If you’re related to me, you may want to stop reading…or perhaps you should just start back at the beginning…For those of you who are a part of my online family, please (lie to me and) tell me you can relate.
Too Much Information (TMI)
I share everything here on this blog, more than I probably should. From the time I had to go to Urgent Care after a night of sex to the frustrations around my co-parenting challenges, my personal stories, along with all the emotions they stir, can be found here. I have nothing to hide. Why then, do the important people in my life feel as though they cannot, for whatever reason, share important information with me?
Home is Where Your Mom Is
I called home today and found out that my grandma (my father’s mom) was just released after being in the hospital for a full week. And it wasn’t until today that I found out? OK, so I know I should call home more often. I shouldn’t be such a stranger to my own family. This is what I get for moving 2,000 miles away, right?
Life is Short
At first I was worried about my Grandma and sad for my Grandpa who is having to make plans to move her into a facility where she can have around the clock care. They have been married for 60 years and still live in the house that my dad and his siblings grew up in. I know that we all grow old and death is inevitable, but it still makes me sad…
And Now I’m in the Anger Stage of Grief
Shortly after I got off the phone with my mom, I realized how pissed off I was. Why didn’t she tell me earlier? Why didn’t my sister call, email, text or Facebook? I chatted with them both online this last week and yet somehow they forgot to mention that my grandma was in the hospital?
My grandma (my mother’s mom) passed away last year, just before Christmas, and I still have not forgiven myself for not making it to the funeral. It upsets me to no end that I wasn’t there for my mom and the rest of our family. Did that prove to her that I am not able, or willing to deal with this kind of thing?
I Think I Get It
My boyfriend was here last weekend, so my family, I’m assuming, didn’t want to worry me or bring me down while he was here. I sort of get that, and yet, it still hurts.
Being far away from my loved ones is difficult enough, but feeling left out and not informed feels like a betrayal of some sorts. I know, I should call home more often and share, firsthand, what’s been going on in my life, too.
I know intimate details about my online community, friends I’ve made online, and yet the people in my own family often seem like strangers to me. I have no idea what’s going on in their lives and they have no idea what’s going on in mine. Many times they’ll ask me what’s been going on and I find myself wanting to point to this page, to print out the highlights and let them know that my door (or URL) is always open.
The Truth Shall Set Me Free
After reading this and rewriting it and deleting it and starting all over again, I realize that it’s so much easier for me to share how I’m feeling when I can write it down, type it in an email, or onto this page. It’s out there – the whole world can read all of the things I’m not able to say out loud.
The Bottom Line
Being a writer brings so much freedom, provides me with a sense of relief and comfort and yet, at the end of the day, it’s a lonely occupation, just me and my blank sheet of paper, or empty screen waiting to be filled. There’s so much more I want to say and yet there are just as many thoughts that cannot be put into words.
Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home