What do Bill Clinton, John Edwards and David Letterman have in common? Well, they’ve each been “caught” having an extra-marital affair, a sexual relationship with someone other than their spouse. While it doesn’t shock me to hear their stories, I do find it disturbing that their wives have stood by them and put up with their behavior. Then again, how do I know that these women aren’t also enjoying the company of others behind closed doors?
“It is estimated that 50-65% of husbands and 40-45% of wives cheat.”
Open relationships do not always start out that way, as Jenny Block explains. I first read Jenny’s article on Your Tango and discovered that she’s the author of Open, her memoir which focuses on the evolution of her open marriage and includes extensive research and resources regarding the history of marriage, extra-marital affairs and divorce.
“I began to think it was unfair – ludicrous, really – to expect my husband to fulfill me on every level. Outside of the bedroom, I don’t have those standards for him.”
While I don’t justify or excuse lying, cheating or betrayal of any kind, I can relate to the idea that having a sexual relationship with more than one person can create a more fulfilling marriage. I wouldn’t have been able to say that prior to reading this book and even though I can’t see myself being open to an open marriage, I do understand that Block’s experience and the journey she and her husband took is one that works for them, and many other couples.
“Polyamorists refuse to take marriage at face value, and instead accept only what actually works, rather than what ’s supposed to work.”
With nearly seventeen pages of footnotes, lists of works consulted and resources that she mentions, Jenny not only did research in the bedroom, but in the library as well. She took copious notes and shares intimate details of her experience with creating an open marriage that has led her to a stronger relationship with her husband, a more fulfilling sex life and an inspiration to those who can not quite understand why it is that marriage and monogamy do not fit with what they envision for themselves.
“It’s always fascinating to me that people are more disturbed by the idea of an open marriage than they are by cheating.”
Open is a thought-provoking look at marriage, sexuality and what it means to be in an intimate relationship. With confidence and honesty, Block shares her story and defends the dynamic of her marriage since it is certainly not something that is accepted in mainstream America, just yet.
“What if the problem is not with wanting what we want, but rather the way we are made to feel for wanting it?”
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Peace Begins in the Home
Peace Begins in the Home
Posted by Miss Behavin on November 9, 2009 at 4:58 pm
This is a very interesting topic. While I don’t share the philosophy for myself, I don’t condemn others who choose to participate in this open-marriage phenomenon. I have several friends who have been married 10-plus-years and on the verge of divorce reevaluated their wants and needs, deciding to go the open-marriage route, and are now more in love than before. It works for them and that’s all that matters. Thanks for sharing the information about the book.
Posted by The Mommy Daddy on November 15, 2009 at 10:17 pm
From my experiences with Open Marriage people, and I’ve known and still know quite a few, they are very shallow and selfish people. It doesn’t work, it screws up the kids if they have them. The children are damaged and don’t develop the knowledge and maturity that comes with a devoted, monogamous relationship. Then they pass on the immature and me generation behavior to their children and the spiral continues. It’s consequences ripple through society and create the mess that our country lives with today. The ones that say I’m full of it because they have one and it’s working are just rationalizing and lying to themselves. They’re living a selfish life that they want to keep going and it’s usually at the expense of others. One day one or both parties wakes up and it’s a terrible mess that can’t be fixed.
The children are really the ones who suffer the most, and don’t fool yourself, they suffer.
Posted by Phil on November 16, 2009 at 1:46 am
I’m perfectly happy with one woman. But I love how wanting to be happy is turned into selfish behavior when you don’t look for happiness the same way society says you should. Also, how do you go from monogamy to knowledge and maturity? What do they have to do with each other? In MY experience, I’ve run into far more ignorant, immature monogamous couples than I have knowledgeable and mature ones.