If you’re related to me, you may want to stop reading…or perhaps you should just start back at the beginning…For those of you who are a part of my online family, please (lie to me and) tell me you can relate.
Too Much Information (TMI)
I share everything here on this blog, more than I probably should. From the time I had to go to Urgent Care after a night of sex to the frustrations around my co-parenting challenges, my personal stories, along with all the emotions they stir, can be found here. I have nothing to hide. Why then, do the important people in my life feel as though they cannot, for whatever reason, share important information with me?
Home is Where Your Mom Is
I called home today and found out that my grandma (my father’s mom) was just released after being in the hospital for a full week. And it wasn’t until today that I found out? OK, so I know I should call home more often. I shouldn’t be such a stranger to my own family. This is what I get for moving 2,000 miles away, right?
Life is Short
At first I was worried about my Grandma and sad for my Grandpa who is having to make plans to move her into a facility where she can have around the clock care. They have been married for 60 years and still live in the house that my dad and his siblings grew up in. I know that we all grow old and death is inevitable, but it still makes me sad…
And Now I’m in the Anger Stage of Grief
Shortly after I got off the phone with my mom, I realized how pissed off I was. Why didn’t she tell me earlier? Why didn’t my sister call, email, text or Facebook? I chatted with them both online this last week and yet somehow they forgot to mention that my grandma was in the hospital?
Deja Vu
My grandma (my mother’s mom) passed away last year, just before Christmas, and I still have not forgiven myself for not making it to the funeral. It upsets me to no end that I wasn’t there for my mom and the rest of our family. Did that prove to her that I am not able, or willing to deal with this kind of thing?
I Think I Get It
My boyfriend was here last weekend, so my family, I’m assuming, didn’t want to worry me or bring me down while he was here. I sort of get that, and yet, it still hurts.
Poor Me
Being far away from my loved ones is difficult enough, but feeling left out and not informed feels like a betrayal of some sorts. I know, I should call home more often and share, firsthand, what’s been going on in my life, too.
Community
I know intimate details about my online community, friends I’ve made online, and yet the people in my own family often seem like strangers to me. I have no idea what’s going on in their lives and they have no idea what’s going on in mine. Many times they’ll ask me what’s been going on and I find myself wanting to point to this page, to print out the highlights and let them know that my door (or URL) is always open.
The Truth Shall Set Me Free
After reading this and rewriting it and deleting it and starting all over again, I realize that it’s so much easier for me to share how I’m feeling when I can write it down, type it in an email, or onto this page. It’s out there – the whole world can read all of the things I’m not able to say out loud.
The Bottom Line
Being a writer brings so much freedom, provides me with a sense of relief and comfort and yet, at the end of the day, it’s a lonely occupation, just me and my blank sheet of paper, or empty screen waiting to be filled. There’s so much more I want to say and yet there are just as many thoughts that cannot be put into words.
Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home
Posted by Rachel on November 7, 2009 at 6:07 am
I feel the same way you do. I have 2 sisters who live on the east coast that I don’t really talk to like I should, but if they were to read my blog, they’d know everything that was going on in my life.
Posted by Grandma Sylvie on November 7, 2009 at 6:41 am
Hi, first of all forgive yourself then me. You do sort of get it. I am the person who would rather say it on the phone or in person. Remember I did call and leave a message. I did not ask you to call me back because I knew you were having issues befor going to court, getting ready for your BF visit and just busy with alot of other things. And on my part I don’t know exactly what your father is seeing and interpreting in regards to his mother’s condition. Anyway, I am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I can relate but I won’t get angry. Thank you for sharing your feelings. Please do call more often especially when you are feeling lonely. Even when I talked to you the other day there was more I wanted to say but didn’t think of it til after I hung up. Oh, and no it didn’t prove anything to me when you couldn’t make it to Grandma Rhoda’s funeral or even to Grandma n Grandpa’s 60th. Don’t beat yourself up and most of all us. I do read you. So yes I do know more than I need to know about you but that is ok with me. I love you just the way you are.
Posted by Jennifer on November 7, 2009 at 4:04 pm
It has happened to me. I know how you feel. The reason it happens to me so often is because I ask SO many questions and want all the details. My parents try to do that before calling…
My Granny called March 14th to tell me she had cancer. My husband told her that we were going out that night. She told HIM and told him NOT to tell me…. WTF!!! She told me the next day… My heart has had a whole in it since….
Hang in there…. It sucks but it happens.. I think it is a natural reaction to be a bit upset.
Posted by Sugar Jones on November 9, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I hate being left out of important family situations. If I can’t be there in person, I still want to know what’s happening and, at the very least, say a prayer and prepare for what might come next. My family tend to overshare at the onset of a sniffle, which can be irritating.
But my step-dad… well, he likes to keep stuff to himself. He called my sister and I one night. Turns out he came out of his surgery okay. They had removed all of the cancer. He was going to be fine. Well, that was all kinds of crazy news to us. It was incredibly shocking and disturbing to think of what might have happened… that someone who has always been there might suddenly not have been.
Posted by Grandma Sylvie on November 11, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Hi, I am back. I hope my daughters talk to my grandchildren about death when the opportunity comes up. I think we should all think about death often. Some experts believe an anticipated death, though often accompanied by months of anxiety and endless hospitalization, is easier on a child than a sudden one. With a sudden death, there is no preparation, no chance to say good-bye. A young child in particular cannot understand that the mother/father,or whomever has not simply disappeared and abandoned him or her. Some experts stress the importance of keeping the memory of the dead vivid.
Examples such as pictures or frequent conversations of the deceased are healthy. Just as bad and good times are healthy to talk about.
“There is no death, only a change of worlds.” Chief Seattle
I like this book – I Miss You (A first look at death) by Pat Thomas
Posted by hipm0m on November 15, 2009 at 10:55 am
Thanks for sharing this, Mom. I, too, think that any situation becomes less scary if kids have the opportunity to talk about it. Without making it into a morbid discussion, we do talk about death in our house. Thanks for the book recommendation as well. I definitely plan on checking it out.