Goodnight, My Angel

Goodnight, my angel

Time to close your eyes

And save these questions for another day

I think I know what you’ve been asking me

I think you know what I’ve been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you

And you should always know

Wherever you may go

No matter where you are

I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel

Now it’s time to sleep

And still so many things I want to say

Remember all the songs you sang for me

When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean

I’m rocking you to sleep

The water’s dark and deep

Inside this ancient heart

You’ll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel

Now it’s time to dream

And dream how wonderful your life will be

Someday your child may cry

And if you sing this lullaby

Then in your heart

There will always be a part of me

Someday we’ll all be gone

But lullabies go on and on…

They never die

That’s how you

And I

Will be

(c) Billy Joel

He left today. I sat down after saying goodbye and watched him slowly disappear. I was smiling and crying at the same time. I can’t help but smile when I think of him even though I was upset about the weekend coming to an end and about a certain situation that caused a bit of tension during his visit.

I was sitting there imagining that he would come running back to hold me again one last time. I was hoping that his plane would be canceled so he would have no choice but to stay one more night.

I stayed at the airport for a while, waiting for his plane to leave and waiting a few minutes afterwards, daydreaming about him changing his mind about getting on the plane at all.

My imagination works overtime lately. I find myself wondering what life would be like if I had the freedom to move or pick up and go whenever and wherever.

I am torn between my role as mom and just being me. The Mom in me focuses primarily on my son, wanting what’s best for him and working hard to create a life for us.

The single woman in me focuses on me and wanting to create a life in which I can be satisfied and loved and making a life with someone who is equally focused on our mutual needs, wants and desires.

My life has taken me in a direction that I never expected. Here I am, thousands of miles away from the people I care deeply about and I find that I’m always missing someone. I know now how my son must feel pretty much all of the time. If he’s with me, he misses Dad. If he’s with Dad, he misses Mom.

I feel so guilty for putting him in this situation. At the same time, I know I didn’t really have a choice. My instincts kicked in when I hit rock bottom and I realize now that things had to change in order to establish a healthy environment for my son.

After fully healing, I finally recognize the strength I had in order to crawl out from the darkness.

I’m happier and healthier (emotionally) than I’ve ever been and I now have so much to look forward to. Everyone needs that. It’s what keeps us going, the future, and I’m excited about mine.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Impulse Buyer

A while back, my son and I had a discussion before heading to the grocery store about not coming back home with a new toy. We both got into the car voluntarily, knowing that our agreement was that we could only look at the toys and that there was a possibility of our purchasing something on our next trip to the store.

Halfway down the toy aisle (When did it become necessary to have a toy section within the grocery store?), I noticed a pink metal container with what appeared to be a set of dice on the cover of the box. It said BUNCO in big, pink letters and so I picked it up.

Immediately, my son looked at me and said, “Mom, put that back. We’re only looking.” I couldn’t help but laugh as he repeated a phrase that I have found myself saying time and time again. But it worked. I put the box back on the shelf and enjoyed watching my son decide, after much deliberation, what toy he was going to buy next time.

We spent a long time in that aisle, probably much longer than we would have if he actually was able to purchase something. Luckily, he has not inherited my shopping habits (at least not yet).

I’m what they refer to as an impulse buyer. When I’m standing behind someone in line, I almost always add something, last minute, to the purchase.

I am trying to become a much more sensible shopper these days and I think I learned something from my son that day. Knowing the dollar amount that he’s typically able to spend on a toy, he realizes rather quickly that the bigger toys are out of the question and continues to pick up the smaller boxes from the shelves.

In my case, however, the smaller the box, the higher the price tag usually is so maybe that technique won’t quite work for me, after all.

Still, I enjoy shopping with my son. Yes, I said it. I enjoy shopping with my son. I didn’t always, though.

It wasn’t until I took the RCB course myself that I learned the most valuable lesson of all. There are 4 Goals of Misbehavior (Attention, Power, Revenge, Avoidance). When a child behaves in such a way that makes a parent want to react (in whatever way), it is the child’s attempt at trying to have a particular need met.

My son is spoiled now that he has me all to himself since the little time I do have with him, I of course give him 100% of my attention. It’s nice knowing that my son needs, wants and craves my attention. We’ve all heard about plants and flowers that thrive when people talk or sing to them, right?

I see other parents shopping with their little ones and talking on their cell phone or not allowing their child to participate in any way and it irritates me. Having a child around is so much fun, although certainly challenging at times, but I look at everything I do with my child, whether it be shopping, eating dinner, trying to get out of the house, or helping him put away his toys, as an adventure, a game of sorts.

I lost my train of thought here and what my point was in posting this. Regardless, I’m off to go get some much-needed attention and to share my love and attention with my son. It’s the best part of my day.

Perhaps maybe we’ll make a surprise visit to the toy section when I pick him up from school. After all, he did inherit my love of shopping.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Long-Distance Relationships

I went to Vegas in March of this year to celebrate several life-changing events with some close friends. Although I’ve seen them separately on different occasions, the five of us girls had not all been together for about ten years.

Times had changed for us, drastically. Four of the five of us had become mothers in that time, three of us had gotten married, two of us were separated from our husbands and one of us was, and still is, childless and never been married (she’s also the smartest out of all of us).

We all went in different directions over the last decade and are now spread across the map. One of us went off and joined the Navy and bounced from WV to NC, MT, GA and ended up in Costa Rica (of all places). Two of the five of us graduated from college. One went on to graduate school and is now employed in a profession that she loves.

And then, there’s me. I had a miscarriage, dropped out of college, moved to San Diego, bought my first car (used), got married, landed an awesome job, had my amazing son, bought my first new vehicle, and suddenly found myself adjusting to life as a single, working mom as my husband filed for divorce and moved out, in that order.

I went to Vegas again in June with some girlfriends from San Diego. The one thing I never expected out of this quick weekend get-away was to meet someone who I would end up having a relationship with three months later who lives in a different state, a different time zone, on different schedules.

Technology has allowed for long-distance relationships to be possible since we are able to text, phone and email from just about anywhere. In this day and age when people are jumping into marriage and just as quickly trying to jump out, it only makes sense to distance yourself from those you care so deeply about.

As I mentioned already, my family and friends are scattered across the map. While I have connections here in San Diego, most of my loved ones are living in MN, WI, MT, TX, Costa Rica, NH, MD, CO, WV, FL, GA, Northern Ireland, and Northern California.

While I do love to travel, I don’t enjoy missing the people I care about, but with work and the daily routine that makes the days whiz by, it’s no wonder that we are able to enjoy the time we do have together, 100%. After all, it’s quality, not quantity that matters when it comes to relationships and that’s the secret most people don’t discover until, perhaps, the second-time around.

I have, and will not ever, forget all of the people who have helped me get to where I am now – a place in my life where I finally feel comfortable and balanced, satisfied and proud of where my life is headed and sexier than I’ve ever felt before.

Oh, and just in case I forgot to mention it, the March trip to Vegas celebrated several thirtieth birthdays, the birth of our children, the loss of our unborn, marriages, divorces and most importantly, the love of friends and family (they’re one in the same).

And if it’s another ten years until we are all together again, I know that it’ll be the laughter that we will remember as we share the secrets we have learned from another decade of growing stronger and wiser.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Nature vs. Nurture

Much has been written and talked about regarding the memoir, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. I tried to avoid much of it before reading the book since I enjoy reading books fresh. In other words, books that I have no pre-conceived notions about, one way or another.

Having grown up in a family where addiction played a key role, this book struck a chord, although I certainly could not relate to much of the narrator’s experiences, as my family was intact and had no visible signs of any dysfunctions, at least that I’m aware of.

Somehow the author / narrator steps outside of her unusual and unimaginable life and speaks about her experiences as if she was referring to someone else. I had to keep reminding myself that this was a memoir and not a work of fiction and that these were situations that were not created but recalled, and with such vivid detail.

There are four children in the Walls’ family, all of whom turned out quite differently and whose experiences brought them to different places in their lives. Unfortunately, we only get to hear the perspective of one of them here and it is quite unlikely that the other three grown children remember the events the same way.

Since I studied psychology in college, I was intrigued by the notion that despite their upbringing, these children, with the exception of one who we hear little about as an adult, turn out as normally functioning members of our society. Educated, too.

It is quite apparent after reading this story that one does not need money or a plethora of material things to “make it” in the world. In fact, perhaps quite the opposite is true. Would the Walls’ children learn the lessons they did if it weren’t for their parents showing them and teaching them (without trying) that hard work and responsibility bring you certain advantages in life? After all, these children had to scrounge for their own food and learned to survive without their parents and in fact, spent many days and nights, most likely, worrying about them and taking care of them, both physically and emotionally.

These children saw their neighbors and classmates in a much different light. While people looked to her with pity, Jeannette sees others much differently than they see themselves and is inspired and motivated by simply wanting more, wanting to have enough and not go hungry.

One could argue that these children were neglected and that it would’ve been better for them to be removed from their home as children and brought into houses with warm food, warm beds and warm and loving ‘parents.’ One could also argue that being taken away from the only home and the only family they know could’ve done more harm than good.

This is quite an interesting and thought-provoking book and one that will most likely become required reading as it focuses on survival and reveals how young people today no longer rely on their instincts. Their own survival skills are not tested since they are provided with every opportunity, and an overabundance of choices which could possibly take away the chances of their ability to “make it on their own” once they step into the real world.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

The Results Are In

Concerned friends and family members have been sending prayers, warm thoughts and good karma my way ever since I scheduled my biopsy. Luckily, the news I received from my doctor wasn’t as bad as I thought, although I do have a condition now that needs to be treated and is something that I have never heard of, of course.

Lichen sclerosis (aka lichen sclerosus) usually occurs in post-menopausal women. Clearly, anyone who knows me can understand the irony here and can appreciate why I found myself laughing out loud when I first read this fact online.

I’ve always been mature for my age and have, in the last few years, been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, begun to gone gray, no longer get carded at the bar, and will most likely be wearing bifocals by the time I hit the big 4-0.

Besides this new condition, I’m pretty lucky, health wise. I don’t have high cholesterol, I’m not obese or falling apart emotionally, and I have all of my digits and can function properly on about 5 hours of sleep (and a Triple Grande Soy White Mocha, no Whip). I really shouldn’t complain, and yet, I find myself asking, “Why me?”

This past year has been quite the challenge and yet somehow I can now laugh about the bad luck, or karma that’s come my way. In fact, just today, I spoke with my therapist about finally ending our sessions together due to the fact that I’m doing quite well, considering everything I’ve been through. (For once in my life, I’m in a long-term relationship with a man who, at the end of our nearly two years together will celebrate with me for finally reaching a state of complete sanity.)

He’s been a part of my life for so long that I come to think of him as a friend, which is strange, considering the fact that I pay this friend to listen to my problems (and for the countless boxes of tissues he’s supplied). Nonetheless, I’ll miss the fact that he listens to me, feeds me every once in a while and humors me when I tell him about the drama I create in my life with men.

But, all good things must come to an end and I’m proud of myself for getting through this last year (separation, rebound relationships, court dates, financial hardship, working 3 jobs, divorce, potty-training, starting my own company) without having a complete breakdown. The partial meltdown was bad enough!

I shared this link with just about everyone I know, including my therapist, but I wanted to include it here because it’s just so darn healing to laugh at yourself.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Shopping Spree Sunday

Since it was first announced that Baby J would be arriving this month, I’ve been on the hunt for new products and companies to find unique and high quality baby clothes, toys, books and accessories.

I spoil the little tots in my immediate circle so it’s only fitting that I update my shopping sites from time to time. Here are just a few items and websites that I’ve discovered recently.

Gold Piggy Bank

Personalized Frames
Zay Zay Slip-Ons
Dwellplay Soft Blocks

Flowers by Zoe Mod Dress

HAPPY SHOPPING!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

L’Enfant

Baby J arrived Friday, September 21st at 4:55 am. Mom, Papa and Big Sister K are doing fabulous as is the healthy baby boy (a Virgo).

I haven’t had a chance to see him in person yet but once the family is settled and back home I will make my first visit, introduce myself and fall in love.

Babies are amazing. Watching them grow, realizing how quickly they absorb and learn and especially noticing how much we as adults learn from them makes their presence that much more precious.

Bienvenue au monde.

Big Sis K taught me some basic French while she was in my care. Being exposed to Spanish growing up made me wish I had learned a different language in high school so I’m pleased that I’ll be learning, slowly, a bit of French as I spend time with this beautiful family. Who knows, perhaps one day my son and K will take a trip to France and elope.

Now that’s thinking way too far into the future, but the fact that the two of them get along so well now, and the fact that I already love her parents makes me want to play matchmaker already. I suppose I can wait…a few more years.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

BABY, BABY, BABY

I just got “the call.” My good friend is in labor and I’m on my way to her place shortly to stay with big sister. I feel slightly panicked and ironically, my friend sounded freakishly calm on the phone.

I’ve never experienced labor pains since I had a scheduled C-section with my son. I suppose I probably would’ve had a panic attack if I had to go through the whole contraction thing and timing them. I’m so impatient and I cannot be asked to watch the clock under normal circumstances let alone when pain is involved.

The reason why I’m not in my car and driving right this second is because my friend isn’t quite sure she’s ready to head to the hospital. Luckily she’s not that far from there and I’m not very far from her, either.

I’m anxious, nervous and excited for the new baby to come. I’m sure I’ll be awake until I hear how the delivery went, but with the way things have been going, I’m sure it will be quick and painless. At least I hope so. She’s got alot of work to do!

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Baby Watch

My dear friends are expecting their new baby any minute now. I’m on Baby Watch, officially, as I’m on call to stay with their daughter when they go into labor. I have my bags packed too and I’m anxiously awaiting “the call,” continually checking my phone to make sure the ringer is turned on and bringing it with me everywhere I go.

Not that it’s unusual for me to have my it nearby, but it’s come to the point where my son will say, “Mom, you forgot your phone,” if I leave the room momentarily without it.

The big question that we’re anxiously waiting to be answered: Will Baby J be a Virgo or Libra?

Being around a new baby is so healing and especially since I enjoy being a mom so much, it’s hard for me not to get the yearning for at least one more. Considering my current situation, I realize that I have no time in my life for a major responsibility like a new baby but still, the craving kicked in when I went to pick out clothes for Baby J.

I was touched when I was asked to take care of their daughter during the time they’re in the hospital bonding with their new baby boy. I think it’s been the biggest honor and greatest compliment, that they would trust me wholeheartedly with their firstborn.

I’ve had a chance to bond with Big Sister lately so I trust that we will have a wonderful few days while Baby J is preparing to come home. And I can’t wait to see the four of them together, this beautiful family that I have been lucky enough to be a part of.

I can just picture them, introducing Baby J to his proud sister and as they circle around the baby, I will slowly make my way to the door so they can enjoy their family time and I can go home to my son and bond with him as I tell him the story of his birth and how truly blessed we are to have one another.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

Five Questions

Thanks to Kane/Miller, I have been lucky enough to work with authors and illustrators from around the world during my six and a half years with them. Several of these individuals have been quite friendly through email and some have even offered to show me around should I ever make it to their homeland.

Trudy White is one such author/illustrator. She is the creator of a very intimate book, Could You? Would You? I say intimate because you cannot read through the questions and instructions in this 96-page picture book without taking an intimate look at yourself, or those who you might share it with.

Kane/Miller Book Publishers

Inspired by the responses of several kidlit blogsters, I have taken the time to answer the five questions that Trudy selected for her mention in this past weekend’s Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast posting.

• How would someone find you in a crowd?

I’ll be the one with the purple glasses and the tattoos. Oh, and I sort of look like Emma.

• If your house had a secret room, what would be in there?

My secret reading room would have plenty of natural sunlight shining down through the skylights along the vaulted ceiling. The room would have built in, wall-to-wall bookshelves. Oh, and there would be a wine cellar (and a small bathroom) not too far away.

• Where do you like to walk from your house?

I enjoy walking up the street to the playground which is on the campus of a community college. It has tennis and basketball courts, a community swimming pool, baseball and soccer fields and a volleyball court. There are always happy people and children there to inspire me.

• How will you change as you grow up?

I hope to never grow up in that I enjoy living in the moment and seeing the world from a child’s perspective. I would imagine that as my son grows and changes I will too but I can only hope that I will be even more happy, healthy and hip than I am now! And au naturel.

• What sort of animal would you like to be?

I liken myself to a snake, seemingly vulnerable yet powerful and strong, moving smoothly and constantly shedding my skin.

The questions and instructions from Trudys’ book that would make great first-date discussions:

• What is the best thing about you?
• Can you wiggle your ears like a rabbit?
• Draw a picture of your family.
• What is the best thing about where you live?
• What special thing will you keep until you are old?
• What makes you smile?
• What makes you angry?
• What is the funniest thing you can remember?
• What helps you feel better if you’re sad?

Oh, and just in case you’re curious, Trudy and her partner recently “bought a block of land by the beach along The Great Ocean Road in Victoria – an hour or so from Melbourne.“

I’m looking you up when I get to Australia, Trudy. I have some questions for you.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home