautiful woman reading the cards and suddenly I was nervous. Maybe this was the reason for my apprehension over attending the event. Fortunately for me, everything she told me was positive. She laid out cards, which I wish I had taken photos of, or at least remembered in some detail. All I know is that several of the cards contained cups in the images. Cups represent emotions,  psychic and intuitive arts, fantasy and illusion, fertility, emotions, spirituality, sacred sexuality, grace and serenity.

She talked about where I was about three months prior, where I was currently and what my future looks like three months into the future. It was all good and I felt relieved, knowing that everything that I had been questioning was all leading me in the direction I needed to go and that my metaphorical cup was full ( in many ways).

Speaking of cups, I was lucky enough to sample one of the beautiful lattes that was created by two-time United States Barista Champion, Heather Perry. She made several drinks and provided us with a few recipes to try on our own and made it all look so easy.

The drink she made (in the photo to the left) was delicious and was almost too pretty to drink.

Heather has appeared on the Discovery Channel, the Food Network and holds a Guinness Book World Record for building the world’s largest espresso machine!

She was a delight to watch and speak with and even though the recipes intimidate me slightly, I have to try them out with the espresso machine that I walked away with after being selected in the raffle drawing as the Grand Prize winner.

Yes, that’s right. My coffee cup is always half full now and I am spending less and less time (and money) at the coffee shop on the corner, which means I can spend even more time with my son, my friends and sipping on my coffee.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

How social media and technology destroy relationships

I studied Communication (along with Psychology & Professional Writing) back in college (in the 90s) when email was the main communication challenge. Answering machines, call waiting, beepers (yeah, I know, I had one) were quickly becoming obsolete and online miss-communication was starting to get in the way of relationships, both in personal lives and in business.

Imagine a time when husbands and wives picked up the phone to chat about plans for dinner, or moms called their girlfriend next door to arrange play dates for their kids. Do you remember what it was like to have  one computer to share, one phone for the entire household, and perhaps even one email address for the whole family?

Today, things are much different. We now have several tools in which to miss-communicate with the people in our lives and with many different devices.

If we’re not careful, these devices could actually ruin the relationships in our lives that we’re trying (in so many ways) to maintain.

Before you confuse me with someone who doesn’t use social media or technology on a regular basis, I need to step back to say that I know social media and technology can, when used correctly, enhance relationships. I would, however, argue that most of us are still trying to figure out the rules and boundaries within our relationships since each is so unique.

Not to change the subject (you’ll see the correlation soon, hopefully), but let’s also look back at the book (also from the mid-90s) called, “The Rules.” At the time it was released, it was pretty controversial and, admittedly, I never did read it but I have read about it and people’s complaints and general dislike for the ideas brought about by the authors. From my understanding, these so-called ‘rules’ were meant for women and provided guidelines to follow in order for them to be successful in love by learning how to manipulate men and not appear so available (the classic hard-to-get scenario).

The only thing that I do comprehend about this book (again, not having read the book), is the title and the idea that relationships require rules in order for them to be successful. With established guidelines, everyone is on the same page from the beginnings.

I believe most of our relationships start without having established rules or boundaries and perhaps some unwritten rules that only one partner is aware of. That spells trouble and I cannot emphasize how destructive these unwritten (or not discussed) rules can be. This is why I heartily agree with those who create pre-nuptial agreements. After all, the paperwork one goes through in a divorce would not be nearly as complex if there were written understandings and rules established going into the relationship. But I digress…

I do think too, we run the risk of taking value away from our own time when we make ourselves available in many different ways (business cards now have long lists of ways to connect with one another without  Hours of Operation).

With social media and technology today, The Rules keep changing. Who makes up the rules when it comes to how often you should contact the other or at what time of day or night? Text messages, email, phone calls, instant messages, Direct Messages, Twitter and other social media tools all are meant to enhance relationships. But again, if no rules have been established, how exactly can they benefit us?

In personal relationships, rules do need to be established. Everyone should have an equal say. What time is too late to text you? Or too early? How many emails can I send to you at work before your boss starts questioning your loyalty? How long do I wait after I send an email before I can legitimately assume you’re ignoring my message?

Many of us get worked up, anxious and are hyper-aware of our phone or the time with every idea, thought or question that’s thrown out there. How do we know, for sure, that the intended party is actually receiving that message? Or interpreting it correctly?

A few weeks ago, my sister sent me a text asking me for my new address. I immediately responded and  then didn’t hear back from her. I ASSUMED that she received my response. A few days after that initial text, she sent another, asking the same question. Have you ever received a duplicate text message in the past? Wouldn’t it be safe to say that the same number of texts also disappear?

I wasn’t thinking about that possibility at the time so, again, I responded right away with my address, this time, getting a little annoyed at her for asking me the same question twice. No one likes having to repeat themselves. Had either one of us actually picked up the phone, I would’ve realized that she had not received either of my responses and that she was getting annoyed with me, for having ignored her. Twice.

The third time she asked for my address I just about lost it.  I was in the middle of a session with a client and checked my phone (habit) when he got up to use the restroom. I sent my address again while explaining to my client what was going on since I was typing away when he returned. By the time the session with my client ended, I looked at my phone again to find her last text saying, “Never mind. I got it from Mom.”

I called her that night, wanting to finally get down to the bottom of it. She had received my other text messages, just not the three with my address. Strange, right? We were both annoyed with the other for no good reason and all of it would’ve easily have been cleared up with a phone call, or even an email.

While sharing this story with my clients and friends, similar stories have come up. Some find it annoying that their spouse doesn’t respond to their texts right away or their boyfriend/girlfriend texts too often. Others find it strange that people don’t respond to their emails on the same day or respond using another method to communicate other than where the conversation originated. Long story short, there have been no rules established in these relationships (with regard to communication).

Most of us go through our day thinking that the way we use technology and social media are being used in the same way, or should be used in the same way. #Fail

With each relationship I have established, I have taken the time to re-evaluate the ways in which I  communicate.  The connection, interaction, and the follow-up (especially when it comes to business) are vital to enhancing any partnership.

Now, I will make it a point to ask more questions. How do you prefer to communicate? What’s the best way to reach you? What’s the best time to call? What do you mean you’re not on Twitter?

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

The Open Sky Project

The Open Sky Project is a brand new shopping site that focuses on the real influence of experts that recommend products to consumers based on their personal experience. I’m pleased to be included among the many experts in the field of family, babies and parenting-related items.

With my interest in high-end furniture and couture clothing, you’ll find some pretty unique items that work great as gifts or for yourself if you’re equally enamored with fashion and quality, educational products for your little ones.

Head on over to discover toys, books, furniture and ideas to help get you feeling more prepared, inspired and informed. And don’t forget to let me know what items you may be searching for. I personally add the products to my shop and will continue to add more on a regular basis.

Oh, and the best thing about shopping through this site – they GUARANTEE your complete satisfaction. That’s right!

When you shop at OpenSky, we guarantee your happiness.

You may return any purchase, for any reason and in its original condition, within 1 year for a full refund. And we’ll pay for the shipping!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Thinking Healthier Thoughts

I ran this afternoon for the first time in over two weeks. It felt great. I feel great and my head is more clear.

I track my run using Run Keeper so I can compete – with myself. I’ve never really been a competitive person and I only started running three and a half years ago (when my ex-husband and I first separated) so it still feels like a relatively new experience for me.

Each and every time I run, I remind myself why I need to do it more often, how great I feel afterward and how much more healthier I will be when I add it into my routine more regularly.  I tell my clients this so I need to take my advice: If it’s not on the calendar, it won’t happen. Scheduling in my runs will most likely be the only way I’ll show up!

Life gets in the way and I find myself running less and less often, using excuses as to why I’m sitting on my ass instead of getting outdoors and decompressing in healthier ways.

There are many ways that parents can decompress – with or without our kids – but leading by example is the most important thing for creating healthier children.

You can make exercise more fun too by heading outdoors (when you can) and having your little ones search for rocks, count how many birds, squirrels, rabbits or other creatures you come across, or for tech geeks like myself, you can use a GPS tracking program (like Run Keeper) that your child will be in charge of so they can map the distance, time and pace of your adventure.

My son enjoys being in charge of the iPhone when we use Run Keeper. I challenge him to go further each time, either long distances or more time. Either way, he loves watching the numbers go up (or down) and it’s a fun way to get in some exercise without him even realizing it.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Apparently I Have An Issue With Letting Go

I was the first one to arrive…scoping out the joint and trying to figure out if I would be able to summon the courage to climb up the ladder and swing from the trapeze along with my friends. But my son and I showed up way too early. When we got there, the sports center was filled with young volleyball players and their parents. There was no sign of trapeze, circus-type activities going on so we sat on the sidelines, waiting patiently for the game to end.

Once the young girls and their families departed, the people behind Circus Fund wasted no time. In less than 25 minutes, the nets were in place, the ladder installed and the trapeze swung high above the ground. I was freaking out and the others had not arrived yet.

We took a closer look, walked to the other side of the gym and sat down, studying the height of the ladder, the faces of those who would be in charge of our safety, and the distance to the nearest exit.

Most of the girls showed up around the same time and there was a buzz of excitement when Liz pulled out the box of spandex pants from Bskinz for us to change into. (I picked the Jazzy Orange pattern.)

Once the class started, the instructors told us to pay attention, keep our voices down (and to put our phones away). I think it’s pretty safe to say that while most of us were excited about getting up there, we were pretty nervous as well.

Apparently, I have issues with letting go. I climbed up the ladder with such confidence that it never occurred to me that the hardest part of the entire night would be letting go of the trapeze bar itself.

Swinging was the fun part, I flew forward and back, squealing in delight and looking down at my son who watched in amazement. But then, I was told to let go and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let go so I was brought down, instead, safely. I came down slowly onto the net and laughed at myself for being too afraid of the fall even though I watched some of the others before me let go gracefully, and with a smile on their face.

Dealing with letting go seems to be a common theme for me lately. I have recently moved into a (much) smaller apartment, forcing myself to get rid of and purge things from my life, focusing on the more important things (and people).

I’m still working on this process, eliminating the excess things from my life and minimizing what I hold onto. The memories from this Girls’ Night Out are something I will hold onto for the rest of my life. It was a great experience with a wonderful group of women who first met online.

Special thank yous go out to Spencer (@NBCphotog) from our local San Diego NBC station for filming the event,  to @CaliforniaKara for taking pictures and to @muffintinmom for coming out to show her support!

The lovely, brave and talented ladies who participated in the Trapeze Girls’ Night Out:

@SugarJones @IizLiz @EverydayMama @CathyNguyen @MrsNatalie @CandiceStone @RockOnMommies @GingerAnderson @JenBoydSD @ReeseDixon @EyeMusing @Karinayhmy @SheWanders

Other posts about the event:
Adventures on the trapeze
The daring young moms on the flying trapeze
It’s a bird, it’s a plane..
Lessons learned from flying through the air
The daring young lady on the flying trapeze

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home